...you should model that behavior yourself.

She's 13. You are the adult; she isn't yet. She's an adolsecent: she's going to be a bit concrete and a bit absolute from time to time. It isn't reasonable to expect a 13 year old to demonstrate complete open-mindedness, nuanced thinking, and perfect tolerance for differing opinions. If you want her to develop these qualities over the next few years, the best thing you can do is demonstrate them.

Some of the wording in your letter suggests that you may be somewhat less than ideal in practicing these attributes yourself: "organized religion is harmful for her development into a rational adult." You don't sound very respectful of her beliefs. Do you have any friends or work acquaintences who are religious? Do you treat them as differing equals, or with smug superiority in the supreme rationality of your own beliefs?

I have a two year old son. My wife and I are religious. Naturally I hope that our son will grow up to share some of our beliefs. Realistically, I know that he will be his own person and at least some of his beliefs will differ from ours. It certainly it is not my goal to raise an automaton who obediently believes everything my wife and I tell him to believe. Whatever beliefs he arrives at, I hope they will arise from his own independent, conscientious and joyful search for truth and meaning in life.

If your goal is to get your daughter to share your beliefs, I don't think I can help you.

But if you want to raise your daughter to be an independent, conscientous seeker of truth and meaning, then I do have a suggestion for you. Why don't you try showing the same respectful interest in her views that you would like her to show in yours?

Make a deal with her: "I'll go to church with you, with an open mind and an attitude of respect, if you will come with me to _____ with an open mind and an attitude of respect."

I'm not sure what _____ will be for you - you have to fill in that blank. Where do you go and what do you do to find beauty and meaning in life? What account of the origin of the universe fills you with joy and wonder? Is there a positive venue for sharing these things with your daughter, beyond simply objecting to her beliefs? If not, maybe you need to find this for yourself as much as for your daughter.

Maybe even if you wind up "agreeing to disagree," this exercise will at least let the two of you understand each other a little better. If you could at least get to the place where you both would say, "I don't share those beliefs, but I can see the value they have for my daughter/father" then you will be a lot better off than you are now.

Fabulous answer. Kudos for your excellent thought process.

Maybe we should vote amongst ourselves which people have the best ideas, and petition Slate to swap them in for Emily.

We could even have a Dear Prudie committee!

Please God no! Slate is far more effective as a news outlet and discussion platform when the users are left as users.

Hear, hear!!!

Amen!

A good blank filler could be going to a museum dedicated to evolution, or to do an every other Sunday routine, one Sunday you go to church, the next, it's his choice, maybe a brunch instead, and religion be a no-no to discuss during that time. Try to look for common ground. After a while of both complying it will get easier, and a bond hopefully will grow.

I think you are the first person to offer up this idea; the "blank filler".

Something fun, like museums, zoos, even a hike in the woods takes the focus off the "tender issue" and still provides a positive experience.

Zoos are fun, even my 17 year old cousin likes the zoo. Another good blank filler would be a movie. No reason to think about having to talk, and then after it's done, hopefully it's be good enough of a movie to discuss, forgetting the issues.

A lot of cities have science centers or science museums as well. Some of my fondest memories were those spent with my "weekends only" father at the science center in our city.