Please tell me again just why homosexuals want to get married?

Fortunately, getting married and being married are two different things, and I think everyone, regardless of sexual orientation, should focus less on the former state.

LOL. Obviously, when this bride decided to have a destination wedding, she didn't realize that such weddings are, by definition small, and you don't get as much booty out of them as if you had a large party in town (However, they are presumably cheaper because you don't have to pay for a party for 150 and *then* the honeymoon -- so maybe she can use the money she saved to buy out the contents of Crate and Barrel). Now, she's having regrets and is having the party to try and shake her relatives down (I have no faith at all in Prudie's statement about it being a hopefully gift-free occasion). Brava to the cousin for not caving to the demands. I hope she forwards her Prudie's response.

You got that right, Acidtongue! I went to school with a guy, who had a destination wedding (the wife's idea). Then they had a reception in our home town about two months later, because hardly anyone could make it to the wedding. Most of their friends, myself included, where either in college or just graduated, so hardly anyone could afford to go. Talk about a gift shake-down!

It might not be that the cousin wants gifts as much as she want to be Queen for a Day... and another day... and another day... until that day feels like she thinks it should.

Her language about expecting the families to come together indicates that she wanted/wants a big party with lots of guests, where she's the center of attention. For women who have dreamed about their perfect wedding day since they were little girls, a small wedding is an enormous let-down.

I'm certainly not saying all women are like this, but some are, and the matrimonial-industrial complex feeds that expectation and appetite for attention.

~A summer bride

I'm certainly not saying all women are like this, but some are, and the matrimonial-industrial complex feeds that expectation and appetite for attention.

~A summer bride

"...matrimonial-industrial complex...."

That's simply great.

10 - to obtain employer sponsored health benefits for the person i'm living with

9 - to show my parents its serious

8 - to pass my estate along, after death, tax free to him/her, like legitimate married couples get to

7 - to ease the adoption review process

6 - its easier for 2 people to raise a child than just one

5 - my partner pressured me into it. i was ambiguous

4 - all things heterosexuals have must be available to homosexuals too. we're militant

3 - to keep other gay people from hitting on me. i'm married now, for pete's sake!

2 - to keep straight people from hitting on me

1 - overcome by my emotions, just like heterosexuals

11 - to be able to visit my partner should they ever be a patient in just about any ICU...they allow relatives only.

Being barred from visiting a life-long partner in a time of crisis must be horrible.

i'd considered putting that in with the health care thing, as part of the living will/responsible other party.

thanks for including it

you and your partner need to get together with a lawyer and draw up some papers as to how you'd like your estates to be divided up if one of you dies, and how you'd like to be treated if some health crisies comes up. you may not be able to get married just yet, but, this makes some things easier for the two of you. and don't worry, unmarried heterosexual couples have just as many legal problems as you do. :)

.... or join us in Massachusetts!!! :)

if you someone wants to be queen for a day, that someone ought to figure that out before she bails on the expense and planning of a local wedding.

And proper etiquette technically only encourages a gift if you are invited to the ACTUAL wedding - stateside receptions after the fact don't count!

Just to make sure I got you, where in the letter regaurding wedding etiquette does it state the letter writter is gay? If anything she is greedy and self absorbed.

At first I also thought marcparis was saying that the letter writer was gay. Then I realized he was implying that getting married has gotten so messy that the right to marry (which gay people want so badly) seems hardly worth fighting for. And are you really calling the letter writer greedy and self-absorbed, or do you mean her cousin?

I meant the LW's cousin and perpetual bride.

I personally see nothing wrong with affording the same rights of civil marital contracts to all and as many who are willing to enter into the cotract.

Just to offer another perspective, the cousin might have legitimately wanted to gather her family, since she says as much (although the destination wedding does not exactly support that theory). Our scattered family doesn't get together any more except for occasions like weddings. At the last clan wedding, my mom and grandma were so thrilled at the idea of everyone in the family being there, since it had been at least fifteen years since everyone had been together. The bride and groom loved that they were able to unite everyone for a day. As my grandma is elderly and in poor health, there will probably not be too many more chances for her to be surrounded by her children and grandchildren. Everyone took time out of their busy lives to attend (and kudos to them!), not only as a celebration of the wedding but as a celebration of family, except for one grandchild. There are now wonderful photos of the family...minus one. So while the bride certainly wasn't very polite about the LW's RSVP, she may not have been motivated solely by greed or princessness. She may have been disappointed that everybody made the effort to come together as a family, only to have one person make work their priority (come on, take a personal day!).