Dear Contender's Daughter,

I think in this case it's better to let sleeping dogs lie. If you tell your dad, what is he going to do? Return their call? Why risk making him bitter and angry at what his mother did decades after the fact.

PhysicsGirl

Dear Confused,

The base thing has always confused me. Is first base kissing? In any case, it's up to you. If she's as perfect as you say, waiting shouldn't be a problem. Wouldn't she be worth it? But if not, then do her the favor of breaking up with her sooner rather than later.

PhysicsGirl

Dear Red,

Corporate culture can be quite tricky. If someone above you is getting everyone drinks whatever you do, don't refuse the drink! You can then drink it as slowly as you like (which I advise) but turning it down will diminish you their eyes. It's stupid, but true. Turning red won't be a problem, but acting like a drunken lout is. This is what can make company functions such a minefield. Do not drink to the point of impairment.

PhysicsGirl

Dear Bothered,

Include it in your evaluation. Is she a real TA? Most schools don't have undergrads TAing courses. The ones that do usually have a senior TAing freshmen courses. In any case, usually TAs have a seperate evaluation as well that goes into their record. But I'd place comments in both evaluations so that the professor knows about the actions of her TA.

PhysicsGirl.

If there is no graduate program in the major, or a related major, it's not unheard of to have undergrads TA. I TA'd a junior class when I was a senior. Seniors in my major always were the TA's for the sophmore design studios, the freshman/sophmore introductory course, and the junior site engineering course (where the students usually struggled the most and 2 people in studio were needed for help.)

Totally agree with your advice re: not turning down a drink. I recently graduated from law school and there is a huge culture of drinking associated with law school & attorneys.

My fiance works for a company that has large law firms as clients and when one of his co-workers made a big deal about not drinking at a golf outing this summer, a partner from one of the firms attending the event remarked on it to my fiance and requested that the guy not be included on further social/business functions. Ouch.

I would advise anyone in this situation to take the wine, drink, beer, etc. Carry it around with you, swirl it around a little, abandon it discreetly at some point and then turn down subsequent drinks with the excuse that you have to drive. You dont make anyone uncomfortable and you dont have to explain your allergy or suffer its results.

A legal career is very dependent on social networking and if you're the Debbie downer at events who makes people feel conspicuous about having a few drinks....thats not a point in your favor.

The secret to pulling off the no-drinking thing is to be very low-key. Some people get touchy or feel that they are being judged if others are adamant teetotalers. They may also feel like you are putting yourself above them by not partaking. Do you have a drinking problem or alcoholics in your family? The speculation can be ugly and is not what you want to leave with prospective employers.

Jln418, I like your suggestion about taking the drink and abandoning it later. That doesn't affect anyone else. If everyone is ordering for themselves, get water or a ginger ale and don't tell anyone what it is. I sometimes get cranberry juice with ice when I'm not drinking, and everyone assumes it is a mixed drink. Smile and mingle, and don't call attention to it. I'm not saying a person should hide or lie about not drinking, but it does cause problems if someone "makes a big deal about not drinking" like your co-worker did. People are surprisingly okay with a private decision not to drink, but many will be sensitive or taken aback if you are very obvious about not drinking.

Then again, some people are drunks who think everyone else should be like them. I went to a party once, where another lady and I each ordered Sprite. The guy at first refused, and said the Sprite and Coke were just for mixing. I told him, fine, then give me a water, or I could leave, because I was pregnant. The other lady had other reasons for not drinking, which she chose not to share with him. He then agreed to give us each "just one" Sprite. After our drinks were gone, we each started to leave. Others asked why we were leaving so soon, and we explained we were told we could only have alcohol. The "bartender" then hemmed and hawed about how he was "just joking", but he glared at each of us and a couple of our defenders, for the rest of the evening.

This party was paid for equally by all, incidentally, so it's not like he personally was out anything for it.