If only I were as eloquent and brief as the Haiku Master. But alas, here we go.

There are few things that will destroy a traditional marriage faster than exchanging body fluids with others outside the marriage. Except in rare circumstances the jealousies, insecurities, emotions, etc this will cause will destroy the trust, sanctity and security of the marriage. Why would you want to expose what you characterize as a very happy and secure marriage to try the body parts of strangers? There are some who post in this forum who support multiple partners but the vast majority will say no.

A drunken promise to uproot your life after 5 years so you can leave your family, move to a strange place where he has no family, no past and an uncertain future. What are his ties to Berlin that he wants to move there? Or is this really just to get away from your life? Need to dig deeper to find out why. And Prudie is right, all this should have been worked out before the marriage when heads and hearts were clearer.

Find the former roommate, face the music. Not all that hard if you really want to. Donating the money to charity will not clear the conscience.

Either use the delete button, or block email from these folks. You are not going to change them, so decide if you want to continue to receive email from them. Might want to let them know you are doing it and why.

I don't think blocking a friend's email can do anything but bring choruses of how you cannot "take the truth" or "take a joke." I find it better to ignore those bashing emails unless I am certain they are factually incorrect. And I mean fact, not opinion. Then I will reply with a question, the answer to which reveals the misinformation in the email.

When I get this stuff from MIL, especially if factually incorrect, I immediately ask for the source. Really? I say. I haven't heard this in any of the media. What is your source? An email chain? Well, you know how ANYONE can make something up, that's why I like verifiable fact-based information from a credible source. What research did you do on this?

She's made a new email group for that crap that doesn't include me.

1. Delete it, and tell them your junk mail filter caught it. Since the emails were junk, that's not a lie.

2. Find real friends who respect you, and ask yourself why you put up with this from friends. Real friends don't disrespect people this way. Those emails are attempts to screw with you for the sheer enjoyment of making you irritated. People who enjoy irritating friends and loved ones don'i really like or love anyone. They are controlling diva assholes who want audiences. They deserve to have boundaries..

If t

What is the point of being married if you want to "experiment" with other people? Why would you want to risk the happiness of your marriage(and your children if you have any)? Also, watching porn or getting turned on by other people is NOT the answer, it is still bringing other people into your marriage bed and once an image is in your head it is difficult to rid yourself of it. Sex with someone else might be exciting for a while but my bet is that you will soon regret what it does to your heart and soul!

While I agree if a marriage has been monagmous for as long as the LW's that swinging or dining out usually does not work, there are many who have open or poly marital relationships from the start who never have trouble and are quite successful. I think it depends on the nature and character of the participants of the marriage.

This reminds me of this really excellent House rant from last week. The gist of it was - statistics don't matter to individuals. In anything less than a 100% chance somebody is going to be able to buck the trend. So, even though 'most' people can't handle a radical shift midlife, that really isn't an argument against these particular people trying it. They could wind up to be the happy statistical anomaly :)

I'm in Vegas, the house always wins in the end.

Perhaps but the only time I gambled in Vegas, I came out ahead. So, to recap from above, just because the statistics are not in your favor it doesn't mean you can't still win.

If your room, food, entertainment and travel weren't comped and left jingle in your pocket the house won.

That is a different way to look at it. Personally I see it as I purchased the experience of a vacation. It isn't any different than purchasing say, an air filter. And I wouldn't say the store I bought the air filter from 'won'. I got what I wanted and they got what they wanted, it is business, not a competition :)

Who would you say 'wins' when I purchase my vacation to London next year? Or does it only count when it is Vegas?

Are you gambleing in London?

BTW not being contrary just saying when you gamble winning is an illusion in general.

I think you're missing the point Heleva. The gambling was just something to spend her money on while on vacation in Vegas, as opposed to spending some money to go see Ka. She spent some money at gambling. Gambling paid her back some money. Ka would have paid her back a cute little ballet and musical show. Both are/were good experiences.

In a similar experience in Vegas, the company reimbursed my hotel and meals, so in my case yes, all that I won at the slot machine actually WAS profit for me! :-)

big_macs:

The gambling was just something to spend her money on while on vacation in Vegas, as opposed to spending some money to go see Ka.

That's how I see it. I've gone to the horse races exactly once. I took $20, expecting I'd probably lose it all. I came away with about $5. It was an enjoyable afternoon, which cost $5 less than I expected.

I personally have no interest in Vegas, but if I went, I'd allow ahead of time how much I could afford to lose, and only gamble with that. The games themself are fun for many people, just like the rides at an amusement park or the games in a video arcade. No one expects anything back from those.

We've moved way off topic.

In regards to the topic the odds are in favour of sexual experimentation failing, Susan was commenting that people ignor odds. She was actually being hopful I believe that if they did defy odds they would be okay. Since I do not gamble, I think I said it was Petite Bourgeoisie in Vegas, I adhere to the fact the house wins in the end. I know providing anecdotal evidence to the contrary is to enuse but there is a reason why it is called the Gaming Industry. In fact the convention is going on right now.