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Counting My People, by Dr. Helen Davey
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/helen-davey/counting-my-people-an-aut_b_354491.html
Posted to Grieving by Robert D. Stolorow on November 13, 2009
Friendship and Mourning
Jacques Derrida wrote: ''Philia [friendship] begins with the possibility of survival. Surviving--that is the other name of a mourning whose possibility is never to be awaited.'' In other words, every friendship is structured from the beginning by the possibility that one friend will die first and the surviving friend will be left to mourn. Death ...
Posted to Grieving by Robert D. Stolorow on October 2, 2009
Emily Running
EMILY RUNNING My favorite time of day is walking Emily to school in the morning. We kiss as we leave our driveway so other kids won't see us. If I'm lucky, we have a second kiss, furtively, at the school-yard's edge. My insides beam as she turns from me and runs to the building where her class is held, blonde hair flowing, backpack ...
Posted to Grieving by Robert D. Stolorow on August 1, 2009
Grieving Lost Innocence
A traumatic loss shatters what I have called the ''absolutisms of everyday life'' (RD Stolorow, Trauma and Human Existence, Routledge, 2007), the system of illusory beliefs that allow us to experience the world as stable, predictable, and safe. Thus, when we lose a loved one, we must grieve not only the person but also the innocence we have lost.
Posted to Grieving by Robert D. Stolorow on May 7, 2009
Finitude
FINITUDERobert D. StolorowIf we’re not self-lying,we’re always already dying.If we’re not self-deceiving,we’re always already grieving.The answer to the existential quiz?“Good-bye is all there is.”
Posted to Grieving by Robert D. Stolorow on April 22, 2009
Always Grieving
In my view, we NEVER ''recover'' from grief. We find a place for it in an expanded life. (See RD Stolorow, Trauma and Human Existence, Routledge, 2007.)
Posted to Grieving by Robert D. Stolorow on April 21, 2009
Emotional Trauma and Insecurity
In my book, Trauma and Human Existence (Routledge, 2007), I claimed that the essence of emotional trauma lay in the shattering of what I called the ''absolutisms of everyday life''--the illusory beliefs that allow us to experience the world as stable, predictable, and safe. Trauma exposes our finitude and the finitude of all those with whom we are ...
Posted to Grieving by Robert D. Stolorow on April 4, 2009
Dreaming of the dead . . .
My sister sent me this article - we lost our mother four weeks ago yesterday. You have articulated so many of my feelings - like you were looking into my soul. I have yet to dream of Mother - but the night she died, Dad appeared in my dream.He hadn't been around in a long time. When Dad did appear in my dreams, he was there in the bacground - ...
Posted to Grieving by ct1950la on March 21, 2009
Grieving
I thiink (as was mention of parents grieving children) that the most terrible grief is for someone whose time had not arrived. On the other item of being told of a terminal illness, I am only 71, but the greatest blessing would be to know when I may be passing on, because it would allow me to make the best use of my remaining time, money and ...
Posted to Grieving by vldazzle on March 6, 2009
Re: Writing and Grieving
I'm working on the same thing. A few years ago my parents died a few months apart from one another, both unexpectedly. They'd both been decades-long close friends and inspirations to me. Between their deaths were those of my two closest and longest friends, both happening to also be musician/writers, and both dying of sudden illnesses, far too ...
Posted to Grieving by justasecond on February 25, 2009