I feel moved to share my disappointment regarding Prudie's suggested diagnosis of this gal's mother as someone with Borderline Personality Disorder. "Your mother is a difficult, and possibly disturbed, person (borderline personality disorder, anyone?)"

As a woman diagnosed with BPD, I am hurt to see negative stereotypes perpetuated, especially to such a large audience. This mental illness is horrible; the stigma just adds to the joy.

Lots of people are 'difficult' without having a mental illness. Conversely, I know quite a few people suffering from mental illnesses, including BPD, that are wonderful, caring, considerate, and certainly wouldn't be labeled 'difficult' under most definitions of the term.

Please, let's leave the mental health diagnoses to the professionals. Sometimes a rose is just a rose and an irritating person just simply that...

Sincerely,

~Starry76~

Besides, everyone is so eager to put a label on things like the mother's behavior, did Prudie ever stop to think that she's just mean?

Nasty, whining, entitled behavior is, as far as I know not a mental illness. Character flaw, sure, but there isn't any treatment for that.

dunno', messy. MIL is nasty, whining, entitled behavior along with being a leach, a hypoctrite & adiction problems.

We think she is nuts, she is either in need of medication or a good old electronic shock therapy.

I'm Bi Polar NOS, and when I tell people that they are shocked. I hope Prudie is reading these and realizes that she is continually offending lots of wonderful people who shouldn't be looked down upon anymore than someone who is diabetic or has a heart condition would be.

They don't have to be "mentally disturbed," sometimes an a-hole is just an a-hole....

Well, I hate to be accused of "agism,' but there are certainly a lot of older women (mostly) who try to make their children feel guilty that they don't cater to their every whim now that they are older and have some health problems. The LW has plenty on her plate as it is, without having to be available 24/7 for her mother. Also, if the mother would sign up for some senior activities, she wouldn't be such a whiner and might make some friends along the way.

What's wrong with the son, can't he handle an episode of vertigo? It's always the daughter or DIL who is expected to take care of everyone. However, why is the LW going to work in another state and do a lot of traveling when she is recovering from chemotherapy? And her future is uncertain? Maybe the husband should also reallize that she needs more rest. Maybe he should get someone to take the LW's place for a few years.

[

The problem is that there are those out there with these problems but the problem comes in that there are also many out their who don't have these problems but will claim them for an excuse just to be the way they are.....

Thank you, thank you, thank you, Starry76! I felt exactly the same way when I read Prudie's reply. I have been diagnosed with BPD as well and I really resent the implication that people afflicted with BPD are automatically difficult and disturbed. I was going to write in to the columnist but you've said it more eloquently than I could. I'd encourage you to write and share your feelings. I think Prudie needs some education in this matter.

Some people just have to work, or maybe work is a respite for her from her home life.

Let me just start by saying, I know these comments will upset some people and I'm sorry for that. However, my mother has borderline personality disorder. And no, people with BPD are not 'caring, considerate' people. They are quite difficult to live with according to most definitions of the word.

I understand that mental illness is hard on the person who has it. However, it is also very hard for those people who are around said person. Many times the person with BPD will even refuse to seek treatment because, as my mother says "I like being a bitch, you can just live with it".

Now, before people start saying 'well that is just one case' - lets look at how BPD is defined by the professionals. Stanford (http://www.stanford.edu/~core­lli/borderline.html) and the Mayo Clinic (http://www.mayoclinic.com/hea­lth/borderline-personality-dis­order/DS00442/DSECTION=2) both talk about the 'stormy' relationships that BPD people have. In the cluster of personality disorders, borderline is lumped with narcissistic and antisocial behavior.

If you are a kind considerate person who gets along well with others, then by definition, you are not BPD. Its like saying you are a diabetic who's body maintains their blood sugar levels perfectly.

*Note - sorry, I still cannot figure out the HTML stuff.

Oh and NAMI has a great little webpage too! <link>

...ingorant, doing the best with what they aint got. applies to a lot of people and subjects, not just health care.

if it were not for stereotyping, must people would have a thought process that's not even nearly as keen as a dog's.

garbage in, garbage out, they say in the computer business. and holds true for education too. teach people crap, and that's all they'll think.

Without following your links I have to play devil's advocate and ask how many people are "diagnosed" so that so sort of medication can be prescribed? Seriously, defining everything as a disorder, rightfully or wrong, when sometimes things are what they are, people with bad behavior (in the case of mental health) and getting bloody old and the parts are wearing out. The DSM has expanded in our lifetime, and rightfully so with the advance research, diagnostic and treatment techniques and chemical breakthroughs, but it is still a very inexact science and there are never pat, definitive answers or magic pills. I really feel if Psychologists and et al of those fields of medicine were allowed, everyone would be on medication of some sort supporting big pharma and the diagnosis would always be used as an excuse for bad behavior. I agree with whoever said, sometimes and asshole is just an asshole and no diagnosis or pill can wipe that out.

"If you are a kind considerate person who gets along well with others, then by definition, you are not BPD."

Wrong. Susan, a pattern of unstable relationships is only one of the nine criteria cited by the Diagnostic & Statistical Manual IV for diagnosing Borderline Personality Disorder. You don't need to have all of them to be diagnosed. You only need to meet five to be diagnosed as having BPD.

I'm sorry that you have a difficult mother. But don't paint all of us with the same brush based on anecdotal evidence.

While I don't have a DSM handy, the majority of diagnosis do have what is called a 'Chinese menu' method of categorizing. That is, as you stated, you only have to have so many of the criteria in order to get a diagnosis. However, each diagnosis typically has some mandatory criteria that has to be met in order for a diagnosis to be given. PTSD is the one I'm most familiar with. To use it as an example, while you do not have to have all the criteria, you do have to meet so many criteria from each of the categories (I believe it is 3 from A, 3 from B and 2 from C but I could be wrong).

As all three websites (good websites with good backgrounds) mention stormy relationships, I'm pretty comfortable in saying that stormy relationships is one of those manditory defining characteristics.

Unless you want to give us a link / write up of the DSM for BPD?