I see a lot of posts directed harshly towards the teen but I think the main thing you forget that this we don't get to hear from the teen's perspective.

Imagine if the teen had my story: I was not 'cool' by any standards, people in school made fun of me daily, picked on me physically, etc.

As soon as I come home my mom is yelling at me to clean and do other things. Later in life I realized she was basically taking her anger out on me because of her own situation (hating her job). If I do help out she still yells because it isn't perfect because she is on OCD neat freak. If I ever try to talk to her about how school is tough on me she berates me telling me how good I have it and I shouldn't care what other people think.

Skip to 10 years later and we're no longer talking. I have tried to be the bigger person and mend things several times but it always comes down the to fact she doesn't really consider I'm a person with feelings.

Luckily I met a wife whose family has shown me what love really is. After seeing what real love is I am eternally grateful and really started enjoying life instead of dwelling on it.

I guess my point is I'm not really sure that the mother is communicating well enough with the daughter, which is why I like Prudie's answer. I would like to know the way in which she asks the daughter to do these things cause that can make a big difference. I really doubt the daughter (or most people) wouldn't help out at all in this situation. I bet there are some issues going on here we don't know about.

There was an undercurrent in the letter, not only that mom misses having the house spic and span, but also that she just misses her daughter's company. I'd bet if the kid took a hour a couple of times a week to sit down and eat with her mom, or play a board game, or whatever they might do together as a family where they can converse (not just watch TV), that the mom wouldn't mind half as much about the house.

My mom typically railed on us about the house when she got tired of doing everything herself after working 40+ hours, running us to our activities, and whatever other obligations she had - especially if any of us whined about "there's nothing to eat" or "I'm bored" or "This bowl is dirty!" - and yet we didn't seem to have a minute to tell her how our day was.

greepoman:

I see a lot of posts directed harshly towards the teen but I think the main thing you forget that this we don't get to hear from the teen's perspective.

Lot's of people here yammer on about how it's "about family " "about responsibility" and "seventeen is old enough" and "when I was" and it's all garbage. Every family has their own way of working things out or in this case whining at each other a lot.

It's basically because most people lack good communication skills. Several people, most notably Iso, have pointed that out. At the risk or oversimplifying, communication is 90% listening.

Cry on, emo boy. Comparing your situation to this woman's is comparing tomatos and cheez-its. From the looks of the letter, the mom is NOT expecting extravegant chores to be done on a daily basis, she is BEDRIDDEN, and the husband is picking up the majority of the more time-consuming chores.

What is with you people? Seriously? Is it so bad that this kid is being asked to sweep, dust and mop every so often? These things are so basic she should be doing them out of habit, bedridden parent or no. Which means any argument between her and her mom should not have happened in the first place.

And honestly? If you were as much of a wuss about chores as this girl is, I do not blame your mom for freaking out on you. If you weren't and your mom was really unreasonable, then that was totally uncalled for and that's a ton of stress on a kid. But I can only wonder, considering there are two sides to a coin and you're sticking up for the little whimp that, apparently, thinks picking up a broom will condemn her to a life of company with dustbunnies.

brainrat:

Cry on, emo boy.

Wow, that's really mature. My mom is just one of those chronically miserable people who has driven everyone out of their lives. You go through 18 years of emotional and physical abuse and let's see how you turn out.

I know there are a lot of spoiled brats out there and this girl is probably one of them. I was just merely pointing out that sometimes there's more to the story which is why Prudie's suggestion is good.

and there's a lot of dysfunctional families. noone is guaranteed an intelligent or rational or nice or communicative parent. you deal with it while you're under their roof and hopefully are able to walk away not too emotionally damaged when you've got the chance.

my point is, if emotional abuse was enough of an excuse for a child to disobey their parents, we'd be a nation full of undisciplined children who have no idea about how to respect others. oh. and how many people are "emotionally abused", so to speak, at their jobs by managers, supervisors, bosses, coworkers? part of life is learning how to deal with people who are unpleasant and may be wrong. some people just have to learn it sooner within their own families...

Many people have gone through a lifetime of abuse of one or more sorts. How they turn out is still a matter of the choices they themselves make.

Not every man who was beaten turns into a serial killer, for instance, but that's usually the defense they use.