Interesting contrast with the two letters -- one about a grown man (though not, as the vernacular would have it, a "grown-ass man") who can't cut the cord and a mother who is freaked out that her cord is being co-opted by a hussy.

For the problem of the man who is stunned by the idea of not driving 12-hours each weekend to see his parents, I'm not surprised that the "Maybe it's culture!" people popped out. Maybe girlfriend would have thought it was culture to start with and worked around that somehow (how? Maybe, "Here in America, boyfriends are expected to not want to be with their parents and to indulge in wanton sexcapades and partying on the weekend. Sound pleasant?" Or then again, maybe not).

But culture doesn't begin to explain this man-child. No, there are other things going on here, presumably none of which can be fixed or changed by yelling at the MC.

The project for the girlfriend: Sit down with the man-child and — without getting angry — lay out the two visions of the future you have described to Prudie. Explain why you don't want to be alone with the kids nor have to drive each weekend with them (and how does your MC spend his vacations? How often do you get to see your own parents?). Explain that you want his primary home to be the one you build together. Explain how it makes you feel that his parents are his priority, not you, and that their home is a place of relaxation and welcome, not what should be yours (plural).

He's going to get defensive, because that is what kids do. Keep asking him to listen to you and your pain. Counter his rationalizations with, "but I'm talking about my feelings." This will either cause him to implode in babyish tantrum or to actually pay attention to you. If he does the latter, you both have a chance. If he doesn't start paying attention to your needs, though, by cutting back on seeing mom and dad and spending more time with his boo, well, he's content to be making you sad.

My current SO used to visit his folks each weekend or every other weekend (a 2-hour drive, and to be fair, he has had for much of that time "extenuating family circumstances"). Then he met me and all that family time just wasn't as much fun anymore. Now he's there about once every other month — and as it turns out, that's fine with his family, too. So if your MC's parents pitch a fit (assuming he actually cuts back) then you know you're dealing with dysfunction and freakiness, and you'll have to decide how you're going to deal with that.

To "Mama Rosalind," well, ew. That sucks. You are being put on par with a hussy. A total man-stealing bitch from hell. And your pathetic, weak, manipulated dipstick of an ex is being complicit in your being knocked down to an equal with that total hussy in the eyes of your precious daughter.

What those two are doing is totally shitty and they know it. But if you call them on it, they'll be disingenuous. You know that already.

But at the same time you have to deal with them in a mature way. For your kids' sake. Trust me, if you are the more mature person in the next 20 years your kids will recognize it at some point or level and will adore you for it.

I still harbor the memory — of when I was maybe 7? — of my parents' separation. My dad was seeing some dumb bitch — also named Laurie! Coinkydink! — on the side while my mother grieved on her own but was way strong and positive with my brother and I. Although my folks got back together and 25 years later are still going strong, I remember how disappointed I was in my father, how selfish I learned he is. I still to this day have not brought up Laurie to him or my mother. I admire the hell out of mom, and although I've been a "daddy's girl" my whole life, I always carry the memory of his selfish weakness with me.

Don't get too insistent or crazy when your daughter calls you "Mama Rosalind." Just hold her and tell her that you're just mom, and that you'll always be her mother, no matter what. She's going to figure it all out for herself, and the only thing you should do is let her know, while she does (or until big brother fills her in), that you are always going to love her.

Peace out.

While the step-mother should not have been dating the husband of a soon-to-give-birth woman, and he certainly should not have been on the prowl, this is no casual fling. He married her, and is still married. I'm guessing his second marriage is almost as long so far as the first one was. If the older one was 4 at the time Dad left, they'd probably been married 5 or 6 years. In two or 3 years, the 2nd marriage will have lasted longer.

The child knows no other life than one with two houses and two Mommies. Mommy number 1 better get over herself if she doesn't want both kids to decide to live with Daddy and Mommy #2 as soon as they are old enough to choose.

However, if I was married to someone as immature and clingy as this woman obviously is, I'd want out, too. If I were to guess, the son was an "oops" while they were still dating, and the daughter was an "oops" while they were undergoing marital counselling or after he'd already stated he wanted out. In some states (at least this one), you can't get a divorce while the wife is pregnant, so that may have been her way to try to keep him.

This is one big reason I'm in favor or single parents dating. They need to have a life of their own, so they don't smother their kids for little things like calling step-mother "mommy", even though that's probably what Dad told them to call her.

what state are you in? i know a lot of states have antiquated laws one the books that aren't usually enforced. but that's an antiquated law that is probably relevant to many folks' modern lives... Let me know so i can know where NOT to live.... ;)

It may since have been repealed - though I doubt it. However, shortly after I divorced in 1988, I met a woman whose husband was living with the other woman, and waiting for the baby to be born so his lawyers could file the papers. In Texas. I'd bet most southern states have a similar law.

The idea initially was to make sure (1) the child has a legal father (since Texas law ALSO won't let you list a father if you aren't married at the time of birth - a law I violated, by the way, after my divorce elsewhere and childbearing here), and (2) to attempt to ensure the mother has support during a time she is medically challenged. If nothing else, it ensures she is still eligible for his insurance - if he stays in the same job - without having to switch to COBRA, which is usually pretty expensive.

there was a time when men were expected to take care of women, they had a cultural obligation to do it and it was reflected in the laws. those days are past and i wish we'd update our laws to show the change. i don't think the gov't should be involved in regulating families. period. but this sure as hell is not the first or only reason i have no desire to live in texas... ( and to be fair many other states as well)

I still think that Mama is an excuse for the BF to go home to his wife and kids for the weekend....

It makes for a better story, anyway.

Why must the current wife be referred to as a "hussy"?

This is unfair and seems to be extremely inaccurate as she seems to be someone the daughter likes.
If she didn't treat the daughter decently, would the girl feel this way?
I certainly think not.

Is it so difficult for those of you who use this term to understand that THERE IS NO EVIDENCE TO SUPPORT THIS CLAIM?

Perhaps there were issues with wife #1 which drove the husband out.
Of course, that would not be something which hussycallers are likely to admit.

USNVETERAN:

Perhaps there were issues with wife #1 which drove the husband out.

Like the mother's penchant to act like a 3-year old when she doesn't get her way?

no true at all on listing a father if not married. I was not married when my 6 year old was born and all his father had to do was sign a paper the the hospital. What IS true in Texas, is you can not put someone other then your husband as the father if you are married, even if both agree the baby is not his child. (Don't know that one from experience though!!)

I said it may not be true anymore. However, 20 years ago I was told by sources who are supposed to know these things that it was illegal. I told them let ME worry about the legalities; just put what I said.

My lawyer later mentioned we'd need to "legitimize" my son to make his father pay child support, meaning to add the father's name to the birth certificate. I told him I'd had the name put on the birth certificate at the time of birth. He said if there hadn't been any objections to that point, he'd just go with it.

Ah. I see the difference now. Your child's father signed a paper. Mine did not. The mother cannot put the name on herself, legally. The father has to accept paternity if they are not married at the time of birth.

Any woman who knowing fu**s a married man has the moral compass of a shark and the mating habits of a mink (you'll have to trust me there). It does say something about her character that she would do this, namely that she is nothing but a selfish jackass who really doesn't care about anyone else.

The guy can do whatever he wants. If he wants to screw the entire cast of Baywatch, both men and women, he can knock himself out. We know that he has no integrity just because he's out looking in the first place.

I don't have a lot of respect for people who can't keep their pants on at least until the ink is dry on the divorce decree. I think insecurity is at the root of it all. The cheater wants to end the marriage, but lacks the guts to do it until they have someone else lined up.

i agree that someone who is with someone who is in a committed relationship isn't what most of us consider moral. but who cares about that person? they can't FORCE the person in a relationship to cheat with them and technically they have no contract or understanding with that person's partner- and no real moral obligation, either. The only person really at fault is the person in the relationship who cheats. The person they cheat with is only considered socially reprehensible (and then only if they know the person is in a relationship)

You're quite correct that the woman is not at fault for the man straying. I agree, and before anyone freaks, you can reverse the genders if you like, it works both ways.I still say that someone who would aid and abet that is wrong to do so.

Let the miserable spouse work things out for themselves, first. Sleeping with someone that you know for a fact is married is the act of someone desperate and selfish. It's not about "love", it's about instant gratification. Grownups don't do that.

Because she IS a hussy. Dude was married. And while HE should have had the maturity to not bang her, she knew he had a wife and at least a son.

I've had my share of hearing "my wife doesn't understand me" from guys on the make, and you know what? It is the creepiest thing to the ears of a decent person. It totally ruins your perception of the person who says it forever.

What any woman who hears this should say is, "That's too bad. Talked this over with her before? Why don't you?"

Instead, the emotionally unstable and hurtful come together in a meshing of dependencies.

I can't blame the real mom for feeling her motherhood is being usurped. Because the ex and his new woman are selfish people who operate in bad faith.