Dear Prudence,

My brother and I use to have a wonderful relationship. We enjoy the same type of activities, music, and movies. This all changed when he got married after getting his girlfriend pregnant. Now we hardly ever talk and he has forgotten two birthdays and Christmases. We are both deployed over seas I'm in Korea and he is in Iraq. I have sent him letters and gifts but have received nothing in return. I am very hurt about this and don't know how to approach him about how he is making me feel. Should I write him a letter or should I wait till we are both back in the states before I approach him.

Feeling hurt

I am not Pru, but wow! Having lived overseas several times, I know you are in very different situations. You are where? Osan? He is where? Middle of the desert? Fake Rolex vendors are easier to find in Korea. Even if he is in a situation to send gifts, he is not obligated. Nobody owes you anything. Next time you have an opportunity to talk, just tell him you love him and drop it.

I expect your brother probably has a lot on his plate at the moment. He's in the middle of a war, in a country where most of the population see him as an invader. This is hard. He has to build strong teams with his colleagues in order to cope with this. What little free time he has left, he is probably spending trying to build his new family. He's not rejecting you - he is just very much shorter on time than he was when there was just the two of you.

By all means write him a letter and send him gifts, but do it because you are thinking about him and hope he is well, not because you're testing him to see whether he sends something back.