My great-grandmother would always give money to panhandlers. She didn't have much herself, and was always giving what she did have away, often to the chagrin of friends and relatives. Whenever confronted about her overly-generous habits and the bad ones she was likely subsidizing, she would reply that she had done what she needed to be right with her conscience and God. Anything else was between the other person, God and his/her conscience.

The story has stuck with me ever since, and I don't think it would be a bad thing if more people operated on the same principle (I try to, now). After all, we only really have control and responsibility for our own selves in the end.

in practice, this is how alcoholics, drug abusers, wife beaters, and more stay with enabling friends or family. Since the enablers are not responsible for the behavior of the ones harming themselves or others, they actually help them to do so.

We each have a responsibilty to each other, which is obviously stronger the closer you are to someone. If you have a reasonable suspicion that the donation is going to be used to harm himself or others, you actually have a moral responsibilty NOT to help them.

A friend had a roommate who would use all his grocery money to buy drugs. The friend would buy the roommate groceries. Finally, he realized that the only way his rommate would have an incentive to STOP using drugs was if he had to spend his drug money to eat.

When approached at the gas pump, you could offer to actually put gas in the vehicle.

Once I was approached for a donation for food. When I offered to go into the convenience store and buy him a sandwich, I was told, "I don't need a sandwich, I need cash!"

That told me right there what was going on. I have also see people offer McDonald's bags to folks standing at intersections, only to see them rejected and tossed after the people drive away.

Give with an open heart when you feel it is right, but be careful and don't get your heart broken.

I'm confronted by so many panhandlers a day that giving even a little to each would be a major dent in my income. Plus, I give all my extra cash to musicians.

Now that I think about it...there's a difference between panhandling and scamming. Maybe panhandlers deserve Christian charity, but scammers don't. Not even the Christian scammers.

I can only speak to how I respond to people in these situations. First, the fact that I'm a man probably makes how I choose to respond more comfortable than I might feel if I were a woman.

But my gender and safety concerns notwithstanding, I do my best to react in a manner consistent with my spiritual values. As someone who aspires to live in the example of Christ, I am often reminded of his teaching that what you do "to the least of these, you do to me." In that context, I try to react to people asking for my help or generosity as I would if I knew that person was Christ.

So these moments are, for me, spiritual tests. And both me and the person asking for my help are being tested. I am being tested to see how I react to another human being who comes to me with their needs. They are being tested to see what they will do with help provided to them. It's not my place to judge what they need, and especially not by comparing their needs with my own.

When I am asked to spare a little money, I share what I can when I'm able. But even when I happen to not have any change or cash on my person, I always give what I can give freely...recognition of human dignity. I smile, look them in the eye, and say "Sorry, my friend, I don't have any cash on me." I have always been given courtesy in return. Perhaps I'm lucky, but I believe that what we offer to the world is ultimately what the world offers to us.

I also try to remember a passage from Khalil Gibran's wonderful book, "The Prophet" in which he says about giving:

"He who deserves to receive his days and his nights deserves to receive all else from you. And he who deserves to drink from the ocean of life deserves to fill his cup from your little stream."

Does this mean I'm taken in by cons from time to time? Very likely so. But I would prefer to be a giving human being, no matter how misplaced someone else thinks I may be, than someone who shuts out the needs of others around me. After all, it may be me who is someday in need.

I, too, try to respond according to my stated beliefs. I take the time to say, "No, I won't give you cash, but I WILL buy you (the hamburger, the gas, etc.)"

Only twice did the person agree, and one of those stated changing his story halfway across the parking lot. When he saw I really meant I'd buy the hamburger and not give him cash, he told me "Forget it," and went back to his hangout. Going with me wasted too much time he could be asking for cash.

The other guy agreed, let me buy him a taco, and refused to let me buy him anything else.

Being female, I wouldn't have even talked to them if it were dark or deserted.

I used to be apt to give a dollar every now and then, but then I went to Cambodia and saw real poverty...kinda makes everything else seem paltry. After seeing kids and adults walking around begging when they had no arms or legs or darn near any limbs at all, it kind of makes "losing your wallet" seem insignificant and easily managed without much outside effort.

For that, I'm nominating you for a front-row seat in Music Heaven.

"Blessed is he that giveth unto the poor, the unamplified,
and those that find themselves acapella. Lucky is such a man, that showeth kindness to the rhythmic, for he is truely
One with the Divine Backbeat.

Can I get a ...two... three... four...

|-)

Dear Yggy: Panhandling isn't scamming? They stand out there with a sign stating that they are hungry, a veteran, etc., etc. Isn't that a scam. Here there are panhandlers who "Won't work for food," because they are making $40 an hour standing on the median begging. It's a lot easier and more lucrative than anything else they can do. My husband always gives money to the scammers because he says it isn't up to him to judge whether they need it or not, however, then he doesn't tip very well in a restaurant. He has some skewed priorities. On the other hand, I seldom give money to panhandlers but tip generously.

When I worked downtown, I often gave to the homeless, including buying lunch, etc. But one day, I gave a woman a dollar and she said, "Can I have another?" and I sort of got disgusted. Also, because I now work at home, in the suburbs, most of the panhandlers I see are that sort of, "My car broke down -- can you help me?" scammers, and I don't like to support that.

But I do like to be charitable. In Miami, we have a group that sells a little newsletter called Homeless Voice on some corners, with the money to go to the homeless. Now, I give money to them. I also make it a point to tip my bag person at the supermarket, which has a no-tipping policy. In my mind, the bag person is working hard to get by. My supermarket hires the elderly and sometimes the mentally disabled. So I'd rather give my money to someone who is trying hard to eke out a living than someone who might use it to buy drugs (I also get more smiley carry-out service).

Acidtongue:

I also make it a point to tip my bag person at the supermarket, which has a no-tipping policy. In my mind, the bag person is working hard to get by. My supermarket hires the elderly and sometimes the mentally disabled. So I'd rather give my money to someone who is trying hard to eke out a living than someone who might use it to buy drugs (I also get more smiley carry-out service).

Yeah but, doesn't a store with a no tipping policy demand that their employee's don't accept tips?? I'd be very careful to make sure that $5 you are slipping the bag boy doesn't cost him his job....

I used to behave in a similar way - giving away money whenever I could and whatever I had. I always felt guilty that I was being judgmental, though - that I was disproportionately favoring the friendly, the smart, or the good-looking... or that I was making assumptions about relative needs that were totally off-base (what if the guy with no legs has a home to go back to, but the thirty-year old vet is truly destitute?).

Then, one day I got mugged by a man who asked me for help "pushing his car." He lured me several blocks off the beaten path, and took $200 from me by force.

That was about seven years ago. I haven't given money since. I do still give cigarettes (because I know how much it hurts to need one and not have it). And I try to always look the panhandler in the eye, and say "no." To me, the moral hazard of the situation is losing track of the other person's humanity. Money or not, they deserve the dignity of eye contact and a response - even if I'm nothing more than a passing wallet with legs.

Sociologists tell us we are more likely to help someone the more they resemble us - Same race, age, whatever, Men are more likely to assist females, as well, and the better mood you are in, the LESS likely you are to assume a problem is an emergency. Finally, the more people are around, the less likely you are to assume responsibility for the problem, whether it's a bum without a cigarette or a man bleeding on the sidewalk.

I agree that it wouldn't be bad for more people to operate in a more generous way. On the other hand, when you're in a drive thru and someone is asking for money, most likely it's not because they want to go in and buy the food themselves. It's because they know people have small amounts of money and change that they are counting out for the drive thru and this is their opportunity to cash in.

When I find myself in a situation where someone is asking for money for "food," I tell them politely that I will have no problem adding a cheeseburger to my order for them. If they refuse, they don't really want the food. Then you can feel guilt free about not giving them money. If someone is hungry, they'll eat what they have to. If they want to scam you, then they won't want your food. Anyways, $20 is RIDICULOUSLY generous, I've NEVER heard of anyone giving more than a couple bucks to someone begging. Don't risk that much of your money, they can buy a whole lot of crack with that!