I sent this to Prudie this morning and she suggested that I post it here.

There is a website with with a message board that was very helpful to me www.soulcysters.com

Good luck!

Hi there,

I love your column, I read each week. I find your no nonsense and
common sensical approach to the questions that your readers ask
refreshing.

I wanted to respond to the Concerned Husband letter that you posted in
your 6.21.07 column. Several years ago I started experiencing severe
hormonal mood swings and depression brought on by that time of the
month. I never became violent, but I became hysterically emotional and
unreasonable to the point that looking back it scares me.

After several months of this I visited my OB-GYN and we started doing
research into what was going on. It turns out that I have endometriosis
and polycystic ovarian syndrome, both of which can cause symptoms much
like this gentleman described in his wife. I was started on Lexapro (SSRI) and
birth control pills and by the next month my cycle's symptoms were
almost non existent. I also had surgery for my endometriosis and
eventually went on to help the PCOS symptoms with diet and a diabetes
medication.

Of course, I am not a doctor or a mental health professional, but I can
relate to the hell that this woman must be experiencing. Every month I
would tell myself "I am not going to dissolve into a hysterical mess"
and every month I would. Then I felt like I was failing myself and my
family and that made the hole even deeper. This man definitely needs to
get his wife help, but he needs to understand that there may be a
physical problem for the emotional problems and that his wife probably
is not crazy. She is probably suffering a hell that no one can
understand unless you have been there.

I would advise him to start out at the OB-GYN and if he does not get
satisfaction to find a new doctor. I went to three physicians before I
found a doctor that would take me seriously. My life has changed
tremendously in the past 2.5 years and I hope that my 6 months of hell
can help someone else get back to a more normal life.

This is great information and advice. I would like to add my personal experience in hopes this too may help concerned husband and his suffering wife.

Several years ago I started seeing a new OBGYN and he recommended that I switch birth control pills to one of the newer lower-dose pills that had recently come to market.

The first couple of months after the switch were ok but after a few more months I started having severe moods swings. The changes were sudden and alarming. I had no signifcant physical changes in PMS (bloating, cramps, etc.) only emotional- uncontrollable crying jags, depression, and panic attacks.

I had to nag the doctor to get an appointment to discuss my problems (should have been the first warning sign). When I eventually did get an appointment he told me I needed to stick with the new pill and wait it out. When I described the severity of the problem he told me that there were some very good new psychiatric medicines and he'd happy to prescribe one for me. This sounded pretty crazy to me but with the state I was in I felt I couldn't trust my own judgment.

Luckily, I had an awesome family doctor I could talk to who I knew much better than the obgyn. I made an appointment for a check-up and asked her opinion on the matter and she was aghast. She couldn't believe that the other doctor would so casually dismiss the problem and offer another medicine (surely with some sever side-effects) to counteract a problem directly associated with the prescription, instead of changing to another without those side effects. She wrote me a new prescription for another birth control pill and furthermore said that she could handle my regular obgyn visits as well as general medicine.

A soon as I switched pills the problems started going away. I had some side effects from the new pill and worked with my doctor to find the right one and have been taking that same prescription ever since. (However, keep in mind that doctors say your reaction to the pill can change over time, sometimes suddenly, so this is why I offer this anecdote- it is something that could easily be overlooked.)

I'm really glad that I listened to my intuition that something was wrong with the advice I had been given. I was really lucky to have another doctor to consult and get a second opinion.

I wanted to share this with concerned husband because this is another possibility to consider. Talk to a trusted doctor to see if some of this might be possible side effects from any current prescriptions your wife may be taking (or drug interactions.) The low-dose birth control pills are even more heavily in use today than when this happened to me. The advertising touts the benefits and these side effects may be rare but its possible this is what is going on with your wife. Its worth looking at, along with any other tests the doctor may perform to rule out physical problems like wadswae described, before turning to other meds which may have their own, serious side effects.

Best wishes to you and your wife.

I'm curious, why would you think I'm a Prudie staffer? Why would she have staffers posting anyway?

For the record, I'm a long time reader and lurker, first time poster. What I described above was a really terrible experience which sounded a lot like what the letter writer described in his wife. The parallels were so striking they brought me out of my long, comfortable, lurkerdom to post hoping what I could share might be of use to someone. Is that so wrong?

another_opinion

Thank you for sharing your story. Obviously tonto has never had any medical problems or any family medical problems. Like you, I am a long time lurker and Concerned Husband's letter struck such a chord that I had to share my experience. I hope you continue to have great success with your family doc. I feel really lucky to have found the doc that I see, she is wonderful and I cannot put into words the difference her treatment made in my life.

And no I am not a Prudie staffer. Just someone who has been there and felt compelled to share what worked for me in hopes it migh help this woman. It is awful and more scary for family than the sufferer, because they see the difference in your behavior.

I truly hope you or your loved ones never experience anything like what I went through or the woman discussed in the letter.

Believe it or not, all the authors at Slate receive email responses to their work. We are making a concerted effort to encourage those writers to share their experiences and insights with the Fray.

Two weeks ago, the Prudence column presented a letter writer who may have been dealing with someone suffering from irritable bowel syndrome. We received many testimonials from others with the syndrome.

This week, a letter writer appears to have described a case of PMDD. And sure enough, we're seeing many testimonials from others who have had the syndrome.

To wadswae and another_opinion, thank you for sharing your experiences. Some of our loudest Fraysters are pretty strange people... but a post on this Fray can reach thousands of readers, even if only one or two ultimately respond.

Folks like tonto and MOH are best ignored... they're mostly just absurd.

Well, Geoff, when a brand new poster (no MBTU) shows up congratulating Prudie on her wonderful approach to giving advice and copying an article from another publication which "Prudie suggested she post", it becomes obvious that we are not dealing with random parties with normal curiosity.

You are better than this. Name calling ought to be beneath you, and a columnist staffer should use their own nic.

wadswae:

Obviously tonto has never had any medical problems or any family medical problems.

I am glad for you that a positive resolution was found. You and your family are obviously stronger and more aware than that LW and his wife's family.

I do not generally share things that happen in my life because people, especially in the Fray, are really uncomfortable with that. I have personally done almost everything that I suggest. Everyone here seems to want to just talk about it like that would somehow make it better. Then they want to talk about something sort of similar that happened to them once, and someone else chimes in with something like "did you ever think it could be?" and someone else (you in this case) comes in with a classic "you don't understand!" comment. Unfortunately, I do understand.

As a result of that discomfort, mental illnesses are allowed to languish because no one wants to be that bad guy that made poor (pick a family member) get into a treatment program. Recognizing the problem for what it is applies a stigma, but if you can just find some acronym that sort of fits then you're ok. Again, I am glad it worked for you. Not everyone is so lucky.

I hate that you have not found help for the issues that you describe. I will say it again. It took me fighting and demanding time with doctors and being my own advocate. No one close to me understood and it was not a case of "It might be.." or "have you heard of this?" It was a process of medical testing and eventually exploratory laproscopy.

Do not let anyone and especially the medical community tell you that you fit into a certain category so this must be your diagnosis. Demand every test. Cry and beg if you have to. Read everything you can get your hands on and keep a journal. Take all of your research and journals to the doctor and do not leave until you get some sort of satisfaction.

Another thing I learned is a practice manager can become your best friend. It is their job to run the business aspect of a practice and so customer service and satisfaction are high on their priority list because if the practice loses money it is their fault. Call them and ask them if their child were experiencing your symptoms, which doc in the practice would they take them to. Tell the PM that you want to come in and talk to a physician about your list of symptoms and would that doctor be open to that.

The bottom line is in women many mental illnesses have physical causes and the only way to figure out what is really going on is to fight like hell to get to a person that will listen to you!