Dear Prudence,

I believe your advice was good but I would go one step further.

This girl will not know what to expect when she masterbates. If she can not attain orgasim or not know how or what to do she will think, "What's the big deal with sex?"!

I would advise her to talk to another adult instead of her mother. How about her doctor, school nurse, pastor, or some other trusted adult?

You were right to let her know that her feelings are perfectly normal and that she should not feel guilty but she does need someone to talk to, other than a possibly misinformed girlfriend. Speaking with a knowledgeable adult that she trusts and can talk to in confidence would be good advice.

Love your column!

Diane

She'll certainly know what to expect because she's probably done it a thousand times the old fashioned way. Why are we such a nation of weaklings? We need to ask adults "what to expect when we masterbate?""" WHY? JUST DO IT. It's about the most natural and innate AND PRIVATE thing in the friggen world.

there weren't women's journey's of sexual awakening, what NC-17-adapted movies would college guys watch with the bong at 3AM?

They would watch movies of girls doing the most intuitive activity in history to themselves without having to consult Mom and Dad first, a checklist, a business plan, having a therapy session, or signing a waiver first.

....see women won't do anything unless it's blueprinted, discussed, planned, monitored, guaranteed, implemented by someone else, before they'll say to themselves that they did it.

"Reverend Jones, I don't know what to expect when I masturbate. Can you please tell me how to attain an orgasm so I'll know what the big deal is?"

her Planned Parenthood counselor. They're professionally trained, they won't be shocked, and they won't condemn you or violate your privacy.

to yourself. Yes, they could watch just a girl with a vibrator. But given the socio-economic context, you really want more when you're ripping bong hits in the AM.

What you want to see is scrumptious settings of rolling hills covered in wildflowers and old fences and run-down barns. And elderly people that remind you vaguely of your aunt Glenora, just as a kind of snap-back.

LOL Mermaid33.

It's like an iPod down there, people. It's got a simple design, is pretty user-friendly and with a little experimenting one can figure out what one needs to do to make it work, accessories or no.

if it's so much like an iPod, why haven't I ever watched movie trailers on it?

Oh wait, I have!

I agree--if she can see a counsellor at Planned Parenthood, or somewhere she goes for a well-woman exam at a similar women's clinic, or perhaps a good sex educator at her school or church would be a good person to talk to. The A.B.C.'s of masturbation for women are not such a simple thing as some of the humourous comments seem to suggest. Masturbation is not something that is discussed very much in elementary or high school health and sex ed, but it is the form of sexual activity that is normal for students to be experiencing, and it's natural they would have questions about it. It should be an activity that is encouraged, since it is healthy, safe, and an alternative to initiating sexual contact that they may not be ready for.

I didn't have an orgasm until I tried a vibrator, and that was after I moved in with the guy who's now my husband. I did lots of trying though. Some questions the letter writer may have had are: where do I get one, and can I use one and still be a virgin? I think Prudence left a lot out of her answer.

Yes, schedule an appointment with Planned Parenthood or a doctor. Hopefully when she was younger and wanted to learn how to most effectively play on the playground, she was able to get some face time with the CEO of FAO Schwartz so as to know what to expect and which toys would enhance playtime the best.

you've never been to a planned parenthood clinic, have you? Didn't think so.

School counselor? Pastor??? Holy c&%p, that's terrible advice! Either of those would run screaming from the room for fear of a career-ending scandal.

Mom's a nurse: As long as she's not some kind of crazed fundamentalist, she's not going to be freaked out by the idea of a 16 year old masturbating. Tell mom you feel sexual urges but would like to remain a virgin and she will likely be thrilled. Then ask her to go shopping with you at your local chain drug store. Look around in the section where they have adult diapers and bedpans, etc. Most such stores sell the kind of vibrator you need: Sold as a "body massager", with a 2-3 inch diameter soft ball on the end of a wand that is 12 to 14 inches long. This will have a power cord, not batteries. Hitachi and Oster both make nice versions of this.

Find one of these in the drug store, and then ask mom to buy it for you if you are too shy. She's been buying all sorts of "intimate products" for years, so it shouldn't be a big deal for her. She might even surprise you and ask if you would just like to try hers!

When you are ready to try it out, forget about everything you ever saw in a porno film or website. No penetration is necessary or advisable. Just try it gently on various parts of your body. Try the different speed settings. You'll know when you get there.

Ewwww.... I have no problems with vibrators, but the idea of sharing one with a close relative grosses me out.