While I agree it was beyond dumb that she blurted out the "secret", I also think that everyone is being overly harsh on her. Can anyone honestly say that they've never let something slip that hurt someone else? I do agree that the LW should do her best to try and patch the problem and maybe consider whether or not she wants to be in a relationship with someone who has a very different view of marriage. But her utterance is forgivable, although the friend may not forgive, since malice wasn't intended.

I think the boyfriend made it up to prove a point, but isn't man enough now to own up to that.

It's not about blurting out something dumb, which we've all done. It's about how unrepentant she is, and how she wants everyone to "let it go" without taking full responsibility for her actions.

Whether she's going to be able to mend the relationship or not, she needs to make a sincere apology with no whining, no excuses and no "convincing", and then leave her friend to decide what to do. "Betty, what I said was inappropriate and untrue. My boyfriend and I chose to invent false criticisms of your good relationship because we couldn't handle the truth that ours had problems. I'm taking some time away from him. I'm very sorry that I caused you so much trouble and wasn't a good friend to you. I'd like to repair our relationship if possible, but I understand if you don't want to, so I'll wait to see if I hear from you again, and if not, that's ok." And then shut up and be done with it- no more explanations.

An old saying applies: "With friends like her, who needs enemies." The best thing this "friend" can do is walk away and never contact her high school friend again. Maybe they will put the marriage back together, but only if she walks away...

Exactly what I was thinking. Hope the LW just leaves the poor married couple alone and develops better taste in boyfriends.

Oh I've said amazingly dumb ass things that have hurt people's feelings, but the only time I have disclosed a secret to a third party was if the third party needed to know (what is need to know? things like child abuse and illegal activities that may hurt others).

This woman didn't actually tell her friend "your husband thinks the copy girl is hot" (or whatever). She told her, "My boyfriend says your husband is keeping a secret from you!" And then in her letter she continues to prevaricate (I'll paraphrase), "I don't know what the secret is, but I'm sure it's not, like, infidelity," "maybe my boyfriend made it up, but since i don't have any proof I can't be sure," (anyone else see the irony?) and "why can't she just get over it?"

The friend can't get over it because every time the letter writer opens her mouth, she says the worst possible thing and causes more pain for her friend. I'll forgive someone for being an ass once or twice, but continual repetitive assholyness results in permanent condemnation.

The only advice here is stop obsessing and move on- nothing good ever came from endlessly talking about your feelings