Dear DPers,

Its' been a rough month or so, as you can imagine. I'm not fully ready to be the mom of only one child, but nobody asked me what I was ready for, did they? I found, amid a pile of photos of his cats, a picture with well, one of his cats, and my son peeking down into the photo with a sly grin on his face. It was like getting a little wink from heaven. I'll take it as a sign he's at peace, and try to move on a little: do whatever it is I can manage for as long as I'm on the planet. Ok, for at least an hour or so at a time. I can manage that. And so, with this (admittedly one-sided) bargain with the universe in place, I think I can finally manage to offer yall a nice set of Isolutions:

Dear Prudie,
I'm sure you're familiar with the "Wonderful But" letter form, of which this is one. My Mr. Wonderful But loves his family so much he actually spends weekends interacting with them in some fashion. Should I have him involuntarily committed until he hates his folks like a normal man? Since we're not married and I've only bought a house with him, I'm not sure I can sign the commitment papers myself, and don't spend enough time with his parents to know how much they'd have to be paid off. I want to whelp his pups but not if it means they must be subjected to their human grandparents on a regular basis.

signed,
Raised by Nannies

Dear Mass Product,
By all means dump him. He needs someone who values family relationships that include grandparents who'll watch your kids for two weeks while you go on vacation, and not for money. I can only imagine you have no idea what else could possibly motivate anyone to do such a thing. I mean, it's not your home? Honey, if you marry him, it's your family too. Get used to it or get gone.

signed,
Iso loved our weekends at Grandpa's farm and it made me a better person, too

Dear Prudie,
My husband left me for a succubus who is now trying to succubate my kids too. What spell can I use to break her power?
signed,
Mom. Just Mom. Dammit, Susie!

Dear Be More of a Mom,
Tie a red ribbon around your daughter's arm at the full moon, and incant these magical words: I love you sweetie, and I will always be your Mommy, and a part of me will always be with you so you are never alone, and whenever you need me I will be there for you, because I love being your Mommy.

Ok, so you can leave out the moon and ribbon stuff. She'll figure it all out when Jezebel starts succubating a new victim -- er, lover, which probably won't be long now. I wonder what your ex will want your daughter to call his new soon to be ex-wife then. In the meantime, stop putting the kids in the middle with the "ignoring" and the "I don't know that person" jazz, and stop rewarding the 7 year old for correcting her. Let. It. Go. It's a lose/lose proposition and your kids deserve better than these head games, from both your houses.
signed,
Iso know you are capable of better; your ex is obviously not.

Dear Prudie,
Why can't I get past the 3rd date when I can't see early relationships as anything but 1. a manipulative game or 2. an engineering problem?
signed,
Oh, Just Get On With It, Buddy

Dear Oh, Just Don't,
It may be hard for you to comprehend, but these are human beings you are going places and eating things with. Not potential living arrangements. Until you figure out what that means, you need to stop it. All of it.
signed,
Iso wonder who feels more used after that "skip the stupid games" rebuff

Dear Prudie,
I love my employees so much I want to take them on a honeymoon. With matching shirts and bikinis.
signed,
Don't Think Of Me As Just A Boss!

Dear THINK,
In the 90s, I started working for a Swedish American company right after the entire firm had spent a week at Sandals Jamaica. From what I gather, the Swedes don't have a problem with employee naked PDAs, the Americans would have rather gotten the cash and the week off, and the uninvited spouses and new employee tended to feel painfully jealous and left out. Until the embarrassing photos started circulating. Mama Mia! Oh, and nobody will be happy, whether you do the trip again next year or not.
signed,
Iso recall they were out of business within 3 years anyway.

Great advice! I believe Generous George will soon out of business too.

"Succubate?" You rock, huh? Great stuff as always.

Be well, patient one.

It seems that visiting the parents (with a twelve hour commute, round trip) every single weekend when you're a fully grown adult is anything but acceptable.

The LW may well have a healthy relationship with her family; all we know is that her boyfriend does not.

If she marries this guy, she won't be able to have a healthy relationship with her own family. She'll either get in a fight with him every time she wants to see her own family on a weekend (alone), or she'll have to take time off work to see them, or her family will have to come see his family, as well.

My kids loved seeing their grandparents and other relations every month, give or take. They got to go visit for a week or two every summer, as well. But they had time for other pursuits, as well.

I almost married a momma's boy. His family lived in the same town he did, so no questions asked, we saw them every weekend. My family was nothing but nice to him, and he would argue with me every time I wanted to visit my family, who lived 15 or 20 minutes away. He found my family "overwhelming". His family is larger than my family.

And his family wasn't all that nice either. His being a momma's boy is one of the main reasons we broke up.

When is LW1 going to find an opportunity to conceive children with her boyfriend? He's never home on the weekends!

um, early mornings, quickie lunches, before dinner, after dinner, at bedtime. It really doesn't take that much time. Some guys less than others...

trying to figure out his real motivation here.

rosie56:

um, early mornings, quickie lunches, before dinner, after dinner, at bedtime. It really doesn't take that much time. Some guys less than others...

That's about all she going to get with that boy!

Yep. The real issue is the amount of time it takes to raise kids, not make them. And then there's traveling with babies. To bring up last week's discussion again, I remember kneeling on the back seat to pop a breast into a crying infant's mouth without taking him out of the car seat. Bottles don't work because they require burping afterward and you can't burp a baby without taking him out of the car seat. (We occasionally travelled from the DC area to the Pittsburgh area. The goal was to not stop--6 hours was long enough.) Doing it weekly? Ugh. I shudder to imagine it.

I get the feeling she may be part of the reason he's running home to mom's every w/e, anyway!

If I were to give her any more advice, it'd be: if you want to stay in this relationship, sell the house and move the two of you closer to his parents. I have to wonder, as well, whether she's part of the reason he leaves every weekend!

I still think he's running two households....going "home to Mamma" every weekend without fail could mean that he has to or his wife will freak.....

But then, what do I know?

Isonomist:

I get the feeling she may be part of the reason he's running home to mom's every w/e, anyway!

If so, he needs to grow up and quit trying to run to Mama to escape his problems.

I knew a guy who whined that his girlfriend "wouldn't let him" break up with her. Then she made him move in with her. Then she got herself pregnant. Then he whined that he didn't want to return his brand new pickup with bucket seats and sideway back seats, just because it wouldn't fit a car seat!