Dear Should I Worry?

Nope. Don't worry. If everyone is having fun with it, than what is the problem? Even if he's displaying a latent trait that he hasn't before, many men are transvestites, and many more would love to get the chance to do so but they're worried about what people will say. But there is absolutely no harm in it.

PhysicsGirl

Dear Wanting More Spice Than Just Salt,

What a strange response! It would be like me telling my husband, "No honey, I can't eat at that restaurant. The ex and I did that." I suspect the problem is not that she's "done it before". I suspect that she doesn't want to spice up your sex life because that would require effort. You have several choices. One is that you can accept it. Two is that you guys can go to a counsler and try to work out why she feels this way. Perhaps she is tired after taking care of the kids and housework. Three is that you can try Prudie's suggestion ... or maybe just find a friend who is willing to take the kids for a day or two.

PhysicsGirl

Dear Avoiding the Issue,

You need advice on how to tell them that this is a problem? Come on, grow up. Just simply call them up and say, "Hey, I'm not going to let my kids stay there alone because of your weed habit. I'd appeciate if you stopped inviting them directly because it gets them excited for something that's not going to happen." There. It's done. Why is it people can't just say what they want to say?!?

PhysicsGirl

Dear Not Made of Money,

You don't give gifts that way. If you give someone a present, then they can do with it what they want. If you can't afford to give her these presents, then don't. If you can, then don't expect them back. Seriously, your idea is simply strange.

PhysicsGirl

I had one person give me a "gift" like that for my son. She'd offered 1-2 other things prior to that, which I simply turned down. However, this item was something he needed (dress pants - my brother was getting married) that I couldn't afford at the time.

1) I told her "I'll try" to return them when I accepted them.

2) He got very little use out of it, because I felt I had to keep them pristine for its eventual return. I think he wore them like twice before he outgrew them.

You just don't put strings on gifts. If they are too expensive or too important to you, you don't give them away. You keep them at your house for them to use while visiting you.

Unless youre letting someone borrow a family heirloom or something (Im thinking Christening gown, crib, etc.) you should never expect to get it back. Thats just ridiculous. And even if you do lend out the heirloom? Be prepared that it may come back in less than pristine condition.

Infants puke on Christening gowns and get blowout diapers. Bigger babies and toddlers chew on crib rails. Anything being loaned out to a family with a baby or young child is likely going to receive some hard wear and either come back looking a bit beat up, or not come back at all.

So for this woman to give gifts with the thought that they will be returned to her? Besides it being rude and bizarre on the etiquette side, its clear that she doesnt know much about kids. Half the crap she's given these kids is probably destroyed already!!

I think this is especially true when it comes to clothes for children. I know my sisters and I wrecked so many outfits just from normal kid stuff that it was a good thing my parents didn't have to give them back!

What I don't understand is why she is so uptight about it. My mom and her sisters would often send childrens clothes around as they were outgrown and not needed anymore. Generally whomever had a baby got all the still in good condition baby clothes from those who did not have babies... So I can't imagine that the LW's sister would be much different. Or at least, before the LW started acting in such a weird manner.

Didn't she say the sil was selling them through a children's consignment place? If that's the case, instead of them being passed to the family, given to charity, or tossed as total rags, it might be a tad more understandable. However, instead of nagging them about it, wait & see what you kids gets in return.

I used to give anniversary presents to siblings, till I had an anniversary and got nothing. I used to give birthday presents to nieces and nephews, till I had a kid with a birthday who got nothing. What goes around comes around. It's a whole lot cheaper this way. I've lost count of how many nieces & nephews & great nieces and great nephews I have, much less how many anniversaries the family has. Now, everyone takes care of Mom & Dad and our own kids (and grandkids, for some).

My mom lent my cousin the bassinet and crib that both myself and my sister had used with the, presumably spoken, agreement that my mom would get them back so she could use them for my brother (who ended up not being born when my parents had planned on having that third child, but instead took his sweet ass time getting conceived). She came up with this bizarre arrangement because everyone involved was too poor to buy new and she figured one set would do everyone if handed around. However the bassinet and crib were sold on eBay by my cousin, who was apparently more in need of cash than a bed for her child.

Did my mom throw a fit? Did she write in to a advice columnist? Nope, she shook her head and realized that it was a piss poor plan and that she was certainly not going to "lend" baby things that she wanted to keep. She also consoled herself with the idea that the bassinet and crib were probably stuffed full of lead and she had just saved my brother from certain poisoning.

(I think a total of 5 girls were confirmed in the confirmation dress I wore, I had borrowed it myself.)

And how old are you? How is it that the crib you used got sold on e-bay before your brother could use it? Or maybe the question I really need to ask is how old is e-bay? Or even how old am I?!

I'm not that old and neither is my brother but I looked it up and since eBay only dates back to 1995 and my brother is a bit older (though a good number of years separate he and I), my cousin must have sold some other way and I am misremembering. I know she sold it and the bassinet and I know she has an ebay passion, so I must have combined the two.

Good catch!

If the Gifted donated the toys, clothes, etc. to a charity, or even sold them to a place that would make them much cheaper than new, I think that is a noble thing to do.

Clearly the aunt in question has enough money to buy some things for kids that aren't hers. When she has her own kids, she can simply shift the money previously spent on nieces/nephews to her own charges. I'm sure the SIL will understand, having had kids herself.

Meanwhile, there are many parents who can't afford to buy any new things at all. Making necessities and small comforts available to those in need can make a huge difference in an "underprivileged" kid's life. The aunt is being cheap and thoughtless by assuming she is the worst off in this situation.