On New Year's Eve I was hosting a small party of friends and family. At approx 11:45 pm while making the rounds of my party I walked into the room where My husband of 9 years and his buddy (newly engaged) were talking. The buddy proudly proclaimed that they were going to be going to Vegas in March for his Bachelor party that a friend was planning. My hub Making a loud second "Yeah we're going to VEGAS!!!" He knows that I feel very negatively about these sex driven bachelor parties that seem to be hosted for all of the wrong reasons, especially one that right from the start seems so seedy. But my Hubby seemed so excited about it, and while I tried to respond cooly, by saying "What a coincidence, I have plans that weekend too" My Husband quickly responded "not in Vegas right??" I chuckled and left the room trying not to be hurt by his disrepectfully pointed comment while continuing to greet my guests. Hubby followed me shortly after and made it a point to say I have had too much to drink, and I was making everyone uncomfortable, and I should stop drinking (between 9-11:45 I had 2 glasses of wine) He went on to make me feel terrible by saying "I was ruining everyone's New Year" He accuses me of acting jealous and says how lucky I am that he doesn't hang out at the bar, and that he comes home at night. After our guests left he continued to fight with me until 6am. I don't know why newly engaged men seem to value the "Last party" more than the commitment to the woman they chose to honor. More importantly I don't know why my own husband made it so important to HIM that it ruined our New Year. He didn't have to say "I can't go" (boo hoo) but I think he could have handled himself with a little more respect for me, It seems whenever he wants to do something such as this he causes a huge scene but acts like I am, then he makes me feel badly about it, usually this causes me guilt then he ends up going any way, despite how I feel. It's like he is acting like a single guy while I sit home with the kids.

Signed,

Something's wrong with this wedding picture

Did you get ownership papers with your marriage license?

Do you think if he watchs porn he is cheating on you?

Do you think if he watches live strippers he is cheating on you?

His crime of making you the bad guy aside if you answered yes to any one of or all of these questions you are married for the wrong reasons and need to grow up sexually.

And if the answer to all of these are NO. And the husband disrespects you, talk's down to you and hides things ,among make you the bad guy out in everything(even things you had no part in;mentally or physically or verbally). Is it the woman that needs to grow up or the man ? Maybe I wasnt understading the reponse to this ?

beestang:

He knows that I feel very negatively about these sex driven bachelor parties that seem to be hosted for all of the wrong reasons,

How do you feel about the sex driven bachelor parties that seem to be hosted for all the right reasons?

Why did he need to fight with you? Because you were being passive-aggressive. Or maybe he's just a dick. Either way, you two decided to get married - so stick or split. It sounds like he's faithful - stop busting his balls over this dumb shit. How many more single friends can he have?

You married badly.

Why do you let him do this to you? You know he can only be rotten to you because you let him do it, right?

beestang:

The buddy proudly proclaimed that they were going to be going to Vegas in March for his Bachelor party that a friend was planning. My hub Making a loud second "Yeah we're going to VEGAS!!!" He knows that I feel very negatively about these sex driven bachelor parties that seem to be hosted for all of the wrong reasons,

Why? Insecure much? If you trust him, why does it matter? If you don't, why are you still married to him?

beestang:

But my Hubby seemed so excited about it, and while I tried to respond cooly, by saying "What a coincidence, I have plans that weekend too"

We have a phrase for someone who tries to make plans in order to prevent her significant other from going to a bachelor party. I think, "Psycho ball and chain controlling bitch" is part of it.

beestang:

Hubby followed me shortly after and made it a point to say I have had too much to drink, and I was making everyone uncomfortable, and I should stop drinking (between 9-11:45 I had 2 glasses of wine)

Were you? Did you immediately start ranting about how your awful spouse was going to go to a bachelor party with *that man*? People really don't want to hear about relationship problems when they're trying to have a good time at a new years party.

beestang:

I don't know why newly engaged men seem to value the "Last party" more than the commitment to the woman they chose to honor.

How is having that "last" party indicate that they don't value their spouse? My husband had a bachelor party. I had a bachelorette party. We both had a tremendous amount of fun, and since we value our relationship we know exactly where the boundries are.

beestang:

More importantly I don't know why my own husband made it so important to HIM that it ruined our New Year.

It takes two to tango.

beestang:

It's like he is acting like a single guy while I sit home with the kids.

Don't you have friends? You too can go out and have a good time on occasion.

beestang:

I chuckled and left the room trying not to be hurt by his disrepectfully pointed comment while continuing to greet my guests. Hubby followed me shortly after and made it a point to say I have had too much to drink, and I was making everyone uncomfortable, and I should stop drinking

He went on to make me feel terrible by saying "I was ruining everyone's New Year" He accuses me of acting jealous and says how lucky I am that he doesn't hang out at the bar, and that he comes home at night. After our guests left he continued to fight with me until 6am.

I don't know why my own husband made it so important to HIM that it ruined our New Year.

I think he could have handled himself with a little more respect for me, It seems whenever he wants to do something such as this he causes a huge scene but acts like I am, then he makes me feel badly about it, usually this causes me guilt then he ends up going any way, despite how I feel. It's like he is acting like a single guy while I sit home with the kids.

And last but not least...

Something's wrong with this wedding picture

I believe this issue has little to do with sex or strip clubs or him going to the bar or to Vegas. This is about the way that he disrespects you and in front of other people! Although you can't control him or his behavior, that isn't the issue at hand. If it were not Vegas, it would be something else, (like you drinking too much when you only had 2 drinks). He is manipulating not just you but your responses. There is a pattern here in which he invalidates virtually everything you do or say, which generally brings most (if not all) issues back to YOU. It is a method of manipulation and control. I'm guessing this dance takes place regularly?

I agree with Messy. AND, unfortunately you have children involved in this as well. I would talk to a counselor (and maybe get yourself a personal cheerleader). Your feelings and opinions are valid and it is wrong to allow him to make you feel they are not.

BTW, if my husband fought with me until 6:00 a.m., he'd be fighting with an unresponsive wall. I would've rolled over hours ago.

Good luck, you deserve better!!!

MessyOne: Yes I understand that. I do try to communicate with him and it doesn't work.He alway's make's out to be the bad one to everyone and they only know his story,not myn-except his mother. No one makes comtact with me anymore-friends or family because of this. But If i leave, I have NO where to go. I am considered diasabled, but not by goverment standings to get help. He doesnt beat me to a pulse for me to stay in a shelter,or I at least shut up when i think a argument get's intense enough that he would hit me. But the main reason I DO NOT leave is because he will take my kids away,and he can all because he would have the money to do so. My kids are my everything and the reason I breathe,without them I am nothing and have nothing and have no reason to live. With him, they are just there and need his finacial support which he would provide for them as long as they are there with him. But emtioally and caring he lacks everything and has to have someone to do it. But he would take my kids away soley because he knows they are my world. His mom agree's and knows how he is and does everything to help . But she wouldnt be able to handle me and my kids to live with here and her, she too has medical problems. I am sorry for so long of a post. But I read what was written above, and the first response, to me seem's as though the blame is alway's on the wrong person.

You and your husband need work on trust, communication and respect.

If you trusted him, that weekend wouldn't be an issue.

If you can clearly and unemotionally communicate with him without side comments he might understand the rational behind your strong opinions (if there is any).

And he needs to respect you enough that even if you are out of line (in his mind) with your complaints he wouldn't make it a big issue and embarass you in front of everyone.

Communication is probably the first to work on and a counselor can help.

You know something? My father was an abusive bas***d. He never touched my mother, but he was as verbally abusive to her as your husband is to you - or worse. She made the same excuses not to leave as you are making now.

I hate her for that. He nearly destroyed me with his foul mouth and nasty disposition and he did destroy my siblings. She let him do that to us. She watched it and did nothing. She didn't even try. Just like you're doing now.

If you stay with this man, I will tell you right now that you are being as abusive to your children as he is being to you. If you think they don't know what's going on, you are lying to yourself. If you think that his abuse is only affecting you, then you are kidding yourself.

Get yourself into a legal clinic and try to find someone who will take your case for little or no money. Get down on your knees and scrub toilets if you have to, but get out of that situation. This is not all about you. It's time you thought about what he's doing to your kids while you make excuses for him.

I didn't read your response until I already hit post. In your original post it sounded merely as you are passive agressive and he is a jerk. I understand your situation and let me tell you that you do not have to wait until he "beats you to a pulp" before you can go to a shelter. Call now, go soon. You shouldn't wait until it gets to the breaking point. They have arrangements for schools for your kids so he can't take them from there. He can't take your kids if you don't want him to. Be a momma bear. Be strong for them and remember you deserve better and they deserve a lot better.

Good luck and God be with you.

what someone told me when I was in your shoes, because that person saved my life.

"He may not be hitting you, but he's abusing you."

Take this quiz and see for yourself:

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then when you understand what I'm telling you, call 1-800-799-SAFE and they will help you. Yes, they even help people with disabilities.

You CAN get out of this situation. You have strength, and brains, and good instincts that tell you this is all wrong. You have internet access, and you will have a support system as soon as you call.

Amen Messy.

See my other post to you. Get out of there.

How is it disrespectful to make a comment about hoping she doesn't have plans in Vegas the same weekend he is there at a bacholer party? Especially after she intruded on a conversation that she wasn't a part of, and only to once again show her disapproval of him. Maybe he is an asshole - but she's definitely passive aggressive.

In fact - I think you're wrong about what happens. Bust a man's balls in front of his friends, and expect this sort of response. Men have vanity needs, and they may be silly, but if you cause him to lose face - he's going to be much more hostile than a discussion in private. Especially when it's over dumb shit like this. If she trusts him - stop bitching about the vegas trip. If she doesn't - then split.