I was an only child who spent toddler to kindergarden age being cared for by my grandfather. He was elderly, and while intensively loving, he did not "play" with me. Nor did my mother or father when they came home from work. The time they spent with me, we spent it doing adult type things. For play, I was on my own, or I had to go hang out with my cousins. If ever I would have gone up to my mom and said, "I'm bored...play with me...." she would have said, "Bored? I can find something for you to do," and made me clean the bathroom. A little bit of that made sure I spent my time outside playing on my own.

I don't think any of that was a bad thing. More than anything, it taught me to be very self-sufficient, and taught me how to entertain myself. I can entertain myself endlessly now as an adult, and I don't need other people in order to do so. Nor do I feel cheated out of a childhood or loving parents. My parents loved me, and in their adult-like interactions with me taught me how to be an adult. How to be a kid...I already knew.

you know the type that demand constant attention from friends, family, people standing at the bus stop? i'm convinced that part of their problem is that they never learned this lesson. Over in the DP fray, i actually had someone say that they could not be quiet and by themselves for 40 minutes. Instead of thinking that perhaps they should get some counseling or a prescription for Ritalin, this person thought that it was a normal reaction. How sad that we are a society of people who need so much attention that they can't manage to read for awhile or have private thoughts or write in a journal for short periods of time.

sure, you should hang with your kids and develop a relationship, but i think you're right that it's just as important for that kid to be comfortable with themselves as well. cause frankly, we are the only person that we can guarantee will be there for us our entire lives...