Prudie wrote to "A Turkey of a Day" suggesting, as a partial solution, they might alternate which parental units they favor.

My suggestion -- don't do a two-way rotation, do a three-way one. One year at his parents, the next year at her parents, and the third year at your house, with or without guests from the extended family. Then you can establish your own identity, pick and choose which traditions and foods you're going to keep or discard, and broaden and enrich the experience in a small way.

Please! I might start out with, "It's always nice to see you too, Ralph", but then I'd quickly start having a little fun of my own. Next opportunity you have to use his name, I'd start referring to him as inanimate objects, as he clearly has about as much respect for you as an inanimate object.... perhaps something like, "I love what you've done with the landscaping, Paperclip!". He'll get the point.

Enjoy YOUR day!

I agree with reid. My in-laws were similar and until I stood up to them, holidays were awful and I left these events almost suicidal. One Thanksgiving my aunt-in-law asked me if I ever thought I was going to lose the "baby-fat" from my then 5-year-old. I told her to knock it off, She claimed that she wasn't trying to hurt me. When I said, "yes you were, and I wasn't going to hang out where I could be insulted," everyone changed, now when I do attend events, everybody is much more cordial and respectful to each other and I no longer resent being there.

Shortly thereafter, I decided that I have Thanksgiving at my house with my kids. There is no stress, my kids aren't getting subtle messages that Mom is somehow upset. Instead we plan the meal together, decorate together, cook together and we have started new family traditions like board games and movies.

Life is way to short to have to suffer through other's rudeness. I don't think it is too late to avoid this year's festivities, simply call and say that "we aren't feeling up to it this year, hope everyone has a nice time."

Honestly, Thanksgiving is looked upon as commercialized, a time to get drunk and not work, and about the only time you see family that you hate with a passion. If we skip the holidays, and catch-up on sleep the world will be a happier place. We just need to keep contact with our families year-round and skip the holidays. Its not like we cant visit them whenever we want to during the year.

Stay at home on holidays, and sleep. Its better to avoid the people you hate on holidays and call them year-round. So what if your nieces and nephews are growing up. We all do it. Leave the hate out of the family picture and stay at home with yours. about the only time you need to visit is at funerals.

I too am almost 80. Holidays can be very stressful for alot of people therefore I try to make the Holidays as pleasant as possible for my family. I love having my children and their families with me, however I give them options. I make no demands and tell them all it is optional. I Have an open house policy and it works for me. Mariag

I would inform the mother in law about a month before Thanksgiving, that, “We regret that we won’t be able to celebrate the holiday with them this year, but will think of them as we work together as a family at our local soup kitchen, serving the homeless, needy or those without family. We feel that it’s very important for our children to see that everyone is not blessed with family, food or shelter and just how lucky they are to have those things and not take them for granted.” And then I’d do just that.

In response to MariaG:

It is refreshing, to say the least, to hear a mom (with 80 years of experience and wisdom) let the kids and family off the proverbial hook.

Of course it is wonderful to be together with family on holidays (for some of us). Of course it would be wonderful if the whole family got along and loved getting together with each other. Of course it is wonderful if children can put aside personal feelings for the sake of a mother's wishes. HOWEVER, like this wise woman knows...the world is not an ideal place all of the time and it is unrealistic to expect entire families and individuals brought up in different ways all to be on the same page.

I LOVE that this wise woman shares her love of family, but does not apply pressure on her family. KUDOS!! I'm sure this woman is much loved and respected for her unselfishness and wise approach to family.

I would love to spend Thanksgiving with her!!

To Incognito92,

Thanks for the compliment. Through the years you learn that life does not revolve only about you There are others to consider. Have a happy Thanksgiving. Mariag