I understand where's she's coming from and the reason she wrote in is probably because she told someone she was going to talk to her Dad and Step-mom and they through the "Pot is the same as alcohol but just not legal yet" speech. So she's second guessing her self and trying to figure out if she is being unreasonable.
1. Who's kids are these?
I say this because there are people that I don't smoke anything around my kids because of the health risks. So smoking pot in the next room in the house is the same as smoking a cig to me.
As for the alcohol comparison, I had to do the same thing to my dad who use to be a functional alcoholic. He had to have a beer before work just to get started. When he retired, all of a sudden he became a plane old alcoholic. He was still the sweet, funny , hardworking guy I grew up with. Only now after a sixpack, he wanted to drive my kids to the ice-cream store for a scoop. He had already fallen asleep while simmering beans on the stove and didn't wake up until the neighbors came knocking, following the smoke. If it wasn't for my mom, this wouldn't be a place I would leave my kids overnight because if something had happened after a certain hour of the day, dad would be no help.
I finally had to tell both of my parents to keep it under two beers a day when they are with my kids or no kids. Why, mom would go somewhere with one child and my dad would decide to drive somewhere else with the others while mom was gone.
What did they say about it?
I heard the "this is our house and we will do what we want ." thing.
I heard the " We are adults and you can't tell us what to do" thing.
I said ok. After that, the only times my kids were over there were when either my husband or myself were there. That didn't stop my parents about talking about taking the kids on trips to go fishing , amusement parks, etc. I just told them that if one of us couldn't go, then the kids couldn't go.
This did not go over well with anyone and I got tired of being the bad guy. So I cut down our visits with them. From every weekend to twice a month. (Why do I need the hassel.)
Finally they came to me and said, what do we need to do so that we can take trips with the kids and do overnights? I told them. No more then two drinks a day if you are supervising my kids and no drinking and driving.
What happens? My mom no longer has to wrestle my dad for the care keys. They actually go fishing and catch fish. My kids are now teenagers. They know that grampy and grammy love them to bits. I know that my dad loves them more then alcohol. Something I wasn't sure of myself as a kid.
Thats all a nice story but it boils to this . Who's kids are these? Who is ultimately responsible for their welfare?
Heck, in most states grandparents don't even have visitation rights.
So talk to them. Tell them what you want. If they comply cool. You've just grown closer as a family. If not, then you know who's most important.
If they say that they are going to smoke pot daily regardless of if your kids are around or not, then you know.
If they continue asking for more time with the kids while not being willing to to change this behavior, then you will also know that they don't care about the grief it cause between you and your kids and you will know what to do about it.
I told my parents that I loved them. That this was their house and that , yes, they were grown and could do whatever they wanted. I then said that I was grown also and that I could do whatever I wanted. I then said that the kids were not grown and as their parents, we were responsible for them and that they would do what my husband and I thought was best.
I reminded them that they raised me well.
