The idea behind gift registries was to assist people in buying a gift. Said person can indicate what they like and people interested in giving gift need not guess. There is no rule or law that says you must give a gift from the registry. Thus, if the items are above your price level, buy something else. It is not resonable, however, to tell someone that they should not have chosen whatever it is they have on their registry.

Also, just because you register for gift A from store A does not mean that you must buy it from store A. Maybe you can by gift A from store B and save money.

In any case, even if the registry discussion would be appropriate at some point. I don't think it was now. It comes as a little nasty. Makes me wonder in the LW and S-I-L have a history of negative relationship.

sil may well have known the registry was old. Perhaps she feels oddly jealous of LW in some way. "If I'd had my kids later, I'd have money for all these nice things. And look at all the attention she got for not having a baby!" In any case, this is a power thing on the part of sil. "I'm superior to her. I didn't have defective pregnancies, so I can hold that over her forever." Or even, "If they have a baby, the grandparents will start doting on their children, and quit doing as much for mine." The best thing to do is to ignore it or to pretend to appreciate a tiny part of it, while ignoring the point of her barbs.

I can guarantee all those thoughts are going through SIL's mind. Her actions scream jealousy. She is trying to draw attention to the expectant mother's extravagant taste to deflect her ugly behavior. I always see right through this crap.

I agree with Baneline that the idea behind gift registries is to assist those in buying a gift and that no one should feel compelled to purchase from the registry. The tradeoff for LW, should she decide to stick with her internet window shopping picks, is that perhaps instead of getting two darling $10 onesies from Target, she may receive only one even more adorable $15 onesie from a boutique shop. That's LW's (and her husband's) perogative and they may have all sorts of safety and aesthetic reasons for picking the carseats and bassinets and bottles that they ultimately decide to put on their registry. So long as there is a range of prices so that well-wishing gift-givers can find something at any price point and LW is ok with someone showing up at a baby shower with a single box of couture baby wipes, LW shouldn't sweat her SIL's meddling and pick out those things that will make her happy and prepared to greet her new baby.

By the way, CONGRATULATIONS, LW! Sending you good wishes that this pregnancy is healthy and (appropriately) long.

Great point Elle... the motivation is rarely right when it brings about hideous behavior... LW unfortunately has to live with this, this, creature. But she doesn't have to let her rent that much space, not always an easy task. If it's this obvious, I doubt LW is the only one in the family who's picked up on it.

There are also several other reasons for registering for gifts...Not only to show your taste and assist people in buying your gift, but also to eliminate double gifts, help out of town people buy/ship their gift, and if you want one big gift such as a crib, then several people can see the one you want, and go in on it together. Without their own taste interfering and causing problems selecting it.

SIL is simply rude. What a bitch. I've had to buy off several registries, and the trick if you can't afford it at the particular store is to find the same one cheaper, and go back to the registry and have it marked as purchased. In my opinion there is no 'registry etiquette'. The person registers, and then the other people buy the things if they wish. It's as simple as that.

Personally, I think the whole gift registry think is tacky to start with -- as is the idea that you EXPECT people to buy you gifts because you got married, knocked up, graduated etc.

I'm kind of with you Th, to a point. It's really presumptuous... and I always used to think that, like, hey I want a gift so here's what to get me... on the other hand, most people expect to give a gift for a big event like marriage or a baby and now I use them all the time so that I get something the person needs... I mean I really don't want to buy them the 13th crock pot they've opened when I can really get them a pricey wine bottle opener that they don't have yet.

But hey, I say, screw the gift registry, just give me money.

(I'm really not that mean. Really!)

Registries are great for gift-giving occassions where you either don't know the person very well or you know that there are going to be dozens of people buying gifts and you don't want to double-up. That said, I think that the whole thing has gotten a little out of hand...buying someone an engagement present, a shower present, AND a wedding present? No. Or someone who's on their fourth baby...what the heck could they possibly register for except diapers?

At my age (24) pretty much everyone I know is either having getting married or having a baby, so showers are a monthly occurance for me and registries are a big help. For people I know very well, I generally go off registry and get them something unique that I know they'll love.

Yes, registeries are impossibly rude. Not as rude as this sis-in-law, but rude, and an insult to your loved ones and well-wishers.

The LW said she used the registry for internet window shopping and that she did not tell anyone about it. It doesn't sound like she was making a shopping list for her relatives. No, it sounds like she was dreaming about the future and having fun looking at baby items online.

registries are not rude at all...In fact they're courtious to people who have no idea what to get you, or don't have the time to spend looking around for something you might like while ensuring that you don't get the same thing from someone else. Large events such as weddings and baby showers are extremely hard to shop for. You've got anywhere from 10-300 or more other people shopping for the same event...Someone having a registry is a huge help.

You are expected to bring a gift to an event like this because if you invited that person to your event then you would expect them to bring you a gift. In long term friendships things like these are a two way street.

What I find rude is people who say it's rude to expect a gift. For a baby shower it is to help a mother get a head start on raising her child...A child that you should probably care for if you're thought of to come to the shower. For a wedding the bride and groom and their families spend thousands of dollars to throw a party for their loved ones to celebrate with them. Always with a free meal for you, and often with free liquor. Buck up.

it is historically proven that gifts for big events and even small ones are expected. they are there to help the person of honor go on to the next phase in their life. without gifts, i SERIOUSLY doubt any of us would get anywhere. we'd be so busy spending our money on the necessities and not being able to have fun. or save for a rainy day. thus, the gift. when Jesus got His gifts from the Wise Men, they helped His family get out of Isreal and set up life in Egypt and even make it back to Nazareth. so this isn't about how YOU feel, it's about HELPING SOMEONE ELSE. something this country can never seem to do right.

registries are great in the sense that ppl who don't know you (like your mom's best friend's roommate from college) can give you something to help you out in your next phase in life, and you don't have that issue with returning 5 toasters. esp since NO ONE these days manages to remember to keep the receipt. and it's a BITCH to return things without one these days. if you're the type who HATES registeries, just give them a gift card or cash or a check or offer your services for something. that way you don't feel put out by their tastes and lack of means (which you, of course have), and you're not looked at as a Scrooge (albeit, a well meaning one apparently). and if you do find the same item cheaper elsewhere, do find a way to make sure the registery says it was purchased. there is a reason why they registered at that store: b/c they wanted things at that store! be cheap but don't screw up their registery. after all they've had to do to make it (usually involves planning something like a wedding or a baby), it'd be nice if ppl stuck with it.

I love registries, because it is easier for me the gift giver. I stroll into a store, see what's on the registry and pay for the gift. I hate buying a duplicate gift for someone. Especially if the other person's gift is opened first and I'm anticipating the bride or mother to be to open mine anticipating the long line at the the very store I waited on line to buy it.