Your wife's attitude is "the hot times are over. Tough shit."

And, of course, you're a good guy so you don't get to get any action with some woman at work. And you don't get to exploit some woman who would happily deliver the thrills in exchange for money. No, those things are wrong. You signed a contract and a deal is a deal so just get yourself used to being bored and horny and virtuous. Unless you want to stop being a "good guy" you're going to have to get over the idea of doing all that fun stuff you've been dreaming of.

But look on the bright side. When you're in your eighties or so you get to die knowing that no one would disapprove of your behavior. Whoopee!

Of course one crazy alternative is to let your wife know she can either get with the program or learn how to say "single mom".

Dude... They don't make household appliances THAT sturdy anymore! Maybe the wife wants her washing machine to last longer than it would if they had sex on it, especially while the machine was running. Why do they even show stupid things like having sex on a running washing machine on TV? Don't they know that some fool will want to try it at home? Maybe it was suggested by appliance companies to increse sales when the washing machines give out from this exploitation. Wondering if the show's producers would be legally liable for replacing any ruined washing machines because somebody tried this at home because they saw it on TV... What else do they show on the TV that isn't that good of an idea to try it at home?

As a bisexual, I've slept with women in my time. Should I therefore say to my husband "you want to sleep with a woman (me)?! Hell, I did that in college and she wasn't very good. Don't bother."

If I did - and managed to keep a straight face - my husband would be gone so quickly I'd just be talking to a cloud outline of his body, looney toons style.

I agree with you that his life is over but let's be realistic. This guy would get killed in divorce court with alimony and child support payments. Not to mention the fact that he it is almost certain that he will not get custody of the kids (not even joint custody of the kids) and would end up being reduced to an every other weekend dad.

He'd end up broke and not even being able to raise his kids. Not a winning proposal.

He's stuck.

To hedge the sympathy for the cuckolded man (just hypothetically, since it's clear the wife's acting atrociously), maybe it's not what he's suggesting but how he's suggesting it.

If your partner comes up to you, whining, maybe immediately after some half-hearted missionary, saying he/she doesn't enjoy sex and it's because you aren't willing to do everything he asks (he didn't mention if relatively vanilla ideas are all he's about, or if he has kinkier ambitions), putting you on the spot and expecting you to rubber stamp an "of course!" as you unbutton your jeans... man, I could see how the approach of such a discussion would be a major turn off.

Not only that, but it would also be a lot easier to say "No, I don't enjoy that" than getting into "you're acting like a whiny little girl and that's not turning my crank" and getting into the whole psychology of the thing. Or maybe she's not really physically attracted to him any more and can't find a way to say it without breaking his heart. If his letter is correct and the whole story, she's clearly lying about something. But since none of us can vouch for his behaviour and other nuances of their marriage, we can't really just blame the wife.

Therapy's the answer. Then failing that, an open relationship or prostitutes. Then failing that, either meditation or divorce. Or both.

...depends on the welfare of your dick, then I suggest you might move your interest above the belt line, for a better quality life experience. But dont move it to high, 'cause then you end up focusing your life on another bald spot, eh Tony?

funny post though. thanks for the thrill.

jade:

(he didn't mention if relatively vanilla ideas are all he's about, or if he has kinkier ambitions)

But he did. He says all of his ideas are relatively tame, and uses the washing machine as an example.

The problem is that the wife has no interest in changing anything, even though he's not happy. The fact that she belittles him as she's dismissing him makes it worse.

So, you're right, therapy is recommended.

entirely the part of the letter where is wife is telling him she already did everything he is suggesting with other lovers. There is no way this woman is being sensitive and protecting his feelings about not being attracted to him when she says she already did all that with other men.

I'll grant that, fine. But it could still be the tone/context of his requests that's the underlying problem here. It seems to me that blame can rarely ever be affixed to just one party in a marriage, even if they appear to be a sexually selfish and unfulfilling lover.

Weintraub5uck5:

I agree with you that his life is over but let's be realistic. This guy would get killed in divorce court with alimony and child support payments. Not to mention the fact that he it is almost certain that he will not get custody of the kids (not even joint custody of the kids) and would end up being reduced to an every other weekend dad.

He'd end up broke and not even being able to raise his kids. Not a winning proposal.

He's stuck.

The inequalities in family court could lead to mysterious disappearances, especially if you’re a Peterson. It's really the women that get away with murder.

Save the therapy money and get a PI. She's getting it elsewhere and you have to prove it to walk out of there with even close to half of your stuff.

When my dick's not happy, I'm not happy. If I'm not happy for long enough I change the situation. You're obviously a woman or you'd get this. All the lecturing and eye rolling by women won't change this basic fact about men. If his dick's happy, he's happy.

she's a chick who's turned on by confrontation. Maybe the reason the sex isn't great is because he's lacking in interest. Maybe she secretly wants him to take her, like in those Daniel Steele novels about pirates.

i think i read somewhere that when the sex in a relationship is good, it's only a small part of what's important in the relationship, but when it gets bad it just gets more and more important until it can actually kill what would otherwise be a good thing. i'm a woman, and i totally agree with that assessment. that man's wife is being unreasonably mean to him with her excuses (in my opinion, the only reason "i've already done that with someone else" would be an appropriate way to say no to a particular sexual activity would be because said activity hurts, and will probably still hurt no matter who's doing it.) he needs to make her realize that if she wants to stay married, she'd better get her act together and either figure out a better, less nasty way to say no, or maybe she should try some stuff over again.

although in my experience, people who want to live by such strict rules (i already did that once, and it didn't work, so i'm never doing it again) are not good people to have relationships with. and anyone who is that insensitive and mean to someone they are supposed to love isn't good news anyway. he should hire the PI, go to counselling, and hope he either gets out of the relationship with kids and income intact, or that she has a breakthrough and they fall in love all over again.

...but i am a man, I also like to drive Cadillac, vacation at my villa on the cote d'azur, and conduct my business in Italian with Italians.

damn.

jade:

As a bisexual, I've slept with women in my time. Should I therefore say to my husband "you want to sleep with a woman (me)?! Hell, I did that in college and she wasn't very good. Don't bother."

If I did - and managed to keep a straight face - my husband would be gone so quickly I'd just be talking to a cloud outline of his body, looney toons style.

See now that's not being bisexual, that's just being fun at parties!