And the loudest "duh" of the week goes to:
by
haulinsacs
11/12/2007, 7:03 AM #
Critics!
From the article:
"Critics charge that Disney's parks are nothing more than simulacra of reality, carefully constructed capitalist fantasylands that shut out unpleasant realities."
In other news:
Several critics of Disney's theme parks, long sickened by all the "fun" and "enjoyment" being had by visitors, have decided to launch their own competing park, "Misery World."
Attractions include:
1. An all-day, all-you-can-eat lima bean and liver buffet.
2. A theater that shows only film footage of people visiting and having "a great time" at Disney's parks. It's quite common to see whole audiences smirking knowingly in unison. During every session such exclamations as, "You stupid, frivolous bastards!" can be heard often followed by the low roar of a full theater of patrons stifling their laughter, lest they appear entertained.
3. Only one entrance and one exit, on opposite ends of the park from each other.
4. Parking is limited to a strip three car-lengths wide and ten miles long, free of lines of any kind but marked off at the boundaries by walls, pointed directly outward from the park on either side, and equidistant from the entrance and exit.
5. A biopsy of the organ of your choice is required as proof of identity upon admittance to the park.
6. No restrooms, water fountains, first-aid stations, gift shops, or information booths.
7. No guides or "helping" of any kind will be tolerated.
8. No seat restraints, and those with heart and/or other health problems are encouraged to ride what might, at other parks, be regarded as "exciting" rides so that they can just get on with dying, already.
9. Nowhere in the entire park can one be more than fifty feet from the nearest loudspeaker, which will relentlessly announce randomly chosen names, followed by the number of days of life the person named has left to live based on the results of tests performed on tissue taken from the aforementioned biopsy.
10. Patrons who die from dehydration, exhaustion, disease due to exploding internal organs caused by waiting too long to use the restroom, disease due to unsanitary conditions caused by the previous or other reasons, heart failure or other fatal condition caused by attractions allegedly evoking faint memories of things that were "very nearly interesting," murder, sheer boredom, existential angst, syphilis, or any other cause shall be left permanently where they fall to be trampled into the pavement.
11. Smiling is prohibited at all times with the exception of the moment during which one is stepping on a fallen dead patron, when there will also be allowed very slight giggling. Violators will be drawn and quartered.
Further details were not available at press time.
