1) That's pretty much what I'd recommend (my moral stances aside.) I'd suggest they be willing and prepared to let each other know and to respect it if one or the other decides they don't care for this arrangement and wants to return to monogamy. And above all, take care that you don't experiment in dangerous settings, or pick up anything you wouldn't like to share. Condoms may be less fun, but they are pretty much essential.

2) Track her down - the college is a good place to start. You can hunt people down through the internet for a price, as well. And no, you can't take it out of what you owe her. If you're reluctant to confess, send a money order signed "Jane Smith."

3) Excuses are like ... Well, never mind, but everybody has one. You have several, as did the previous letter writer. Your marriage has already lasted more than many. Discuss this with him. Tell him a promise made so long ago, especially under the influence, can be a hard thing to keep now. Try to negotiate a bit. Perhaps you don't need to be there the entire five years. Perhaps you could live where he already has contacts. Perhaps your job has contacts or an office in Germany you can transfer to, though not necessarily in Berlin. Just because you agreed to live in Germany for five years doesn't mean the entire five years necessarily must be on his terms only.

Before bearing children out of the country, find out what the law is regarding their citizenship in both countries. Last I heard, Americans born outside the US must live in the US a certain number of years to retain citizenship. Some countries require people born there to report for military duty at a certain age, wherever they live or if they return for a visit. Maybe you can spend extended vacations in the US when that time comes, and return to Germany with the child(ren) in tow. Also, in case of divorce, whatever country the kids are in at the time usually keeps them. Make sure you have legal paperwork dictating what happens to the kids if you both die, once you have any, or there will be an international incident with both sets of relatives wanting custody.

4) Didn't you learn how to deal with this in kindergarten? If you ignore the bullies who tease you, they go on to a target who is more fun to tease. Ignore their e-mails. Reply with a link to Snopes if you like - I do for the more outrageous ones, and ignore any responses. I hope you aren't in an executive position, if you can't deal with something so simple.

On US citizens born abroad: if you're born a US citizen, you are one until you officially renounce it or take action that amounts to renouncing it. Just living abroad doesn't do it.

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And yes, you can be president if you're born abroad, as long as you're a natural born citizen; i.e., at least one parent is a citizen.

Not necessarily. From <link>

Most children born abroad to a U.S. citizen parent or parents acquire U.S. citizenship at birth. As soon as possible after the birth, the U.S. citizen parent should contact the nearest U.S. Embassy or Consulate. If the consul determines that the child has acquired U.S. citizenship, a consular officer prepares a Consular Report of Birth Abroad of a Citizen of the United States of America (Form FS-240). This document is recognized in the United States as proof of acquisition of U.S. citizenship, and it is acceptable evidence of citizenship for obtaining a passport, entering school, and most other purposes. Failure to document a child promptly as a U.S. citizen may cause hardship for the parents or child later on when attempting to obtain a passport or register for school. For further information, visit the Department of State website at <link>.

(italics mine) There used to be a law - I had friends affected by it - that they had to live something like 12 years in their first 21 on US soil to maintain citizenship. My friends were sent to live with Grandma to meet that requirement.

Thanks for the info.

I wonder what criteria the Consul uses. My son was born in Germany and we got the Consular Report. When people ask for his birth certificate, we usually supply that document, but sometimes we send his only birth certificate, which is in German.

Nowadays, of course, you can also be declared an enemy combatant and effectively stripped of citizenship, but that doesn't happen very often.

...register at the local consulate upon their arrival. when a child is born, the kid is registered at the US consulate as an american citizen. since the father is German, your child will be considered a german under german law as long as his father has partial custody, even though the kid is happily smiling on his american passport picture. just make sure the baby is included on the mothers passport. if they want to be absolutely positive, give birth in the US. heck, even illegal refugees from timbuktu can have their kid born in the US, and he'll be an american citizen. at age 21, the kid must decide whether to be an american or german citizen. either way, the kid must renounce their other citizenship. however, a child of a german documented german father can always gain german citizenship, as can someone born in the US. there have been some really bizarre cases in history. if this is confusing, keep in mind that each country honors their own rules, and no one elses. if your mother is a US citizen and had a grandfather of Italian citizenship, heck, congratulations, you can be american/german/italian and compete against yourself three ways in the olympics.

There was a case in Israel years ago where a kid went to visit Mom before going off to college, found she'd never revoked his Israeli citizenship, and got slapped into the army. Then he had to prove he was drafted and didn't voluntarily enlist to retain his American citizenship, even though he was born here. I'm sure it happens other places, as well. I was pregnant in another country, but made sure I was back before the birth. So much simpler that way.

"There used to be a law - I had friends affected by it - that they had to live something like 12 years in their first 21 on US soil to maintain citizenship. My friends were sent to live with Grandma to meet that requirement."

I have students affected by a similar law. Although they were US citizens, they had to give up citizenship because they didn't spend enough time in the US. This happened this year, so something is still in effect, though I don't know whether it's the exact same law you are talking about. I know that if only one parent is a citizen then that parent has to have lived in the US for five years for the child to get citizenship. Maybe the kids you were talking about didn't have a parent who had lived in the US for the prescribed length of time and so had to do something extra??

The US, however, does not force natural born citizens to renounce other citizenship to remain US citizens.

Parents cannot renounce their children's citizenship.

lisaz:

Parents cannot renounce their children's citizenship.

They can in some countries. I was trying to keep it short, but the thing was, the boy was Jewish and had lived with his mother just long enough that he acquired Israeli citizenship, something like 2-3 years - I'm sure someone here knows. There, you have to sign some papers that you do NOT want to be a citizen. It's automatically bestowed on Jews, so Americans and others can be citizens without losing their original citizenship.

The boy didn't like living with his mother and step-family, so he went back to live with his father in the US. The mother, however, did not fill out the paperwork for him, which parents must do if the children will acquire citizenship as minors, and they don't want them to be Israeli citizens. By the time he came back to visit, it was too late.

I don't know how it turned out, just that the US Embassy was trying to get him out of the army at his father's request. I was pregnant and also living out of the country when I read about this story, so I made sure to have the baby within the US.

but my impression is that children born to natural born american citizens are automatically citizens.

maybe kids born to naturalized citizens, who have left the US, have a more stringent rule.

if your (american) kid is born in germany, i dont think he's automatically a german citizen either. baby without a country?

German citizenship is conferred by blood, not by place of birth. My American kid who was born in Germany is not only not automatically a German citizen, he has no claim at all to German citizenship.

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Also, if they're born on American soil, even in a foreign country (military base, consulate, etc.), they are considered to have been born in the United States, regardless of passport.

Someone told me once that if a kid is born on an airplane or boat in transit between two countries in or above international waters, they could be counted as being born in one, both, or neither, depending on the laws of the two countries. Some count the country you are going to, and others count the one you are coming from. But I don't know this for a fact.

I used to work on citizenship issues, and I must say, it's a complicated subject. The law that determines your eligibility for citizenship depends on when you were born. There are litterally pages and pages of charts that consular officers use to determine which law applies to which situation (married parents, unmarried, mother is the US citizen, father is the US citizen...). Someone born in 1930 has different citizenship requirements than someone born in 1950 or 1980, for example. If in doubt, visit the American Citizen Services section of any embassy or consulate to find out what laws apply to you. In the case of the letter writer, the child would attain US citizenship through its mother who is a US citizen by birth, assuming she lived in the US at least 5 years, two of which were after the age of 14 (military service would count towards that requirement, even if she were overseas, by the way).

As for citizenship retention requirements there used to be a residency requirement, but that law was repealed quite some time ago. If someone lost their citizenship that way, they can now sign a paper saying they did not intend to lose their citizenship, and they'll get it reinstated.

oh, and when I say "assuming she lived in the US at least 5 years", I was referring to the mother.

Not true. Being born on a military base or at a consulate doesn't count as being born in the US. Those kids get Consular Reports of Birth Abroad.