Not teaching kids to lie? Are you even remotely serious?

You know kudos to you, I suppose, if you've somehow landed on some hyper-civilizational plateau in which feelings are both heartfelt and commensurate with the reality of any given situation. But for the rest of us, that level of magnamity is really just an ideal. For us morlocks, the apology is really just an admission to the go-along-to-get-along dynamic that all of us must live with. Even though you know to the core of your being that your boss is a useless unproductive turd, you feel "really bad" that that report was twenty minutes late. Even though you really wanted that ball, Suzy's unproductive scampering...

I hate to break the news to someone quite possibly this sheltered, but most of human discourse is built on a pretense of respect. My neighbor knows that I hate their yapping dog, their revving fucking snowblowers, and that I find their discussion of lawn tractors inane. They in turn know that I'm a closet elitist, a lazy excuse for a white-collar type, one who doesn't really respect them. But here we are side by side, and we get by. What's the alternative?

The golden rule isn't, it should be noted, to be really sincere in that apology. That's more a later development, and you can ask Christian blowhards how it's handled in practice. No, it's do unto others. It's not to accept their rationale.

Empathy is important. Teaching your child to walk in another's shoes is good parenting. Teaching them to expect that from others is more hopeful than wise.

Hey but it is good advice from the article, I will use it now, its a method you could use, where for example..

I say " oh she/he is sad/mad !" Or "Why is she/he mad?

and make him/her stop and think a little about what they've done

or "what is a better way to do that? or what can you do to make things better? something as such.

These questions can possibly help your kid develop a sense of what to do morally, or at least civilness. I like the idea! These skills help you in life later on in general as to how to get along.

instead of "say your sorry!" thats too easy!

I agree. However, when you teach your children to apologize at an early age, you are teaching them right from wrong in their actions. And realizing this they can behave better as they grow older. It is obvious that SOMETIMES they do not understand their action is unacceptable, but that is where parenting comes in. You are assisting them to learn what should and should not be done.

Keifus is right, of course. There's another related point. No apology is given for the benefit of the wrongdoer. They are given for the injured party, so sincere or not, an apology is owed when we screw up, everytime. That's what kids need to learn.

If you think that when your kids hurt others or otherwise misbehave that their willignness to apologize or lack thereof is about THEM, you (the parent) are the problem. Their lack of responsibility for their actions and unwillingenss to acknowledge their actions and accept the consequences is your fault. Try teaching them that other people matter, have feelings, can be hurt, are in short, just like them, and the willingness to apologize won't be so hard to come by.

I remember distinctly having to say I was sorry quite often; I grew up in a family of 8 siblings 6 of whom are younger. Instinctively I always felt that saying I was sorry was code for admitting that I was wrong, and that is not easy for most adults, let alone children. None the less,it is a valuable skill to have.