Dear Prudie:

My long-term boyfriend and I broke up about a year ago. While we were dating, he gave me the key to his townhouse. Since the breakup (which was mutual), he has been very distant. A few months ago, I began sneaking into his townhouse, and found that he is dating a new girl. I know that I need to stop doing this—not only is it a huge invasion of privacy, it's also hard for me to see how happy he is now. How do I tell him to change the locks on his townhouse without letting on to the fact that I've been breaking into his home? I want the locks changed because I don't want to cave in to temptation.

—Snooping

Dear Snooping:

When people who are still in a relationship snoop on their partner, they act upon a malignant impulse and violate the trust of their partner. Prudie in the past has tacitly condoned that kind of behavior and I and others have called her on that.

What you have been doing is a crime.

What you should do is contact the local police department and inform them that you have engaged in repeated and knowing acts of "unlawful computer access." Look it up. It's a crime.

Oh, and pay attention when your ex-boyfriend testifies at your sentencing about the effect that your crime has had on him.

Then, while serving out your sentence, convince yourself to become a fucking human and never do that again.

You broke up with this guy! Give him back his keys! And get on with your life! He could call the cops on you for doing that you know!

Ah, you see what I mean! Prudie needs to be far more stern with the snoopers, although they seem to be a remarkably large percentage of her correspondents.

Get Real, nobody is going to turn their snooping self in to the police because they are unable to restrain themselves from going through their ex boyfriend's Emails! She needs to reconsider why they broke up in the first place. Apparently it was 'mutual' even though she seems to be taking it harder than he is if she can't forget that password & let the guy get on with his life. She needs to get a life seperate from him, find her own friends to be happy with & forget her former boyfriend's passwords.

Possible word to the wise: Be careful who you share your passwords with just in case they have this problem of snooping where they don't belong...

:o)

the point remains. Snooping is a bad thing. People are entitled to their privacy, even partners.

Snooping on a partner while you are still in a relationship is, well, an abomination.

But snooping on an ex-partner by continuing to use a password given during the relationship is something else.

It. Is. A. Crime.

Period.

I took Prudie to task before for not condemning snooping while the relationship was ongoing, and giving the LW an out that did not reveal the dastardly deed.

Here, Prudie gave advice that assumed it was ok for the LW to conceal

a

crime.

Time out. It's a crime.

If my grilfriend wants a password, i give it to her. And then I IMMEDIATLY change it. Or better yet I give her a fake one.

Changing the password or faking a password makes better sense than having somebody persistently snooping your Emails. Passwords are good for keeping out the snoopers, but only if they are kept private. How much of a 'crime' can it be if somebody tells their passwords to their snooping lover? Changing passwords regularly beats having your Emails read behind your back!

:o)