OK, so I've been out of the country for a week, hoping that someone would have an interesting problem and write for online help while I was gone.

Are you kidding me? You really need to ask these questions?

Staying Home -

Six friggin' years? Are you kidding me?

So, what's changed? You put up with absolute weirdness long enough, and now you're tired of it? The guy's a wackjob, and you've known this for at least 5 and a half years. You really need to ask?

Just Mommy -

"Mama Rosalind"? Are you kidding me? That sounds like a creepy old lady from a turn-of-the-century boarding house.

Sure it hurts your feelings, and sure the ex & hussy are very understanding and assure you that your feelings really don't matter. Unfortuantely, you have no control over what happens at their house, only over your own reaction. So stick to your guns on what your daughter calls you, and let her refer to Mama Hussy in whatever way keeps the communication clear.

Anyway, she's three years old. Nothing she says means what you think it does. You really have to ask?

Blown Off -

"No reason", eh? Are you kidding me? You leave out certain interesting details, but the pattern is clear. The first few dates with anyone are about fun times, and moving past them means that something more serious is developing. So far, nothing is. But is there a common detail to these brief relationships? Do the guys expect sex, then bail if it is not forthcoming? Or bail after getting it? It sounds like they're all a bunch of lightweights, fun guys with no staying power. Or maybe it's you.

You say the "games" take too much work, so you'd rather skip them. Sure, but the basic relationship advice about being an interesting person, engaging in various activities, living your life without waiting for Mr. Right, etc. - that stuff is true. Do you expect a meaningful realtionship to materialize without any work at all? Do you really need to ask?

Generous Boss -

A free Caribbean vacation? Are you kidding me? Sign me up!

You've found success by attracting a bunch of hard-working folks whom you seem to like very much, and who produce for you. Your gut has served you well so far, so I'd say, go with it. You might check with other entrepreneurs to find out what pitfalls to avoid (too much mandatory stuff, picking too cheap of a resort) and try to make sure that no one is unduly inconvenienced or prevented from going - maybe even stretch the trip to include families, if that suits your group.

Yes, you could divide all the money among everyone, like a boring old suit, or you could be you, the dynamic success story, and keep on doing what works. Do you really need to ask?

I love your response to Generous Boss. I hated Prudie's advice - way to be a serious fun sucker, Dear Prudence! The trip could be amazingly fun, as well as a bonding experience between employees. My company did something similar, an all-expenses paid cruise in the Caribbean, and it was one of the best vacations of my life.

The trip could also be a disaster, but then the LW would know never to do it again.

Agree, except for generous boss. These people are crammed together for 5 days a week, 48-50 weeks a year (assuming two weeks off for vacation and sick days). Do they really want to be stuck together for another week or two, even at a resort? Do their families want to be dragged halfway around the world just so they can spend time with other employees of Mr G?

I certainly wouldn't want that, not even if 90% of the time we would be allowed to do our own thing down there. And certainly not if we had to wear some dorky, almost uniform while we were there. I would rather have the money and a couple extra weeks of time off to do what I want. I've been on working vacations and at conferences, both with and without family at nice resorts and high-priced hotels, and none of it was fun.

Figure out what you would have spent, divide it up amongst the staff, and close up shop for a week or two while everyone goes off to have their own brand of fun.

I disagree about the boss. Have an anonymous box for people to state their opinions about it. If they don't write it by hand, he'd likely never know who suggested what. If most don't want the trip, don't do it.

Cash is taxable. Cash is boring. Give a cash bonus if you prefer, but memories of a good trip will boost morale long after the cash has been spent.

Some sticks-in-the-mud where I work want to abolish our winter party and summer picnic, and just divide the cash. First, the cash would be maybe $20 each, minus taxes. Second, like the 401K or the health insurance, the parties are optional bonuses/perks, which people can opt into or opt out of. If 40% opted out of the 401K, should they abolish it, and reward those who didn't take the company match by dividing up the matching funds of those who did want it?

I worked 7 years for an absolutely awesome boss who took us on a company retreat each year - usually a cruise to the Bahamas or Mexico (we were in Florida). It was a very successful small business, and probably the best morale amongst employees I've ever seen.

I'd say go for it.

I can't even muster up the old sarcasm train here. There comes a time when taunting the idiots is too easy - the reward just isn't worth it. Besides, I got into enough trouble last week.

I'll figure something out eventually. Perhaps a poll.

Just a guess, but I think you don't work for a wildly successful entrepreneur in a 7-man office.

These folks are there because they want to be, not because they feel stuck. That's my bet. And they probably like the people they work with well enough to enjoy a trip.

It's all about the corporate culture.

Good call. Seeing as how I am proudly employed by the federal government, I will confess that I am oblivious to the perspective of an entrepreneurial office culture.

Good ones Fitz, I, too just returned (though not out of the country, darn it - from a conference)... I dont' know if the problems are less interesting, or if a week away from reading them just makes you less tolerant...

(But now I have to go back to last week's so I can read about the trouble Messy got into... sounds salacious).

Jeez, I'd give back my bonus to avoid having to go on a weekend trip with a bunch of GS drones. So I'm with you there.

...in an apparently uncharacteristic manner. It was, to put it mildly, somewhat unkind (although not undeserved) on my part.

I still agree with myself, though, and that's my story and I'm sticking to it!

;-D

MessyONE:

I still agree with myself, though, and that's my story and I'm sticking to it!

Which "self" would that be? ;)

I'd like to give credit where credit is due. Messy, thanks for taking it on the chin like a trouper and being the sacrificial lamb at the altar of good entertainment. That little episode provided more juicy laughs than have been had in quite some time here on the Ol' DP. A little ray of sunshine in the depths of winter. Hats off, deep bow and all that for handling yourself with aplomb and increasing your cachet (at least in my heart).

(The preceding post has been certified 100% Sarcasm-Free)

I haven't got there yet, but my curiosity is piqued...

We could all use a little sunshine!

In a nutshell, some one-time-only poster attempted a feeble yet amusing gangland style smackdown of Our Messy and another one-timer (on the same thread - it was exhausting!) tried to out Messy as also being Tonto Goldberg and a handful of other Top Posters all rolled into one. It was at once highly ludicrous yet highly feasible if, say, one had a lot of time on their hands, an overactive imagination and the ability to end the Hollywood writer's strike singlehandedly.

Is She or isn't She? She's the Deep Throat of the DP now and we'll have to wait for the deathbed confession to find out. ;)