For the record:

I'm female.

I know NOW that my mom is a manipulative bitch who manipulated me and my brother. She cheered the horrible things I did at dad's house. She still manipulates me a little bit, even though I am an adult, but my fiance is helping me deal with her. Looking back, I shudder when I think about the "booby traps" I set, which definitely could have caused my stepmom or baby brother to die. When I told my mom I was trying to get in touch with my father, her response was "Good...he can pay for the wedding" but that is not why I'm trying to get in touch.

My dad did fight for custody. My mom begged my brother and I to tell the court, psychologists and lawyers that I wanted to live with her because she knew they would listen to us. She told us that if we went to live with dad, he wouldn't have to send her money anymore, and that the house would get sold and she would be thrown in the street and it would be our fault. So we told the judge, lawyers, DYFS and our psychologist that we wanted to live with mom. Mom behaved for DYFS for a while (our school called DYFS). She even took us to Disneyworld after she won custody as a "thank you" to us but when we returned from that vacation, she went back to being her nutty self.

My parents did send me to therapy when I was young, but mom stopped it because it didn't "fit in her schedule" and she told me "nothing was wrong with me, that all girls hate their stepmoms, it is natural". I ended up committed in an institution at 19. My father does not know I was committed because I was still mad at him for getting remarried when I was 19.

I now live an airplane-ride away from my dad because my fiance hates winter and wants to live in a warmer climate. My dad is a wonderful man, and so is my stepmom. I follow their lives a little bit on Facebook as best as I can through "mutual friends" and they seem like lovely people. They tried to move heaven and earth for me and I rejected EVERYTHING they did, no matter what it was. As I said originally, I do not blame him for not wanting to see me.

I won't log on and answer any more questions. But after reading some of the mean things some people said about my dad, I had to defend him. I was the nasty one, not him.

It sounds like you have taken responsibility, and have turned your life around very well. I wish you the best of luck, and do recommend one more hard-copy snail mail letter to them.

Sweetheart, I for one never doubted. I could tell from the start that your father seemed like a very nice man. I know also, the anger that grows in a teenage heart. My sister went "away" for a little while durring her teen years. My parents didn't divorce. It was simply that because of my "disability"(add) that I received most of their attention for all of her life. It was negative attention but it was still attention. It was hard for her, and not fair. I still remember quite vividly the day she ran from the house in an attempt to run away. I ran after her and recieved a punch in the nose for my effort. I think we were both shocked a)that she had punched me and b) that I didn't let go or punch her back.

Don't give up, but take it slow. You can't rush something like this even though you may want to. Definately send him and his wife pictures of your wedding :)

I know that you said that you won't log in to answer any more questions, but maybe you're reading answers to this post? Who am I kidding? Of course you are!

Listen, the whole "I now live an airplane-ride away from my dad because my fiance hates winter and wants to live in a warmer climate" is bullshit! You are still not taking responsibility for YOUR actions. You're living where you're living because you chose to live with your fiance. It's not his fault. If you want to live by your dad, move there. Your phrasing in other places, too, says that you still have issues to address with taking responsiblity for yourself and with treating your dad as a person (with some faults, like all people). I'd suggest looking into that. I don't mean that in a mean or nasty way. I'm being completely and totally honest with you and assuming that you are telling the truth in that you are the letter writer. Counseling, not from your boyfriend, could be quite helpful if you're really, honestly looking to heal.

Don't contact him. Don't move near him. Leave him alone. You tried to kill people he loved. You tore your father's heart out. You don't have a father anymore. Find some old man at a retirement home who has no one to visit. Adopt him as your "new" dad. Treat him way better than you did your own father. You blew it. Now get on with your life.

Ok, I've got no doubt you're sorry, but you're still not taking responsibility for your own actions. Half your post is dealing with how your Mom manipulated you. Another chunk is how your boyfriend determines where you live and helps you deal with your Mom. I think you want to be forgiven, because then you can stop feeling bad. You've written to Prudie looking for sympathy and affirmation. Now you're in the Fray making more excuses.

You still have your Mom in your life, and you apparently seek her approval, because you mention her reaction. If half what you say about her is true, you should cut her out of your life. If your fiance is 'helping you deal with her', and hasn't told you that, than he's part of the problem. I think you should reconsider getting married, as you don't sound mature enough. Do you have a degree? Gainful employment? A solid circle of friends? Stamps in your passport? How about your fiance- does he have any of those things? How are his family relationships? If he's a train-wreck, too, then you're making a mistake.

Once, I saw an open letter to Monica Lewinsky. I even managed to find it on Google: <link>

I think the advice is amazing. From what I hear, she seems to be following it. I think it also pertains to your situation, somewhat. As it speaks to reinvention, and how reputations can be be remade, given years of time and great effort, and- this one is key for you- change. Don't contact your Dad again, asking for forgiveness. Don't attempt to enlist family members or advice columnists. Your Dad may not want contact with you right now, but I'll bet a few bucks that he keeps up with your life through the grapevine. You're his kid. Go out and be the kind of person who is worthy of forgiveness, and I'll bet you hear from him, far down the road.

See, there are some things you can't just apologize and make better. I will say though, as a Mom of two- I can't imagine there is anything under the sun that my kids could do that I could stop loving them. Ask any parent about that feeling- its kind of a huge burden. Its something you should be mindful of as you consider what it means to be worthy of forgiveness.