Prudie was correct when she said "Secret Spiller" has damaged her friendship. However, what she failed to mention was that she should seriously examine her relationship with her boyfriend--why would he play a game like that? What is he trying to prove? Is this a pattern (separating her from her friends)? Also, is he subconsciously warning her he will cheat or something? This could be serious.

Also, Prudie should have made a more concrete suggestion in the video. Yes, their response should be subtle, but this woman's boundaries are being offended. That needs to be handled--she shouldnt feel manhandled by her father in law. Perhaps a gentle talk in which the four of you discuss personal space preferences?

As for Action Speaks Louder, she has expressed her needs in many different manners. He's not listening. I will borrow from Dan Savage and say <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/­wiki/Savage_Love">DTMFA</a>.­ If this woman is unfulfilled in her relationship now, just wait til a couple of years after marriage. If she marries him, she's going to leave herself open to an affair, whether emotional, physical, or both.

I was with you until

discriminatemuch:

If she marries him, she's going to leave herself open to an affair, whether emotional, physical, or both.

So if she makes the choice to marry someone she knows doesn't express romance and love in the way she wants, even though she's been with him for four years, does this somehow makes it his fault if she cheats, as if he "asked for it"?

Agreed IncogNeato. Everyone is responsible for their OWN actions, especially infidelity actions. Blame is too often put on the victim. As bad as a relationship is, no one is FORCED to hit the sheets with someone else. That's one of the biggest farce excuses going around..."oh, woe is me, I HAD to cheat!" I like to believe that some people still do have some empathy and compassion for the pain they may cause if they cheated, and therefore don't do it, even if they're in pain themselves.

Odd. I read discriminatemuch to mean that it would be doubly the LW's fault if she had an affair. First, for deciding to cheat in the first place, but second for marrying a man with whom she's currently unhappy (and thus leaving herself more open to the temptation of straying).

Either way, this LW needs to figure out if her guy is showing his affection, just in nontraditional ways, and if that's a dealbreaker. Of course, if he really doesn't care, she should dump his sorry ass already, which is probably what he's going for with his passive-aggressive behavior anyway.

(I know a couple much like this. Unfortunately, he was too passive to leave when his bad behavior couldn't push her away. They're getting married at her insistance, and heaven help their kids. It'll be a real live version of the Bennet family from Pride and Prejudice. Ugh.)

No, I said nothing about the affair being his fault. I said "she leaves herself open" to doing so. The decision to cheat is always the fault of the cheater.

Thank you, Tigerlily, that is absolutely what I meant.

In that case, we're in full agreement.