Or maybe just being a little dramatic...

Yes, Prudie, having a newborn is a most vulnerable of times, and therein lies the possibility that our new mommy's own sense of vulnerability (accompanied by a preexisting nagging sense of guilt she imposed on herself in advance) may be leading her to apply a drama filter to what is otherwise well meaning advice.

"Shouted at" for having a bottle? Really? Sounds like another peacenick-spitting-at-returnin­g-vets urban myth. Let me know when you get spit on the street at by crazed La Leche activists.

Any good advice columnists ought to consider that this woman is probably filtering the questions and advice she is getting into attacks on her, so that she can then channel her guilt and doubts into a counter-attack on all those unreasonable mamo-terrorists and re-frame herself as victim. That's psych 101.

Yes, La Leche activists are outspoken and passionate. They are trying to counter millions of dollars of formula industry propaganda and misinformation and get women to re-consider breast feeding - the free, nutritionally perfect, evolutionary tuned, and deveopmentally valuable gift from God.

As for medical professionals, they are notorious for poor bedside manner and dumb comments - about everything, not just the lactation lady.

In any event, I have a hard time believing that this woman is under constant verbal assault from strangers simply because she isn't breast feeding. People in this world just aren't that mean.

While this old retired soldier was not spit at by war protestors, I do very distinctly remember having two rather disheveled looking college-age individuals yell at me and call me a baby killer while I was in uniform walking through Newark Airport in Dec, 1971.

The irony is I was not a returning Vietnam veteran but just going home for Christmas. Hell of a way to start the holidays, having some of the people I had sworn to protect and defend call me names.

I have seen several of those so-called myth buster programs broadcast. Until that sactimonious limp-wristed pencil-necked geek talks to me and other soldiers I know, he cannot possibly claim to have disproven any myths of what it was like to be soldier in this country during that time.

I have to agree: this lady seems to be overly dramatic and/or she has a warped perception of what is being said to her.

I'm sure there have been some pro-breast-feeding comments made to her, but I doubt that she is being yelled at by strangers for feeding her baby a bottle. Ridiculous.

And if her story is true, I want to know where she lives. I've never heard of a place like this.

For many soldiers, it sucked to be there. For many it also sucked coming back.

We don't need to go there or to talk to every one of you to figure that out. I see the wreckage every day in homeless vets, substance abuse, suicides, and the rest. You can see the struggle in the lives and faces of even the ones who came back and kept it toegether.

The pencil necked limp wristed geeks you should be angry at are the ones who sent you their on a lie and kept you there under more lies. Then hung you out to dry when you returned.

If you have any anger left over, you can be angry at the chicken hawk draft dodger who is doing it all over again to another generation of soldiers.

In any event, you didn't get spit at. And the need to keep that lie alive and stay mad at peace activists who wanted you out of there rather than the sociopaths who sent you there is not going to get you anywhere.

that since those kids didn't spit on me but 'only' called me a baby killer, it was okay? If those kids wanted to protest the war, do it to the folks in charge, not the soldiers having to fight it.

What makes you so sure that if two kids would call me a baby killer in the middle of an airport, somewhere else other more extreme 'peace activists' did not spit on soldiers? What makes me angry is the attempt to pass off as a myth through a very limited and biased sample an event that undoubtedly did happen. The animosity to the serving soldiers was so extreme in certain circles it was almost unbelievable.

Personal opinions regarding whether we should have been there, or Iraq now aside, you don't treat your soldiers who have volunteered to serve you with such disrespect.

As has been suggested in other threads, possibly on one of the coasts, in a "progressive" urban or suburban area with a large leisure class that has time on its hands to worry about these things. Knowing where Emily lives, I'm not surprised she believed it enough to publish the letter: I do, too.

between what the writer implies ("shouting") and occasional well-meaning if not unsolicited questions and comments.

Those sort of conversations, as was pointed out elesewhere, happen all the time to parents for years, on all issues of parenting, and with agendas across the spectrum of values - from "how dare you spank your child" to "you will go to hell if you don't give him the strap". Comes with the territory.

It is interesting that those people who get so chaffed at these questions, inevitably get chaffed mainly because it offers a view that contradicts their own choice. After all the noise about nosiness, it is the insecurity and doubts at being confronted with other opinions that gets under their skin.

Ever have anyone ask you which politician you support or wehat church you go to? Why doesn't that get everyone riled up?

Also interesting is that these same people never complain about the relentless avalanche of magazine and TV articles and ADVERTISEMENTS that stick their noses directly in everyone's business and tell them what to do in no uncertain terms, using the worst sort of manipulative applied psych.

Sarvis:

between what the writer implies ("shouting") and occasional well-meaning if not unsolicited questions and comments.

Which does not change my answer in the slightest. You are fortunate never to have encountered this level of zealotry, and I'm not saying that this sort of thing happens every day, but I do believe that it has happened, and to a degree that might leave someone shellshocked.

I have no doubt that she has been treated poorly by advocates of breast feeding. I am a big supporter of a woman's right to breastfeed and encouraging the practice, but I am appalled by the tactics and approaches of some of the people on this issue. Some people adopt views that are so extreme as to be completely alienating, such as likening bottle feeding to abuse. It's a terrible thing to do to a new mother and completely counterproductive in my view.

I extend the letter writer my sympathies and hope she'll learn to brush it off and be comfortable with her own situation. Breast feeding is not an acid test for good mothering, whether it is a choice or not.

My sister was ridiculed for not nursing my niece by one of her friends. This was the same friend who now feeds her breastfed kids Fruit Loops and Hawaiian Punch for breakfast. My sister told said friend to shove it.

I completely agree with Bagelwoman. Just because someone has not witnessed or experienced this level of zealotry does not mean it does not happen. In fact, where I live, I am sure the zealots would say "oh, no. I was not yelling. it was well-meaning advice" while the recipient and other objective observers would summarize otherwise. I am pro-breast feeding - my 4 kids (including my twins) all nursed. And, on balance, where there is a choice, I believe that breastfeeding makes the most sense. But, it is not for everyone (for myriad reasons). And, yet, there are real zealots who absolutely go over-the-top on the issue to the point of harrassing a baby's caregiver (mom, dad, babysitter, anyone). And this does not only happen where there is too much leisure time. Are people so close-minded to assume that just because the LW's experience does not match theirs that the LW must be lying or exaggerating?

All you morons who assume the new mom must be "lying" or "hysterical" or "exaggerating" just because YOU PERSONALLY have never experienced or witnessed the Boobie-Stasi's extremism are what Stalin used to refer to as "Useful Idiots", and what modern pop-psychologist call "enablers." You must be so proud of yourselves.

methinks you might be wee bit over the top yourself.

I agree that the post was over-the-top but if we don't find good hyperbole in the Fray, what is the Fray coming to? I do agree with the sentiment, however (as I say in the prior post) but I wish that folks would resist going so far as to make comparisons to stalinism or nazism in order to make their points.

jburd1:

that since those kids didn't spit on me but 'only' called me a baby killer, it was okay? If those kids wanted to protest the war, do it to the folks in charge, not the soldiers having to fight it.

What makes you so sure that if two kids would call me a baby killer in the middle of an airport, somewhere else other more extreme 'peace activists' did not spit on soldiers? What makes me angry is the attempt to pass off as a myth through a very limited and biased sample an event that undoubtedly did happen. The animosity to the serving soldiers was so extreme in certain circles it was almost unbelievable.

Personal opinions regarding whether we should have been there, or Iraq now aside, you don't treat your soldiers who have volunteered to serve you with such disrespect.

As someone who was an anti-war activist at the time let me say I do believe some idiot probably spit on a returning soldier at some point. I know it didn't happen often, since I never saw it happen and have never heard from someone who did, but the movement had it's share of nutcases... just as there were a small handful of real "baby killers" and ear-collectors and other genuine nutcases among the returning vets.

The vast majority of those who protested the war had no issues with the soldiers fighting it. We just wanted to get them all home in one piece, and were deeply ashamed of those who called themselves one of us and abused the vets. Some of our loudest and proudest mouthpieces were returning vets. The VVAW brought the antiwar message home to a lot of people who otherwise never would have bothered to listen.

On behalf of the part of our generation who fought against the war instead of in it, I apologize to you. Had I been there to hear it I would have stood up for you at the time - long hair, fringe jacket and peace symbol notwithstanding. So would most of those I hung out with.

Oh... and for the record, we did protest it to the folks in charge. Four of us died for doing so at Kent State. Thousands of others had their heads beaten in with nightsticks, got teargassed, stomped and arrested while doing nothing more violent than sitting on the ground, holding hands, singing "Give Peace a Chance". If you missed that part, the film footage is still widely available.

Most of the men and women who served in the Nam have every right to be proud of their service to this country. Personally I think most of the men and women who stood up and fought to end it here at home also have every right to be proud of their service as well. My 80-year old mother got herself arrested at an Army Recruiting office not long ago, protesting this latest idiocy in Iraq. I must say I am damn proud of her...