Okay, regarding the letter about the daughter who's mother on her 25th anniversary has decided to have another 'wedding'. Isn't that pretty much just renewing the vows? And don't plenty of people do it? I really don't see how it is as appalling or rare as the daughter and Prudie make it sound. And I really take issue with Prudie's comment about how old people should not try to act young. Ummm, okay. Yeah, old people should just stay out of sight and eat their bland old people food and not try to have any fun.

I agree. The LW said her mother didn't have a wedding like people have today, all that probably means is she wants a big party with a caterer and some dancing. I think it is a great idea especially since the way the letter was written it sounds like the mom is going to pay for it anyway.

My own wedding was a little over 6 months ago and I would love to have another big party for a big anniversary like my 25th. Why should you only get a big party at the beginning and not do something spectacular to celebrate a wonderful marriage?

I could see how it might turn the corner into ridiculous if the mother wants to wear a young looking wedding gown, have "bridesmaids", or things along those lines. That would change it from being a sweet, celebratory event to something cheesy and down right weird.

But if its just the couple renewing their vows in a decorated ceremony followed by a catered event with dinner and dancing? There's nothing wrong with that at all. Why should a couple who is celebrating a huge milestone and achievement be relegated to a "small party"?

Prudie is off big time on this one.

Believe me, I agree. However, the daughter was planning a small party - what we don't know is who's planning on paying for the shindig. Maybe daughter freaked because she can't afford what Mom's proposing?

I don't know the ages involved, but it's pretty high-handed of a kid to try and tell her mother what to do. Talk about role reversal...Is Mom going to end up saying, "You're not the boss of me"?

The LW wrote "and now she wants to throw herself a full-fledged wedding,"

That implied to me that the mom was going to pay for it. I think if she wanted the daughter to throw her a full wedding the letter would have had a different tone.

I do think it is a little weird to wear a wedding dress again, me I would just get a fabulous evening gown or something

Also - there was no mention of what her mom's first wedding was like. 18 months ago a friend of mine threw a suprise renewal/second wedding for her parents because the first wedding was not what she felt her parents deserved or even wanted if they had more money and time. Due to circumstance (her dad was in the military and met her mom in Japan - which is her home country) they had a justice of the peace wedding - which they both felt was fine. However, in honor of the 30th anniversary, it was special to have a renewal of the vows with a minister in a church with a small reception afterwards that they could not have afforded at the beginning of their marriage. It was special to the whole family.

Maybe this woman has a similar story. 25 years ago there was a recession, 25 years ago - maybe there were family issues that prevented the wedding from being as special as the mom would have wished and those issues are resolved now, or maybe - she sees that 25 years have passed and her wedding day was such a happy one that she wants to celebrate the joy she and her husband have spent the last quarter century building on. While I would not recommend a suprise renewal ceremony, I would say that if someone has been married 25 years and is happy, that is something for friends and family to gather to celebrate and honor - in any way the happy couple chooses to do it.

"and now she wants to throw herself a full-fledged wedding, complete with cake, dress—the works—because her wedding was not like the weddings people are having today."

Prudie was BEYOND off on this one to the point of being idiotic. People have big parties all the time for lesser reasons then staying together for 25 years. And people have big anniversary parties all the time! i mean, where does Prudie live?

I thought the same thing. My great aunt and uncle renewed their vows for their 50th. It was church ceremony followed by a reception. I was just a kid and had never been to a wedding before, so I can't tell you what the ceremony was like or how it differed (don't remember the details), but the reception was at a hall with all the flowers and toasts and food and all. My great aunt did not wear a wedding gown, but they did cut the cake like a bride and groom. It wasn't odd or ridiculous- it was sweet. My parents did not renew their vows at their 25th, but I did make a wedding cake (3 tiers) for their party. I would be all in favor of them doing a renewal for their 50th. I could see my sister feeling the way the LW does, however.

I agree with Rebecca... sometimes wedding circumstances are less than ideal and a vow renewal can be a lovely way to celebrate improved circumstances. For example, I call my Special Day a "fake wedding" since my in-laws wouldn't come because they disapproved, we were broke, I wore a short black dress, I was sick, and I didn't have a reception. Now that the family has reconciled, I would love to try a ceremony again someday and wear white and have a dance. I know we are still just as married, but parties are nice! Waiting until a major anniversary will make it even more special because we will have that much more to celebrate. Staying together is much more remarkable than getting together in the first place. So to the parents in the letter, I say more power to you!

What ticks me off about Prudie's answer (well, what ticks me off the most, because all if it ticked me off) was the bit about how she hopes that the bride doesn't wear one of those sexy gowns. Hell, I think anyone who can pull it off should. If I look as hot in 25 years as I do now (IMHO) I'm going to do it! What is with the assumption that someone who's been married (and okay, pumped out a couple of kids) can't be hot?

Obviously Prudie lives in Hollywoodland, where women over the age of thirty are no longer hot and can only play old bags, hags, and bitches.

I really take offense to the agism apparent in this letter. And I'm not even old yet!

Oh WOW

So your wedding was 'fake' because it didn't have all the trappings associated with it? How does your fake husband feel about that?

Sheesh. If people want a big party, go for it. But this craziness of placing the ceremony over the meaning of marriage is just awful.

I think you must have missed the point of my post. I said I eventually wanted to have a big vow renewal party because while we are just as married (and happily so), "parties are nice" and because "we will have that much more to celebrate." Then I said "Staying together is much more remarkable than getting together in the first place." I don't know how you construed that as my placing the ceremony over my marriage--what I said was quite the opposite. We just would like a "real" party that actually celebrates what we have, because the first go-around was not fitting. And by the way, my very real husband also calls it our "fake" wedding... which I put in quotes because it's a joke. He's also equally excited about our eventual big party which will attempt to suitably celebrate our happy real marriage.

I hope that clears up any misconceptions.

I agree. If you're already married, and want to do another ceremony, it's just renewing your vows. There's nothing odd about that, and they've been married long enough to warrant a renewal of vows. So what if she wants to make the renewal into a big event? I think it's disgusting how anyone would get appalled at someone wanting to celebrate 25 years of marriage. They should be happy for them that they've stayed married so long and that they're still happy being together. Some people (the letter writer) just don't have any real complaints about life, so they have to start making up fake issues..