Blowing in the wind – back in my college days there was this girl I knew who was really, really cute. I asked her out and she agreed. The night we went out, we got along great, and it seemed as the evening ended that we were very compatible. I was smitten. When I called her a few days after she said “no, I don’t think we should see each other again.”
Why did she say that? Was it because I wore a blue shirt, and she had an aversion to that particular shade of blue? Or maybe when I told that joke, you know, the one about the three guys and the naked nun selling ice cream, that she had a flashback to her days at an abusive catholic school and got a wrongly-deserved negative impression of me?
Oh, by the way – are those pictures lying around your neighborhood of her, perhaps? If so, send me one – I always wondered if she was a true blonde. Meanwhile…um, what was your question again?
Dreading Christmas – ah, new love, and the joy of children, and the holidays coming up. I have 5 kids, three of them older step sons. The steps have been an odd experience for me, but even though I don’t “love them like my own”, I think they’re awesome, and I’m proud to be their stepfather, even when they get an F, or get arrested (gawd), or piss me off.
Hey – speaking of pissing me off (here it comes…), if you were my wife I would divorce you instantly, with the intent of ensuring my newborn son never, ever again is exposed to whatever the hell it is that makes you so completely putrid. What were you thinking? Did he keep them secret from you? Were you smoking a little too much crack? Do you suffer a mental illness? What - were you going to “fix” him later? What kind of asinine imbecility is festering in your little pea-brain, princess?
You’ve got a choice to make, you lying snot:
One: come clean, and deal with the fallout. If the fallout includes continuing a relationship, you’d better get your head out of your butt and do something about counseling with those kids. If you find that you can’t get over yourself, then immediately divorce him before you cause any further damage to his kids, and while you’re at it, hand over the son you just had, too.
Two: come clean, spare everyone, and immediately divorce him before you cause any further damage to his kids, and while you’re at it, hand over the son you just had, too. You said “…I will do anything to make him (your son) not like them (his kids)” about your child – your son can only hope he doesn’t end up as mentally deranged and living his life as a bald-faced, pathological liar like you. You have taken what could have been a great family and a grand opportunity and potentially destroyed it through lunatic, insidious behavior, and it could (and perhaps should) end in a courtroom with you on the losing end.
If you are lucky, those “other” kids won’t beat your lying ass to a pulp one day – this happens to men all over the world, men who frequently deserve it, like you do. Your husband, his children, and your poor son (who carries some of your disfigured DNA, sadly) have my pity. May you cheerfully rot in hell.
Oh, by the way: Happy Holidays!
Out Of Touch – How selfish of you! What are you thinking? Get off your butt and go to that party! While you’re at it, you need to buy a very expensive gift as a penalty, and you owe your cousin a sincere apology. Book those airline tickets and hotel rooms too. Proper etiquette states that…uh…er…
WAIT! Back up. I’m still ranting from the letter written by the brainless idiot who hates her husband’s kids, sorry.
You know, weddings are pretty danged important. And you – and I, and everyone we know – should make every effort to attend: we are witnessing a (for the religious) blessed union or a (for the agnostic) incredibly important public commitment taking place, and we have a certain amount of obligation as family and friends to support marriages we are invited to witness by those we love. We aren’t just there to eat the food and cake: we’re there to offer our commitment, too.
Having said that, this reeks of familial political fanaticism, and besides there is no rule that says you have to go, and people take weddings way too seriously anyway (this from me, who wrote the previous paragraph). The tossing out of the guilt-bouquet (“…I guess wedding etiquette has changed blah blah blah…) is a smelly little hand grenade full of BS that never should have been thrown.
Wedding etiquette means not getting plastered and barfing on the bride during the money dance, or not breaking wind and blaming the pastor during the ceremony. Incidentally, wedding etiquette might also include, say, a bride not being a snide bitch when life intrudes on a guest’s (even a cousin’s) ability to attend. Not coming to a cocktail party or flying to the Bahamas due to day to day life issues (hey – life happens, you know) is well outside the confines of etiquette.
Afraid of Ambiguity – why is it, I wonder, that men don’t understand the bilateral realities of sexual harassment? I have bluntly joked with gay friends of mine all my life, but only if they were good friends of mine. Given they were good friends, none ever batted an eye, and all have returned the insults, frequently to much better effect.
I have, however, been told on a few occasions that I was crossing the line: “If you were flirting with a girl like that, she could sue you whether you’re kidding or not.” Made me a little pie-eyed, that one, and it took years to realize it was a deserved come-uppance.
That said, if this gentleman is a good friend, then there’s no problem: just tell him to cut it out. If he’s kind of a friend, the there’s no problem: just tell him to cut it out. If he’s not much of a friend, the there’s no problem: just tell him to cut it out. No matter which way, the line is there, if you want to use it.
