Ok, here's the thing: I'm leaving the country on Friday, leaving behind all I hold dear, taking along my passport and all that is not liquid, for my first Canadian Thanksgiving. I've known the family we're staying with for about 47 years. The mom was the first person to butter my peanut butter all the way to the crust. The brothers were my very first friends.Their dad was closer to us than my real uncles. They're not totally Canadian, they even have a portrait of a relative hanging in an important art museum somewhere on the eastern seaboard. Yeah, they're bi-what. Bilateral. Binational. Whatever. That's not the problem. The problem is we usually bring wine when someone invites us for dinner, two bottles if it's a weekend. Or flowers if they're FOB or Muslim. Don't want to check any luggage, so that leaves out booze; don't want to cross the border with living plan matter, so there goes the fleurs. Would a homemade pie be ok? Do you guys eat that stuff? It's pretty good. I do half raspberries and half blackberries, with a nice flaky grandma-perfected crust. And should I freeze it so the gummint doesn't pitch it out at security? My husband was afraid they'd make us chuck the pie plate because it's metal. I reminded him I wasn't intending to wear it. But you know, it just gets so complicated.

and surely there is a convenience store just across the line.

I know, Don't call you Shirley.

Sorry, the devil made me do it.

Pie always works well. If you can wait until Friday, I'm doing crawfish pie at the request of a Texaguy from Big D little a double l, ok, you get it.

Oh, you're leaving on Friday?

Apple would be nice.

Seriously though, just stop across the line and get them a six pack of blues.

I think Blues is the national bird of Canada, but I could be wrong. It would be hard to beat a blue and a slice of pie.

Have fun in the cold far northern land of the maple leaf and French speaking next door neighbors.

Just have the cab stop at the LCBO (pronounced ellceebeeoh) on the way in from the airport. Most of them have a pretty decent selection of wines.

Although, actually, there is no problem with bringing in a bottle of wine.

They won't let us past security with a bottle of anything, at LGA. And no checking luggage, it's a long way through the snowy north from the airport to our cabin in the woods.

But no, I will not contribute to your filthy Canadian habit which us Americans are too mature to indulge. In. Which.

Nobody up here even knows they're a real food. It's lonely.

Iso:

To my knowledge, if you don't check it into baggage (wine and/or pie); it will not make the plane. Can't carry it on anymore because of the fear of liquid explosives.

I think you are going to lose with the pie also. They will make you pitch it at the security gate.

from the Duty Free Shop.

They will bring the bottles to the door of the plane, you'll go and pick them p with your receipt when they P.A. your name.

Bon voyage, babe.

Enjoy.

No wonder the Christmas decorations go up earlier and earlier each year.

I'd pick that one up for myself. You order them from the attendant?!

I'd rather chuck a case of wine than one of my pies.

I think you can get an autographed one from the White House. Better take two--you may need one to get back into the Land of the Free.

At the DF Shop. Pick your wine, pay for it, get a receipt. They will get your flight info and deliver the wine to the door of the plane. They can't board the plane, so the FA will announce when it arrives at the door prior to take off.

Cool, eh?

I swear.

They don't even have freaking pilgrims.

Some goddamned consistency.

They spell humor humour. And favorite favourite, &.c, and so on and so forth. But they pronounce them the same as we do.

But then they pronounce about as "aboot", though they spell it the same way.

Maybe you could give them some w's for that last problem. At least pronunciation-wise. "Abowt".

For schad, too: great article by P.M. Barnett in this month's Esquire aboot just exactly why the hell should we, America, not annex Mexico and Canada. Funny, pertinent. Don't know how to link yet, but if you're willing to do a little extra work, i.e., cut and paste, it's worth it.

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Oh. Cool. Nevermind about the extra work thingie.

Iso: you're not going to like my next toppost. I can almost guarantee it. It's called "Southern Black Entitlement". Heck, I may even dedicate it to you just to be mean again.

There at LGA. I buy the lusty red Italian, get my receipt, and once I board they bring it to the plane?

I'm so glad I know you.