I have been married for 7 years now, have two kids.

Both my husband and I work and we have a nanny to supervise my daughter. She worked with us beginning of 2006.

She was wonderful with my kids and she was pleasing to be with.........granted she was young and quite attractive.

Then 2 months ago, my husband came up to me and dropped the bomb. He admitted that he had been having a sexual relationship with her for 2 years and now he is ready to break off the relationship with her.

I'm speechless.

I asked him when did they do it? he said he would come home at 2 p.m. everyday in between work and they would have sex in the house and sometimes in the park.

All these time I was working diligently to support the both of us, while he was having sex with my own nanny under my own roof. I immediately told him I want a divorce.

He said no and now he is becoming very controlling and very possessive. He snatched away our passports so we could not go out of the country. He beats me up if I dare to mention what happened.

I still love him but at the same time I am hurt by his betrayal.

How can he do this to the 4 of us?

I want an out but at the same time I'm not ready raising 2 kids by myself.

Despite his horrid behavior, he is a wonderful father to his two kids.

Please advise

Call the police. Now. He is NOT a "wonderful father" if he (1) lets the children witness violence against you, and (2) took the nanny away from her duties (in the park?!) of watching your children so he could play hide the salami. Would you want your children thinking that's how grown men should behave?

Tell the police about him beating you up, and tell them you want your passport back, which he has stolen. It's not his property, even as you are not. Get a restraining order or even leave the state if necessary.

you're best option is to leave. If you can't do that for whatever reasons (and you may have valid ones), get your own ass, sever all emotional ties to your husband, and, ah, ride it out till the kids are 18 I suppose.

Lose that ass NOW! I don't understand how your love for him could survive after the cheating and the beating. Call the police. Press charges. And get out of the house. It is better for your kids to raise them alone than to raise them with him as their role model.

A physically abusive person is not a good father. He merely hasn't hit the kids *yet*. Leave. You're better off raising the kids alone than in a situation where anyone of you can be killed or maimed.

At this point, the nanny incident is irrelevant, though should be brought up in court. The fact that they both left your young children alone is negligence, and they're lucky that nothing happened.

When your husband leaves for work, call your local domestic abuse hotline or women's crisis shelter. Look in the phone book for these numbers. Tell them your situation and tell them you need help contacting the police because you fear for your safety, you fear he will flee with the children (tell them about the stolen passport) and you need help with an attorney. They will refer you to attorneys who will (for a greatly reduced, deferred or free fee) file for an immediate restraining order against your husband. By immediate, I mean that the day you call them, they can draw up papers and by the close of business that day, the attorney will call your husband at work (or wherever you tell them) and notify him that he has to be at the courthouse at 8:00 the next morning. There is no need to serve him with papers, they do this over the phone. (It's called an ex-parte hearing and it means "emergency" pretty much.) You are a perfect candidate for it. Stay with the children in a motel or with friends overnight until you go to court (make sure you have them in your possession and hiding before they call him even if you have to take them out of school secretly). At that hearing you can get an immediate kick-out order, a stay-away (restraining) order and an order for him to continue to pay the bills so you and the children can stay in the house. And no, the kids don't have to go to court for the ex-parte, so you'll want to make sure they stay with someone you can trust while you're at the hearing.

If he takes your children and leaves there is not a damn thing you can do about it because there are no orders in place and he has just as much right to them as you at this point. You must get to court as quickly as possible to get custody papers in your favor. Please don't delay. Good luck.

BTW, was your nanny underage? That's something else to tell the police.

Do what she says, and do it now. She knows what she's talking about, it's part of what she does for a living.

Now - leave. I'll tell you why I said it, if you want...Without going into detail, my mother stayed with my father "for the kids". I haven't spoken to her for almost a year. I was so sick of the excuses she was making, I couldn't stomach it any more.

In that year, I have come to feel better than I ever have in my life. She's still making excuses.

Please please, don't wait. I'm 44 years old. My mother is 66.

Despite the universal calls for vengeance and divorce, there ARE women who decide to keep their marriages and families together after their husbands take other lovers. One of them, Hilliary Clinton, might even become President someday.

It sounds to me like you are not convinced that leaving is the correct thing to do.

If you decide to stay, you need to forgive your husband - he would have only told you about the affair because he loves you, and feels terrible guilt, and he wants your understanding and love in return.

Many Godly women find happiness by turning over control to their husbands. Forgive him, trust him, and treat him with kindness at all times, and you'll be surprised how well this works - especially if you stop badgering him about something he would rather forget. Remember, after it was all said and done, he chose YOU over her.

To show your husband your change of heart, you might want to seek out the nanny you found so attractive and sexy, and see if she would be up for a threesome with you and hubby.

Or, become a home-wrecker, and destroy your marriage.

It's your choice.

Bless you.

uh... I assume you're joking, augustalley?

since no reasonably intelligent person would recommend that a woman stay with an abusive husband...

Before I strongly urge you to follow Mermaid33's advice.

How many times are you willing to be beaten before you understand what that does to your kids? You can not let them grow up in a house where daddy beats up on mommy.

leaves the kids unattended in a public park, steals her personal belongings, but SHE's a home-wrecker?!?

Now I know you've completely flipped out.

Don't shoot the nanny. Forget the damn nanny.

Shoot the husband.

...I just read a blurb in an underground paper that shall remain nameless that refers to a creature called a "Ro Ho".

I gather that they are young women of Russian (or other East European) extraction who find jobs as nannies as a way to gain proximity to gentlemen of means. They appear frequently as second wives in certain circles, and are seldom recieved in polite company.

One wonders, what nationality was the nanny in question?

As for the husband - the second a man lays a hand on a woman, she'd be an utter idiot to stay another second.

glutton79:

uh... I assume you're joking, augustalley?

since no reasonably intelligent person would recommend that a woman stay with an abusive husband...

IncogNeato:

leaves the kids unattended in a public park, steals her personal belongings, but SHE's a home-wrecker?!?

Now I know you've completely flipped out.

First off, kids, if suggesting a threesome with the sexy nanny doesn't drive this crazy wife to divorce, then nothing will - she's hanging on for two months now into the abuse and the revelation of ongoing cheating. By validating her desire to stay, and then suggesting the threesome, I'm hoping to shock her into dragging her lazy, passive-aggressive 300 lb butt to divorce court.

Secondly, if you read the letter closely, you will notice an odd number of inconsistencies:

(a) The nanny was to supervise the daughter, but was good with "the kids"? Was she not to supervise ALL the children?

(b) "shootthatnanny" describes the hated nanny as "pleasing" and "quite attractive". She is "my own nanny". What sort of scorned wife refers to the harlot in such terms? (The sort that is sexually attracted to the nanny, too.)

(c) "How can he do this to the 4 of us?" The "4" of us? Just who is the 4th person in that phrase - not the husband, who is mentioned separately as "he". Other than the wife and two kids, the only other person in this equation is the soon-to-be-dismissed hot nanny. Perhaps unconsciously or even consciously, this wife wants to keep the nanny around! She even says, "I'm not ready raising 2 kids by myself."

Thirdly, suggesting the fantastic dad left the kids unsupervised in the park is a conclusion not supported by the evidence - the daughter might have been locked up at home during the park boinking.

You can bet all the wife's harpy friends have been giving her the same advice - leave him - for months now. And, of course, it hasn't made any difference at all!

Flipping out - Insanity - is doing the same thing over and over, and expecting a different result. So, I try different approaches, until I find one that works.

And yes, a person who seeks a divorce is just as much a home-wrecker as anyone else, if not more so, because without the divorce, the home remains intact - duh. It might be a lousy home, but a lot of them are.

Bless you.

Okay, you've redeemed yourself. I did notice the inconsistencies (and truly wondered about the "4" of them, too - who cares about the round-heeled nanny?) but ignored perhaps too many of them. I assumed too that either she meant daughters or that the son/other daughter was in school all day.

As for the park, she was still derelict in her duties, even if she left the kid(s) with someone else while they were out boinking. That's not what she was hired (at least by the mother) to do.

You are right, of course, that the poster knows what she needs to do. She just doesn't want to. I think Messy had her pegged. Either she'll do what's right for the kids, or make excuses for him till he leaves on his own.