Personally, there are very few reasons I would drive six hours, each way, every weekend. Hot Sex would be at the top of the short list.

Unless his elderly relatives are dropping like flies on a weekly basis?

I hadn't even thought about that! I'm surprised more people didn't jump on that one. In prudie land it seems fraysters love a good cheating story...

No kidding! I guess Cultural Differences are more highbrow but, in this case, much less likely.

(I'm sure that if the LW cited her boyfriend's culture as the reason for his familial closeness, Prudie would've included it... )

But the "cultural explanation" has been a hot one lately on this board, and I've found it very illuminating.

Not only are my horizons broadened, I'm also finally grateful for the culture I was born into!

unless you are 1st or second generation immigrants, chances are your family is made up of more than one cultural background and therefore really it's just that everyone's families are individual. people just keep hanging out the cultural thing because people don't want to be "different". it's more about being defensive than anything else. if you say "it's my culture" then you don't have to confront the idea that someone else is looking at you and your family and thinking that you are "weird". (and of course this does not apply to everyone. i'm talking about boring middle of the road americans who've been here for generations, not people who lead obviously different lifestyles (i.e. extreme religions or lifestyles)

silly, though. because we all seem "weird" in each other's eyes. you could argue that the friends and lovers we end up with in this world are the people that we think are the least weird...

That's my thought exactly! Hot little number waiting for the weekly salami dance with Mr. Mamma's Boy? HELL yes!

And...cultural implications? Well...that could be...that, AND he's slipping the hot fella to some hot outta town thing! Cross-culture-sexual-madness, I tell you! Crazy! Aaaahhhhhh! Imagine...

Her: "Oh, Moshe, I love your hot hands on my obi!"

Him: "Yes, Kumiko, and your kimono is making me verklempt!..."

Her: "Are you sure your wife doesn't know?"

Him: "She's at home now, reading Slate and waiting patiently for me to return to her, unaware and unconcerned, my little lotus blossom."

Her: "Wow. She's pretty f*cking stupid."

Him: "Roll over, lover, my schlong is going numb."

...Fade to black...

deduction:

unless you are 1st or second generation immigrants, chances are your family is made up of more than one cultural background and therefore really it's just that everyone's families are individual. people just keep hanging out the cultural thing because people don't want to be "different". it's more about being defensive than anything else. if you say "it's my culture" then you don't have to confront the idea that someone else is looking at you and your family and thinking that you are "weird". (and of course this does not apply to everyone. i'm talking about boring middle of the road americans who've been here for generations, not people who lead obviously different lifestyles (i.e. extreme religions or lifestyles)

I'm trying to think of some examples where the grandparent generation was born in the U.S. and the family is otherwise a member of the majority society (i.e. at least nominally or heritage-Christian and of European ancestry) and yet invokes a "cultural" explanation. Can't think of any--can you help me out?

In my experience, European-Americans of 4 or more generations in this country invoke explanations other than cultural (even if they are implicitly cultural). The most common of these is "it's my [specific denomination/interpretation of] religion" or "my socioeconomic class" or a military-parent or a family tragedy that caused the family to either draw together or apart relative to other American families.

Irish tempers? Loud, ravenous Italians? Except for invoking the negative stereotypes against themselves, I don't know of any.

I really was commenting on the fact that fraysters are bringing up culture in the first place. We know nothing about the LW and her cultural background, yet there were people suggesting that they were having cultural differences. A huge inference to make, just like i could turn around and infer that such people were projecting their issues onto her.

I also was speaking to the idea that in America, unless you have a close tie to your original culture (and that's a loaded phrase there..), you can't state that your behavior or family's behavior necessarily has anything to do with your "culture". Everyone is different and i was just trying to acknowledge that.

i also find it strange, marzipan, that you single out European Americans. I'm not "European American" and my family has been here for more than four generations and i don't use culture as an excuse for any ways that i or my family differ from others because i know i also differ from others that are supposedly the same "culture" as mine. It's all just words, nowadays, and that's not necessarily a bad thing. I think hiding your rationale behind cultural and societal mores limits your self development. How can one become enlightened by repeating other people's behaviors? Of course, not everyone's goal is enlightenment....

It just seems to me that if there were a cultural force at work, the LW would have mentioned it in her letter.

I was actually wondering if he had a wifey in his hometown.

So yeah, I have to say he's either getting some or he has a very tightly-wound umbilical cord.

deduction:

strange, marzipan, that you single out European Americans. I'm not "European American" and my family has been here for more than four generations and i don't use culture as an excuse for any ways that i or my family differ from others because i know i also differ from others that are supposedly the same "culture" as mine.

European-American is the dominant paradigm in the U.S. The majority has tradtionally viewed non-European minorities through a lens of "culture" or "subculture" i.e. "it's just those [American] Indians' culture." Further, the dominant society has attempted to view as culturally the same all members of the same minority ethnic group, despite their long vintage in this country e.g. Chinese since the 1800s.

You might not invoke culture because you recognize that several generations of your family were Americans. That does not prevent some in the dominant society or media to view you, based on phenotype, as part and parcel of a first or second generation immigrant family of your ethnicity.

And I agree with all who have said Prudie would have included any cultural reference if it had been made.

marzipan:

That does not prevent some in the dominant society or media to view you, based on phenotype, as part and parcel of a first or second generation immigrant family of your ethnicity.

Or alternately, as part and parcel of "the" native Black American culture. Note the oft-invoked "the."