I'm not 100% sure that the gift of a computer was that extravagant. My husband is in the IT field and tends to collect computers - he says for parts - especially when the office upgrades and the old computers are raffled off (they usually end up with more computers than raffle participants). My husband will put together computers for our friends who need new computers. Could this gift be something similar? A refurbished computer moreso than a new computer?

Here's what she wrote, notice the word 'new'.

" Recently, after she called him about computer troubles, he gave her a new computer, which made me uneasy."

Actually, people often use "new" to describe something new to them even if it is previously owned/used. Such as, I bought a "new" car (when it is in fact used) or I bought a new house (that has been lived in before)

It's not about it being new. It's not about it being old. It could be a gold plated dog turd and all the husband cares about is that it's from his wife's ex lover whom she still wants to boink.

It is about a more traditional husband who believes his wife should not be spending this much time and be receiving expensive gifts from a former lover. Especially a former lover who was hurt at the breakup and who apparently would like a second chance. Guys being guys, husband recognizes ex-lover is probably not doing this out of the goodness of his heart, but is working at maintaining a relationship in hopes of rekindling old flames.

Wife is using ex-lover to further her career and seemingly doesn't care that is bothers husband. Many posters have stated that women are used to being hit on and know how to defer this. Husband's position is wife should not being continually exposing herself to being hit on or tempatation from a former lover.

Then again, computer geeks (like my son) don't see anything extravagent in handing out refurbed computers, any more than they'd think giving someone an old paperback they are finished with would be extravagent. They enjoyed fixing it; it was in their way; they didn't want simply to toss it out. My son's given away a couple of computers to people he barely even knows, much less wants to get involved with, because he knew they needed one and couldn't afford one.

I'm not saying I necessarily agree with his doing so, just that he doesn't expect anything (at all) in return.

But is your son doing that with a former lover with whom he has maintained close contact, despite it being a bad breakup. If the breakup was so bad, wouldn't the ex want little to no contact - unless the ex still has hopes of reviving the romance.

Wait - it wasn't even a "bad breakup" but one initiated by the wife because she didn't find the ex "physically attractive" at the time. At the time.

The ex could have given her a broken pencil stub and it would have the same talismanic symbolism for the husband. (That's not a judgement call, btw, just an observation.)

Neato; the apple doesn't fall far from the tree; you raised a good kid. Did I wish you a happy new year?

Thanks.

Happy new year to you and to anyone else (basically everyone) whom I've overlooked.

When I married my husband, we were both advised by a Pastor friend of ours "to leave behind all of those we dated, especially if we slept with them." He advised us that when we enter into the covenant of marriage we are entering it with God. The first commandment says "Thou shall put no other Gods before Me." The Pastor friend said, 'if you love God, and you put NO OTHER God before Him, then you should love your spouse as you love God, and put NO OTHER before him or her."

The wife in the letter is allowing an ex boyfriend, who she may or may not have already slept with, or had sex with, but found him unattractive for whatever reasons, to be an ongoing part of her life. She is giving the ex hope. By accepting this "gift" from the ex she is showing her husband that he cannot provide for her. Marriage is difficult enough without more difficulties brought in by a new or better gift bought by a former love interest. There are many, many people who can fix a broken computer without having to go to a former love interest to fix it. A message to the husand: Husband, you need to step up, demand the computer be taken back, and demand that she stop playing with this mans heart. If she isn't finished with him, then she needs to leave the marriage because she is highly capable as any uncomitted person to commit adultery. You are very valuable, your feelings do matter, don't let her do this to you. If your ex girlfriend bought you an expensive gift, would your wife appeciate it? Would she appreciate you telling her, "oh, she wasn't that attractive... but this platinum watch is a keeper. What does she value? Because where her treasure is, that is where her heart will be also. Is she really over this man? Actions speak louder than words, and why is she (a married woman) alone with a single man? Is he that foolish? I wish you the best.