Prudie's comment just made me so (probably somewhat irrationally) mad.

As I have lived my entire life in America, I am a native English speaker, I dress like an American, and everything about my mannerisms and appearance is American except that I'm obviously of a non-Caucasian ethnicity.

And it is an incredible annoyance to me when strangers praise my English, get up in my face and talk very loudly or over- enunciate, or talk to my friends about me as if I can't understand ("Would your friend like to try that on?").

I realize in the grand scheme of things that it's not very important, but it is very rude. So please ignore Prudie and do not comment on other people's English ability or assume what that ability is unless you're their ESL tutor. Dumb people falsely hear "accents" when they see a different face or skin color.

...what kind of 'accent' do you have? asian ethnicity?

i have an accent. think The Terminator, but more professorial. and i've always understood americans to mean, your english doesn't match your appearance, we're curious why. i have had people ask me directly why i still have an accent. then i've been informed by a european or two that i should have less of an accent then i do. i used to use Kissinger as an excuse, but then schwartzy came along and got me off the hook. and then there are times when people know my name and talk to me and it drives them nuts because they can't place the accent. i used to do consulting work in the defense world, and each person i would meet would inquire about my nationality, country of origin, etc. i been guessed a scots man, a swede, anything but a Berliner. and when i tell them German, they take a leap backwards like they're about to lose their lifes. Americans are, well, human, and loaded with movie stereotypes.

Insurfa, do you have darker features? I'm German descent and fit the German stereotype. Other people from Germany I know do not fit the German stereotype and get mistaken for Italian, Spanish, anything but German. When they tell people that yes, I'm 100% German, and people say, "no! Really?" they find it annoying, as I would too.

Yes, Asian ethnicity. No, I do not speak an Asian language, celebrate Asian holidays, or watch anime.

Honestly, I don't like to talk about my ethnicity or my family situation. I think that it's every bit as rude when strangers ask me about these things as if I asked them personal questions about their life. I think from now on I will answer questions like

"Oh were you adopted? A lot of girls are adopted from Asia." (Oh thank you SO MUCH for reminding me why I was adopted) with

"Oh did your parents love your siblings more than you? A lot of rude people didn't get enough attention as children".

Somehow, as the LW noted, foreignness or the perception thereof becomes an excuse for Americans to ask any personal question they want. A lot of people feel that it's the foreign person's "duty" to educate others about their culture or country, but I say that's BS. People should only feel obliged to share as much as they feel like and if it leaves some people uneducated, that's what Wikipedia is for.

Another annoyance- when someone asks me where I'm from, I tell them Pennsylvania, and they respond "no, I mean, where are you REALLY from?"

My youngest sister was adopted from South Korea when she was six months old. I sometimes got the question "Are you as close to her as you are to your other sisters?"--mind you, this was usually from clueless junior high kids, I don't really get that question any more.

If my mom was out with all of us, she would get total strangers that would ask "Are they all yours?" (What's a good comeback for that?--"No, I'm just borrowing them for the day.")

Shouldn't you say American English speaker?

Grungie:

My youngest sister was adopted from South Korea when she was six months old. I sometimes got the question "Are you as close to her as you are to your other sisters?"--mind you, this was usually from clueless junior high kids, I don't really get that question any more.

If my mom was out with all of us, she would get total strangers that would ask "Are they all yours?" (What's a good comeback for that?--"No, I'm just borrowing them for the day.")

My cousin who can't have children adopted children from different backgrounds. She gets asked the dumbest questions. They say stuff like, "He's your son? Is your husband Chinese?" Not even asian, just "Chinese?" As if that was the only Asian country in existence. The little boy was born in the states and is Thai and two other Caucasian nationalities.

I hear you too! I am Iraqi, born and raised in Ohio. I look white but I have an ethnic name. I get all kinds of questions that now spill over into the political realm - completely inappropriate conversation with strangers. I'm happy to talk about myself, my culture, food, music, etc., but I am not going to sit here and represent Iraq when I've never even been there myself.

...is a ready joke for me. i mention the name of the state i lived in for years and raised my kids in.....I get a smile, sometimes a laugh, and sometimes an anoyed comment to the contrary, but also sometimes a loving look sparkling with laughter.

Look, when in Rome, the Romans get their way and set the standard of 'normal'. I have experienced largely goodwill and goodnatured people. There are some people who hate Germans worse then any ethnic group i've experienced, certainly worse then black people. And I've been treated like a black man in white skin. When I worked in the defense world, I got to learn the spirit and meaning of white crackers. I know exactly what black americans think with that term. They;re alive and thriving and i know there are mean spirited closed minded people parading in the mantle of 'freedom'. So even though I am caucasian, I've been treated with the same racial discust I hear some other races complain about.

This is a human phenomenon though. It is identical in other cultures far away from america too. It's not a uniquely american trait.

...racism and hate though. although its a universal human trait occuring anywhere, i do not think it is as chic to express racism in other languages as it is with in the English language. I know that in German the same words exist, but they are vulgar and also used on other vulgar non-human contexts. americans favorite expression, go f*ck yourself has no equivalent anywhere else. the french merde, earth or dirt, is of a different spirit. i also think that of all europeans, the brits are the most hatefilled and vindictive. i smile when i read translations of 16th century spaniards about the brits, they thought the brits were merde.

today, of all the soccer hooligans, the brits are the most ethnic slanderous ones of all. especially about Germans, which the English have always felt innately inferior to, are often slandered as nazis, like boom boom becker, referring to bombs over london even though every brit knows they dropped more bombs over hamburg in one night, then were dropped on london in the entire war. english is the language of liars, in no other language known to me, is it easy to lie and slander as in english, and get away smeilling like a rose.

it's fascinating to me.

I can't believe Dear Prudence would make such an ignorant statement. Does she seriously not realize how often native English speakers who don't fit certain "norms" or who have unusual accents have to deal with these kinds of comments? Not to mention how patronizing such comments are even to non-native speakers.

It's sad that she missed this opportunity to remind people to think before they speak. Being a native English speaker certainly doesn't stop one from putting one's foot in one's mouth.

Seriously? These comments are about as ignorant as the supposed "compliments" that started this discussion.

Clara:

...

As I have lived my entire life in America, I am a native English speaker, I dress like an American, and everything about my mannerisms and appearance is American except that I'm obviously of a non-Caucasian ethnicity.

And it is an incredible annoyance to me when strangers praise my English, get up in my face and talk very loudly or over- enunciate, or talk to my friends about me as if I can't understand ("Would your friend like to try that on?").

Sounds like you need to move to a place where there are more asians. Here in northern CA, I haven't gotten that sort of reaction since going to a mostly white High School back in the 80's. Said High School nowadays probably have >30% asian students. I am sure nobody would say that sort of thing anymore. At work sometimes we eat lunch with a girl wearing a hijab (who is very lively and talkative) and another muslim girl who looks and dresses like a model. People are incredibly at ease living with people of all ethnic backgrounds here.

Granted- people will blab at you in Mandarin or Korean here... reverse typecasting at work!

...just last night i was reminded of the native americans saying, anglo man talk with forked tongue.

Mitt Romney goes: Washington is totally messed up right now. We are going to change things. We are the people of change. Now the Democrats, Hillary, want to get out of Iraq. That is exactly the wrong thing to do. We are the party of change, the GOP is the party of change.

I looked at my wife, she's 100% american going back 300+ years, no reaction. It went right over her head. I was thinking, man, if Mitt had uttered this in the German language the whole audience would have broke out laughing. I can't even imagine phrasing it in German in a way that wouldn't sound like a mentally handicapped five year old. I thought, hm, maybe that's what Sitting Bull meant when he said anglo man speak with forked tongue.

Delusion, illusion, levels of indirection are easy in English without losing face.

...you need to consider things foreign to you as at least equal, although different. her moving to an area were people look more like her is just a polite way of saying, go back to where you come from. or, you're better off with your own kind. it is something accredited to Nazis, but in reality, is what Americans really think themselves. and the funny thing is, the same faux pas is committed by yesterdays victims. some of the most closedminded xenophobic entitlement based on place of birth people i've met in my life where from a group previously victimized by racism. personally, I like some nationalism in my politics, but i would never dream suggesting to a Korean American to move somewhere where there's more Korean Americans. While I know that the end effect of what you're saying will get the desired result, it's still wrong, and un-American to me.