It's so obvious. Tested. Vetted. Ready day 1. (Okay, day 9 [Okay, day 297 at the latest {as of this writing, where applicable, see contract for details}.].)

Her foreign policy experience is staggering, her devotion to universal healthcare exhaustive, her military service unquestionable, and her knowledge of the inner-workings of Washington, D.C. thoroughly documented.

With her combined 135 years of public service, public discourse and public humiliation, there's no doubt that Hillary Clinton must be the Democratic Presidential Nominee. Why?

She was the First Lady of America for 8 years

Being married to the president ain't exactly a picnic. Quite the learning experience, indeed. But being married to Bill Clinton, we've found out, is a lot like not being married. Which puts her in the unique position of taking credit for all that went right with his presidency while insulating herself from all that went wrong, including fidelity. And I won't even mention how much shaking foreign leaders' hands knowing you'll never speak to them or see them ever again adds to one's future diplomatic mettle. That's courage. That's leadership. That's experience.

Her exposure to international crises is on record

She led 500 million Darfur refugees out of Northern Ireland and into Macedonia by playing "The Mexican Hat Dance" on bagpipes while being fired upon by an Israeli gunship off the Horn Of Africa.

She spearheaded the Navy SEAL Team that sprung Nelson Mandela out of the hootch while disarming a nuclear warhead planted by rival Peruvian warlords in Madrid by yodeling "Lonely Goatherd" on the same frequency as the detonator.

She foiled a Bosnian plot to annex western Serbia thus doubling their supermodel exports and pricing Ukraine right out of the business by lacing the cocaine backstage at fashion week with Prozac while orchestrating a ceasefire between A.T.F. and The Branch Davidians.

And she has a vagina. That's key.

She is not a black negro man

She is so not.

That phone call at 3 A.M.? Hillary Clinton doesn't take calls. Hillary Clinton makes calls. Oh yeah, she'll be making some calls alright.

As for a black man in The White House? I actually feel a little foolish having to point out the obvious even more so than it's currently being pointed out reading between the lines of a certain campaign office's "caucusing materials". Suffice it to say that were Barack Hussein Obama the president, he'd be outback shooting craps with his shiftless "rainbow coalition" security detail selling weed to the East Wing staffers while the dumpster overflows with empty KFC tubs and empty Colt 45 40-ouncers and empty Kool cartons as ferrell dogs fight over the bones when a not-so-distant gunshot is heard after a muffled scream then the stereotypically menacing coal-dark-blue-gummed-(sand-)n­igger-in-the-woodpile lurks around in the bushes letting "the red phone" ring right off the hook at 3 in the morning.* Which is fine with me because if a black man with a funny, foreign sounding name is president and "the red phone" is ringing at 3 A.M., it's probably his al qaeda contact activating his sleeper cell status to "active". Where's the Saturday NIght Live skit about that scenario, biased comedy sketch TV shows?

Let's face it: the only reason Obama is where he is right now is because he's a black man. If he were a white man, he wouldn't be where he is right now. Yep. If he were a white man saying the things he's saying the way he's saying them, he'd already be president. Joke's on you, Barry!

She can beat McCain

Seriously. She's got a right cross Tyson would kill for. And her famous headbutt is the stuff of mythology.

Some of her supporters are barely-closeted racist douche bags who are technically retarded

These are the same bigoted raisin cakes who will actually vote for John McCain should Hillary not get the nomination. So it's absolutely crucial that she get the nomination so that we can continue to subsidize the Liberal Racism Industry while polarizing the reasonable centrists. That's how you solve that whole racism bit. You have to understand the nature of racism. I.e., you have to be racist and bigoted. I.e... Er... Uhh... Wait...

Hope is stupid

Don't come to me with hopes and dreams. Come to me with problems and solutions. Politics isn't about the future or about new ways of getting things done or framing issues in such a way as to create alternative contexts in which the problems become irrelevant. Politics is about doing things the way they've always been done. Period. It's been in a couple papers.

She's not a black man

Really can't stress that enough. What, do we really want President Tyrone? I know I don't.

She cares about people's health

The healthcare legislation she designed while First Lady was about to pass both the House and Senate until that royal dumbass Al Gore trashed it at the last minute by asking how we were going to pay for it. We weren't going to pay for it, stupid. That was the whole idea!

She's qualified to be 1st in command

Barack isn't. Though it would seem that he is, according to her, qualified to be 2nd in command. Which means that if he does accept her offer and is 2nd in command, the ticket wins the election and something happens to her, then we'll be stuck with someone who's 1st in command who isn't qualified to be 1st in command. Though it would follow that a presidential candidate would want to appoint someone 2nd in command s/he thinks is qualified to be 1st in command. So... Hmm... Wait...

She doesn't have a sense of humor

These are serious times that call for serious people. We don't need The Most Powerful Person On The Planet wiling the hours away chortling us all the way to nuclear obliteration, fiddling, leaving dangling participles lying around The White House like unexplained jokes. Which is just as well because Cacklemania over there could sandblast the sorrow off a recent widow.**

"That's not what I said."

End of story.

So keep in mind, good people of Pennsylvania, that we could have a vagina-having, humorless Washington insider who already knows her way around The White House as the Democratic Presidential Nominee, or some sketchy black ghetto dude peddling hope like he's dealing drugs who wants to rob The White House. Your move.

Brought to you by Citizens For Change We Don't Notice







*props to daveto
**props to Patton Oswalt

What kind of Fray do you want, folks?

Ths issue could not be framed more clearly.

Do you want a Fray whose "best" is represented by the toppost of this thread?

Or, do you want a Fray whose 'best" is represented by this thread::

<link>

Not that I'm against the humorous approach, mind you.

I adopt it myself on occasion

It's just that I prefer Lewis Black to Jay Leno, Will Rogers to Rush Limbaugh.

Not for political reasons.

For stylistic reasons.

Oh God, I'm crushed.

Embarassed and crushed, I tell you.

Currently, his post is at +3 and mine is at -1.

Oh the humanity !

by the likes of the above poster, I'm making this brief appearance today. Almost makes one appreciate Hillary's headbutting quality.

You're so easy.

Do you have round-heels also?

... what they say; "You can lead a whore to the library, but you can't make her think".

In the same way that a lot of people never got my point about 'Rock-N-Roll' being Adult Music, they also don't understand that 'real', capital 'A' Art is rooted firmly in reality.

This explains why New York is still the capital of the Art world; it's the capital of 'reality'.

I prefer New York to Los Angeles, (the capital of fantasy), and I prefer your admittedly 'difficult' work, to switters 'clever' work.

Ease of digestion is not all it's cracked up to be.

Of course none of this would matter if it weren't for the fact that it's so obviously time to 'get real'.

Oh, don't let it bug you Nairobi Trio ..but I'll give it another uprate on his top post heading alone! lol.

I realize the body of his post is rife with not so dead on , anti HRC satire but because his satire is so obtuse, might as well just take his top header on face value and act as if it's a pro Hillary post.

some posters are just so bizarrre in their thinking that it's more fun to just patronize rather than challenge them.

(wink)

I much prefer the type of post Switters makes to the type of post you make. No comparison. Switters puts thought into his writing, and he has a skill of blending humor with thought provoking notions.

There's a very simple way for you to obtain an answer to your question about frayster preferences Dave. It's called "views" and if you click on Switters' view counts, and then click on your own, I'm sure you'll agree you don't attract nearly the number of readers he does. The why is not a mystery.

Don't you find it odd that Ms. Clinton wants to talk about her resumé, but resumé is a word with a funny little chicken scratch over the last letter that we don't even use in America and without it, all you get is resume?

Nice post.

because she is carrying around a vagina.

And because she is, she is open to every vile, disgusting, sexist attack possible. Including the reminder that she has a vagina. And that many of her supporters "no long bleed" which means they no longer have value to society. This must be implied over and over again.

Anyone who protests the sexists attacks on Hillary in any way shall be held up to the same ridicule as this vagina-bearing woman who dares to try to lead this nation. That will silence her, her supporters and the next woman who might dare to dream of leading the nation. We must drive that point home because only dicks can lead this nation. And dicks will make sure that vagina-bearers know their place.

Thank you so very much, dick, for the education. Thank god a dick like you was here to give it. Otherwise my daughter might have a thought that she was worth more than her looks and her youth. Dicks like you help her, and millions like her, to know her real place in this country.

Again, I can only ask you to see my response to "threadkiller" here:

<link>

And in addition, to note that it makes perfect sense to me that you prefer switter's posts to mine.

After all, who eventually won in the ratings - Leno or Letterman?

And why?

I suspect it has as much to do with the degree to which the audience and the host are playing in the same ball-park.

It's just an exhibition. No wagering, please.

The funny thing is - switters and his fans here don't realize how old his shtick is - he and they think he's doing something new.

Nor do they realize (having not been born when Paul Krassner was publishing "The Realist") that humor-born-of-alienation has been done so, so much better.

There are probably still copies of "The Realist" available somewhere, and commercial recordings of Lenny Bruce are certainly still available.

Switters might do well to obtain some of both, in order to see why his stuff is so laughable.

Not humorous - laughable.

I like that.

It reminded me of what they say in the salons across the country:

"Honey, I'm a beautician, not a magician".

I always liked phrases like that because they indicate that the need for poetry is still alive in the "common-man", 99% of whom have never heard of any poet publishing today.

Nice one, duc. You never cease to amaze me.

But to take it one step further:

... when you re-sume ..

.. you make a re-re out of you and me ...

(Doff of the cap to Carllos Mencia for re-re, of course.)