The couple in the first letter seem to have their reasons in order and have a good understanding between them about what they're after by experimenting with sex with other people, so why not? Perhaps there is a little risk that hearts may change, but that risk is always there, and I think it's better to have those changes come because you've taken control of your life and gone after experience, rather than waiting for them to happen passively, or, even worse, hiding yourself away in fear of it so real life never has a chance.

Set down some rules and expectations - there's a good book called The Ethical Slut that will help you know the questions to ask yourselves and alert you to different things you may not be thinking of now, but should.

Biggest problems I've seen: 1) a third party becomes to dependent and starts wanting to be taken care of like a child, or just expects to be too much a member of the family, and 2) couples telling each other too much or too little - the balance between honesty and too much honesty is delicate. Just talk it out and make sure everything is on the up and up and all parties know the rules. 3) mind games - people doing this to prove to themselves they're desireable. I really don't agree with the person who's been writing, crowing about how it brings out her competitive nature and she enjoys "winning him again and again." Ew! As far as I'm concerned, competition is a mind game and is one of the unhealthiest motivations for these relationships that exists.

As far as I'm concerned, competition is a mind game and is one of the unhealthiest motivations for these relationships that exists.

Well what is your motivation then?

RHW:

The couple in the first letter seem to have their reasons in order and have a good understanding between them about what they're after by experimenting with sex with other people, so why not?

Your post assumes that everything the LW (or Prudie's ghost writers) put in there is both literally true and plausible. In the real world, there are two important considerations to keep in mind.

First, we only heard from the LW. You would take her word that her husband agrees with all the stuff you've cited. I have my doubts.

Second, people always lie about sexual matters. We do have one poster who is likely to tell the absolute truth about such things but that's a unique situation.

Why not?

If you do it, the quadratic formula explodes. You don't ever want that. I've seen it, it's not pretty.

Salmon prices in China. I'm up to my elbows in futures contracts, for the love of god don't do that!

Someone, somewhere has french dressing on their salad. They are the enemies of freedom.

Did you get tired of walking the picket line?

RHW - Thanks for your characterization that I am "crowing;" it's better than the usual charge that I'm "defensive" about our relationship. It is the same defensive reaction that I have when people say that our mild recreational diving and climbing are irrational activities. As to mind games, I am simply stating how I feel (can't help it) and the fact, all in all, that I like it. I have been nothing but pleasant and gracious to the women that were hubby's lovers. Only hubby sees my jealous/aggressive side.

At least you admit to your jealsouy. I meet many who don't.

As a poly family we have a different set of rules regarding outside food but find its not a family member who has jealousy issues but someone from the outside. *Shrugs*

Regarding the LW, they have been married and monagomous how long? Leopards don't change their spots over night or over a few months. Rent porn and don't dine out unless you have already consulted your divorce lawyer. Its a disaster waiting to happen.