Prudence, I generally like your answers, but think you missed some red flags on this one. This woman is either superficial or not fully honest. She loved him but didn't find him physically attractive enough? What message does that send? She reaches out to him while he still carries a torch? How many women would tolerate a man doing such a thing? Then she's hurt because he feels jealous ... She should clarify her intent, but show respect for his concern. Feelings are not that easily dismissed. If my wife expressed a similar concern about another woman, I would take it very seriously. As a pastor with counseling training and experience, I would encourage some joint therapy. He has some reasons for his jealousy and she's not in tune with him. I actually do have a former girlfriend that I keep in touch with, but it is casual, infrequent, and kept fully accountable to our spouses. Finally, my wife is is my first human priority and I would not do anything to risk her trust and confidence.

Amen

When I married my husband, we were both advised by a Pastor friend of ours "to leave behind all of those we dated, especially if we slept with them." He advised us that when we enter into the covenant of marriage we are entering it with God. The first commandment says "Thou shall put no other Gods before Me." The Pastor friend said, 'if you love God, and you put NO OTHER God before Him, then you should love your spouse as you love God, and put NO OTHER before him or her."

The wife in the letter is allowing an ex boyfriend, who she may or may not have already slept with, or had sex with, but found him unattractive for whatever reasons, to be an ongoing part of her life. She is giving the ex hope. By accepting this "gift" from the ex she is showing her husband that he cannot provide for her. Marriage is difficult enough without more difficulties brought in by a new or better gift bought by a former love interest. There are many, many people who can fix a broken computer without having to go to a former love interest to fix it. A message to the husand: Husband, you need to step up, demand the computer be taken back, and demand that she stop playing with this mans heart. If she isn't finished with him, then she needs to leave the marriage because she is highly capable as any uncomitted person to commit adultery. You are very valuable, your feelings do matter, don't let her do this to you. If your ex girlfriend bought you an expensive gift, would your wife appeciate it? Would she appreciate you telling her, "oh, she wasn't that attractive... but this platinum watch is a keeper. What does she value? Because where her treasure is, that is where her heart will be also. Is she really over this man? Actions speak louder than words, and why is she (a married woman) alone with a single man? Is he that foolish? I wish you the best.

I have the same problem.

I had two boyfriends before I married my husband.

One of them I had a sexual relationship.

My husband had 3 girlfriends, of which he slept with one, which was the last one.

The relationship did not work out between the two of them.

Then we started dating about 8 months after they broke up. I did not know his ex, neither did she.

Apparently during the time my husband was single after he had broken up with his last ex, he was still friends with her. Meaning they did not break up in a bad terms. They were friends since middle school.

The ex was a clingy one. She wanted marriage but my husband did not want to marry her.

My husband is a very peaceful person and he did not like any confrontations.

That was fine with me until we started dating.

The girl kept on writing numerous emails, calling him on his personal cell phone.

At first I thought it was unfair for me to get mad because they were friends for such a long time before. Then it got worse. The girl sent him emails accusing me of breaking up their relationship, even though their relationship was gone way before we started dating.

Then she asked us out to lunch, for a double date.

She with "a new" boyfriend, and me with him (back then I was still dating my husband).

During the dinner ordeal, his ex new boyfriend and I were pretty much quiet.

His ex kept on talking oh what a great time they had when they were dating. She described places they went to for vacations and even had the nerve to suggest me to go. My husband kept quiet all the time his ex was chatting away.

Made my blood boil. I kept quiet and did not appear mad even though i was ready to explode.

Then my husband asked me if I was mad and I told him no. I wanted him to realize for himself that carrying on a more than friendly relationship with his ex was on right. I did not want to make him do it. He needed to see it for himself. But men are such blind fools sometimes. His ex kept on calling non stop asking why they broke up bla bla and my husband patiently explained the situation. While I was around they even dare to talk to each others for a long time on the phone. I was beyond mad. But I held my grounds. I pretended not to get mad.

Then she had to go away to another city for school and she asked my husband to help her pack up. They were not living together when they were dating but apparently personal items were placed between their houses. So she came and picked up stuffs from his house and he even helped her pack, bought her a new computer and paid for the shipment of her stuffs. Isn't it too much?

What if I had done the same thing with my ex bf? He called me too when I was already dating my husband. I quickly told him not to call me anymore. I respected my husband and did not want to hurt his feelings. but he did it. until we fought so much we broke up.

She called me names and accused me of being childish for trying to break up their childhood friendship. That was no harmless friendship. She wanted in and she had to get her ways..even though she claimed she had a new boyfriend.

Ohhh and one more thing, after she left to another city, she came back with her supposedly new boyfriend and even stayed at my husband's house.

My husband let her and the new boyfriend stayed at his house, as a kind gesture.

Isn't that nice?

Until now I am still thinking am I the crazy one or my husband is too nice and giving?

Or does he still have feelings for her too?

Is this the same husband who screwed the nanny in the park while she was supposed to be watching your (plural) kids, and who is sending her support money now that she has returned to her home country?

Are you back with him?

Some people never learn.

Err sorry. No I left my loser husband. This is somebody else. Read my last update on the lawsuit against my husband.