I agree completely with Prudie's advice to Curious but... here's some questions I would suggested that Curious ask herself first.

#1. What do you mean by "pillars of the community?" Are you prominent church members or business leaders? Do you get your pictures in the society pages of the newspaper? Then how do you think you and your hubby are going to "experiment" and get away with it? Are you going out of town or out of state to swing? Are you going to pay for sex? Are new sexual experiences more important than your reputation?

#2 You say you have a great family. How will you ensure that your kids don't find out? If you do get busted in front of them, would that cause them to lose respect for you? Could you handle that?

#3 Is it worth the risk of possible AIDS exposure? Exposure to strains of STD's that have become resistant to antibiotics?

Let me close with one of my favorite sayings - Be careful what you wish for, you might get it.

Curious -

My husband and I have "been there, done that" (actually still doing it), and have no regrets. Of course you need to be careful and of course there are risks. But life is full of risks that we assume under the right circumstances. How about that trip to South America or riding a motorcycle or scuba diving...? Do you sit around all day worried about getting the bends? To each of us some risks are worth it, some are not, just be resonable in your adventures. Sex is just immensely pleasureable, and variety adds to it. My caution is that unless you limit yourself to another couple, the situation may not always be symmetric. Make sure you're both OK with that. fyi - We stated with me having a partner (and he is the only other one); later I set up hubby sequentially with three of my friends over the four years since we started.

What is it about variety that women think they've missed out on (or would miss about it if they had to quit)?

Skillset?

Equipment?

Intellectual/emotional compatability?

What do these other guys have that your husband doesn't have and vice versa?

What makes you think that women have any concerns at all about the "emotions involved"? Or don't you think that women, like men, sometimes just want to get laid? Trust me, that happens all the time. Men do not have a monopoly on the desire for cheap sex.

I can feel for this woman. She married the first guy she had sex with at the age of what, 15, so I can imagine this is all getting pretty fraught for her. She thinks she missed out and she did. Then again, she waited until kind of late in the game to worry about that.

Well Messy,

I think I know guys. 8 out of 10 guys at the base of their brain, when it comes to sex, thinks that one hole is as good as the next. It never occured to me that 8 out of 10 women would think that one rod was as good as the next. I'd think women to be much more selective than men. In that way I wondered what was the variety that women selected for and why. Is it something missing in their s/o?

Me personally I'm that 8.5 guy who needs to actually enjoy the company at some level and really couldn't just rest on some mutual sex addiction issue (unless it was something do to with physical perfection:-). But beyond that scenario I can't really see a true NSA booty call.

So what would you go for in an NSA fling, another tubby hubby type? Some guy who is evidently good in bed somehow? Or someone you clicked with? Is clicking good enough?

I vote for skill set for short term and skill set + compatibility in the long term.

In my experience what a guy has is much less important than what he is capable of doing.

I think your position is the one held by liberated, single women.

But in the context of an open relationship or swingers if it is skill set why couldn't the regular partner learn a larger complement of skills? I think they are pretty finite. 3-5 educational porno's should cover all the bases, wouldn't you think?

And how does a woman determine in her quest for variety if a man has a skill set heretofore untried while minimizing the risk of indulging in just in another sexually mediocre liaison? No, I get the impression that open/swinger women are attracted by something more distinctive than a simple yen for sexual skill set variety.

Just to make you happy, I'll say it! (It also happens to be true...to a certain extent.....)

Size counts.

Feel better? ;-D

Messy, messy.

You're a size queen. I kind of figured.

Actually, I think women go for variety primarily as an act of discovery; first of self and then of another man and then another and another. I'm just not sure yet what real value that has though.

BTW, what makes you think I'd 'feel better' about it?

I get irked, however, when anyone implies that testing the waters, as it were, is somehow nasty when a woman does it. Who did they think their little boys were sowing their wild oats with, if you please?

As for size, yeah, yeah, smartie-pants, you know you were just waiting for some woman to say that.

Most of us don't care that much (within reason), but those that say it isn't a consideration at all are just lying for the sake of looking PC about it.

What if it is equally nasty for the boys and girls? Somehow when you find out if someone is into testing waters and you know them (boy/girl) you seem to get a pretty good idea if they are the nasty type or not. Because there is nasty.

As for size, yeah, yeah, smartie-pants, you know you were just waiting for some woman to say that.

I'm sorry but that never crossed my mind, I'm just not that nasty;-D

Most of us don't care that much (within reason), but those that say it isn't a consideration at all are just lying for the sake of looking PC about it.

No, they aren't lying to be PC they just might not know any better or they are lying to themselves because they do know better, or ergo open/swinger women and their jealous s/o.