"And yes, I do know how this sounds: pushy, and not what you'd call good-girl behavior, even under the circumstances."

Are you kidding me? I have to back my wife up like that all the freakin' time. I frequently take the heavy role on her behalf specifically because if I do it it's "normal" but if she does it it's "bitchy". She's definitely a good person, and I think (even if I'm tooting my own horn here) that it's a damn clever way to navigate a difficult cultural current.

So you help keep these insane stereotypes going. That isn't a good idea. Let go and let your wife defend herself.

This isn't clever but a sign of cowards.