This is classic. The Boomer - my generation - confused and afraid to the the grown-up. The Sixties taught us to rebel against authority, and now someone - our kids - expect US to be the authority? That's not cool! So we apologize to our kids and ask them how we should raise them.

Sad.

Yeah, that was kind of my take on the "expert's" response to the forced apology. I thought, well who the hell is going to teach your kid to say sorry if it ain't you?

So, if one of Emily's boys runs up to me--a stranger--in the grocery store and hauls off and kicks me in the shin, he should not be made to say he's sorry?

*I'm* sorry, but that right there tells me you are a bad parent and a poorly mannered brute yourself. It's people that let their children run wild all over other people in public that makes me loathe being around children.

I was once on an airplane and the toddler in the seat behind me began kicking the back of my seat pretty hard. His whining, hippie mother said, "Please don't do that now, sweetums. The nice lady probably doesn't like to have her chair kicked." "Please???" This isn't a request, it's an order! Parents need to give orders when orders are needed. That's what separates parents from grandparents, aunts, uncles, and strangers; people who do not raise children full time have the luxury to be indulgent. Parents do not.

I (and the steward who looked like he himself could have killed) excercised so much restraint, I don't know where it came from. A saint got hold of me that day, I guess, because what I really wanted to do was turn around in my seat, glare at the child in the most monsterous face I could make and say, "No, the lady up front doesn't like you kicking her chair, and furthermore, she ATE the last child that kicked her chair." And then maybe make a small roar at him for good measure before turning back around. I'd have rather listened to him squall in terror for an hour than to have had my chair kicked for an hour.

Yes, kids are impulsive and do mean things without reason. I accept the fact that children don't reason very well at all. However, you must TEACH it. When your child is being a monster, make the child apologize (and make physical restitution if applicable) and the parent apologizes also. That makes it appear as if you are TRYING to teach your child manners and make him behave, but he's just having an illogical moment. If you don't try to make him make amends, however, you look like a horrible parent who's child is sure to grow up to be a criminal because you never made him behave decently in society (yes, this is how other people will see your child).

And, is it just me, or is this whole article very self-centered? Why are you worried about what's best for YOU or YOUR child? What about all the people who have to suffer your child? They didn't ask to be around him (in most cases), so they should not have to suffer him. So you should make your child apologize because it's good for someone else (why else do we apologize, if not to make the other person feel better?), regardless of whether it's good for him or not.

This is called having manners. The quicker your child learns them, the more accepted he will be in society. Even avowed child-haters like myself soften to a child who is reasonbly quiet, reasonably still, and polite when in public (especially when at table). And as a parent, you will get to bask in the praise of "What a well-behaved child!" and all of the greatness as a parent that implies.

But as another thread here noted, the issue of discipline is different than the issue of empathy. The mother on the airplane should indeed enforce the "do not kick the chair in front of you" rule. But what is more important to you - the action or the apology? The mother could (and probably should) model apologizing for having an unruly brat, but if she just made the kid say a grudging "sorry", and then two minutes later he is kicking again, I think you would be more upset than if the kid is made to stop with no forced false apology.

When my kids were young, I was more concerned about their actions than their words. "It's more important to be good than to feel good sometimes" was a phrase they learned quickly to hate. But they are now (at 16 and 20) well behaved and still able to apologize on the rare occasion they need to.

Wow, you all missed the point by a MILE!! You are so focused on getting the child to SAY they are sorry that you missed the main message of the article, that getting them to MEAN it is a different thing all together. Congrats if you have taught your kids to say sorry when they do something wrong. I doubt they mean it though since you seem more concerned with action than intent. You are basically teach them that saying sorry gets them off the hook.

I actually was kicked by a child (2yrs old) when I was working at a retail establishment. The boy walked behind the counter and kicked me in the shin. I did not resist the temptation, I said "ouch" and "NO" right away. The child started screaming and the parents made excuses for his age; however, they did not make him say sorry. An apology would not have mattered, I would have thought they were careless parents regardless.

It seems that many people who "loathe" children know exactly how to raise them to be wonderful adults. While we parents, loving our kids, have no idea how to handle them properly. The irony is simply cruel.

Personally, if it had been my child kicking your seat, I would have welcomed your imagined reaction.

But the fact remains, that she shouldn't have HAD to make the imaginary reaction. If it were your child doing the kicking, it was YOUR responsibility as a parent to STOP his/her actions. This mumsy...sweetie...coochie coo is why the world is full of hate and disrespect for others and others' property.

I probably WOULD have done the reaction, but then YOU would be the one I loathed for slithering away like a coward from your child.

Furthermore, while I DO have children of my own, sometimes it's the people who "loathe" children, as the poster and you wrote, that have the best perspective on rearing children, because they SEE the "monster" in action, while you overlook many of his horrible actions and your child-rearing failures because you LOVE your child.
And yes, I said your child-rearing FAILURES, because if your child is misbehaving all the time, you have failed at child-rearing, in my opinion.

Blaming everything on ADHD (give him an antidepressant and let him sleep it off, will ya?), and Autism (how did that suddenly become the disease of the year?), is just an excuse. 9 out of 10 bad bahaving children have never felt a whack across their butt, but need to.

kindageeky:

It seems that many people who "loathe" children know exactly how to raise them to be wonderful adults. While we parents, loving our kids, have no idea how to handle them properly. The irony is simply cruel.

Personally, if it had been my child kicking your seat, I would have welcomed your imagined reaction.

Of course we do, which is why many of us don't want kids. We realize what a huge amount of time, effort, money, resources and responsibility they are.