Dear Prudence,

Let me just say, that I adore your column and read it every week. However, I feel inclined to point out how strongly i disagree with your response to the panicked mother searching through her son's cell phone. I myself am 23 years old, and I regularly send risque photographs, similar to ones described, to my long distance boyfriend's cell phone. I have been doing this for about two years now, and trust him entirely with the photographs. I don't think there's anything wrong with this practive, but even at this stage I would never send one unless he asked me to. I assure you that no 15 year old girl, who's been dating a high school senior for just one month would voluntarily send these photos of herself without a little (or a lot of) coaxing from her new older boyfriend. While I certainly agree that 15 is very young to be engaging in such behavior, and high school is probably the worst place to have naked pictures of yourself floating around, it should certainly be noted that the boy should be getting most of the blame in this scenerio.

Speaking from Experience.

Are you nuts? When I was this boy's age I had a girlfriend the SAME age. She was literally an absolute, brazen nympho. The stunts she pulled made a few cell phone pics seem like child's play- this was 22 years ago- pre-computer/pre-cellphone days.

Note to Emily's doctor's please pull her out of her coma prior to letting her reproduce.

In all seriousness, you shouldn't post under your real name (especially if you're posting "True Confessions"). If you check your settings, I think Slate offers you the option of changing your screen name retroactively, so if you put in something anonymous, it will change for your existing posts too.

Oh come on. You think that you were so different at the age of 21 than a 15 year old, that something YOU did is not something that she would consider?

Even if he did coax her to do so, he should not receive most of the blame. She chose to do this. Personally I think it's a bad idea, but not something that is worng. The problem is that under the law, this is considered child pornography and eveyrone involved can get into a lot of trouble.

Someone needs to point that out to her, because I doubt she realizes the legal troubles that can be faced.

Right on, OIFVet! I used to warn my son about girls (who are, remember, about 2 years ahead of boys developmentally up to a certain point). I'd say, "Know how I know about these kinds of girls? 'Cause I used to be one!"

Yes pubescent girls are developmentally ahead of boys by at least two years. During adolescence and after I think that number leaps to at least 10-15 years more developed. That's why guys are enamored with porn and women don't get it. That's why guys are enamored with XBox 360 and girls don't get it.

I think men finally catch up with women in their late 50s. Sadly, by that time we are nearly dead.

I don't think it's fair that this whole situation has been swept into the girl's lap. There's no telling what he has been sending her or doing to her to make her want to send these pictures. I'm pretty sure that with him being 18, he wanted to have a girlfriend who was "with it" sexually and not still unexperienced. What the mother should have been advised to do was to have a talk with the son to see what the nature of their relationship was and to have a discussion with him about not leading this young girl down a bad road. I know that it takes two to tango, but he is the older of the two and it could be that she was doing what she felt was necessary to save her relationship. The mother needs to open her eyes and not declare the son automatically innocent. After all, if he was receiving the pics against his will he wouldn't have kept them in the phone.

There's always "the other side of the story" and I think most of us here understand that. The LW is the parent of the boy. I'm taking the position of what to do if you are the parent of the BOY. You need to protect your own first, especially in a situation where there is potential life long legal ramifications of this situation.

I think that the people who say "what about the girl" aren't parents and don't understand how serious this could be. At least for me, when I say "stay away from the girl" it's not because she is a horrible influence, it's to remove him from a very bad situation. The boy is in NO WAY blameless whether he requested the pictures or not. He also needs to be made aware that he could be labeled a sexual offender for the rest of his life because "the girl" is seriously underage.

So women have no self-control or willpower? Is that what you want me to believe? If Hillary goes nuclear because some foreign leader disses her new hair style, that's totally rational because women can't possibly be in control of their own actions!

P.S. Do you realize that pics sent via cell phone are completely unsecure? I mean, they're not even close to "private."

kaygee123:

After all, if he was receiving the pics against his will he wouldn't have kept them in the phone.

You don't know many 17 year old boys, do you?

Mother who wrote in should have raised her boy to have more respect for women than to carry around such pictures in his phone of his supposed girlfriend; she also should have raised him to be capable of dating women his own age, not children.

Mother number two, the girl's mom, ought to have raised her daughter to have enough self respect not to want to throw herself at such a highly inappropriate target.

And I say this as a mother of two awesome young men, who would never have pulled crap like this. How do I know? Because it's my job to know.

<EOM>

Iso, I hope that I do as well a job as you! I'm being completely honest right now, no sarcasm! Like most parents, I'm sure, I hope that I'm doing the right things to make sure that my children grow up to respect themselves and others in all ways.

Being one of the kids who was raised right but made some REALLY BAD decisions in life: if you are raised right you will end up okay. Even if you take some detours along the way, you will come back to what is right.

Iso, welcome back, sweetheart! You have been missed! ;)

You know what I think is the most important thing to do as a parent? Teach your kids to think for themselves. If they learn to choose good behavior, they won't need to look to mom and dad to know what right and wrong is, and they won't need to rebel either. As my mom once said, "I know I wasn't a perfect mother, but I was the best mother I could be, and all I can ask of you all is to be a better parent than I was."