I've been working in a small business for about a year and quickly became my boss's favorite. He treats his employees and patients like they're his friends. People generally open up to me pretty easily, so I've learned a lot about everyone in the workplace. Tonight, my boss called me wanting to know what was going on with "Anna." Anna's job is very stressful and not very rewarding, so she has always been a little grumpy. But for the past few months, she has become despondent, distant, and easily irritated. My boss is concerned. I told him she is having some family problems right now (which is true), but I left out the fact that she absolutely hates her job.

She makes caustic comments about him and whoever else isnt in the room to whichever employee is present. I've even heard her talk bad about me even though our desks are only divided by the corner of a wall! She has repeatedly stated that she wants to quit but cant for financial reasons. My boss has asked her what's wrong, but all she says is that she's tired. He was very relieved to hear from me that she is only having family problems and not work problems.

I've been wanting to tell my boss how horrible it is to work with her, but when the moment finally came, I felt like I would be betraying her if I told him everything and that I should just leave it between him and her. I did mention some superficial workplace problems bothering her (computer issues, hiring and training new people) but nothing more. I want to be professional and not mess with other people's business, but she is extremely unpleasant to be around! I find solace in the fact that I'll be moving to another state in 2 months (my boss already knows), but it seems wrong not to try to help the situation for Anna and future employees. Should I be more truthful with my boss? Or should I leave it alone?

*Betraying her privacy, I'm not particularly friendly with her anymore.

Unfortunately, this is one of those horrible life situations.

Personally, my choice would be to let her know that you understand she's frustrated, etc, but that her choice of behavior is not helping the workplace at all, and that, if she truly needs the job, she might want to try and make different behavioral choices.

I cannot see how it is your place to tell your boss, since you know you will be leaving. If another employee who is planning on staying is having serious issues with Anna's behavior, then it is up to them, if the boss asks, to share that they feel she's a negative drain on the workplace.

*shrugs* Sorry to hear you're having to deal with this.

You are not obligated in any way to divulge to your boss what you know about Anna. It is his job to supervise his employees and if he is concerned about one in particular he should be talking to that individual.

What I forsee is that if Anna is unhappy with her job she will find somewhere else to work in time. In the meantime she may come to realize that it may not be her job that is the problem, but it is the other circumstances in her life. She may be more happy in the workplace once things get better in her personal life. But all that is just conjecture. Bottom line: this is between Anna and her boss. You sound like you are doing a good job, and continue to do that until it is time to leave.

If, however, Anna is creating a hostile work environment for you, you have a decision to make whether you will just stick out the next couple of months or mention it to HR.

"I'm not sure. Maybe you should ask her."

Other people are saying that someone else can handle Anna after you leave, but I have to wonder, how many people know that the reason she acts so caustic to everyone at work is because she hates being at work? If you are the only person to have this information, then if you leave without telling about it, it will never be known.

What kind of a "trust" are you hoping to keep with a woman who obviously doesn't respect you enough to not talk bad about you behind your back? Honestly, you're acting like you're her friend, but she doesn't look at you in the same way!

I would tell the boss about why she is behaving so badly. The way I see it, the worst that could happen is that he fires her for her behavior. Since she hates her job so much, that might be a favor to her, and the kick in the pants she needs to do everything she can to find a new job. Life is too short to spend it miserable. However, it's not a guarantee that he would fire her. Maybe he'll find out what her problem is with her workplace and try to help her with it, or suggest that she go to some kind of counseling to help her deal with her problems. If she's this miserable, something needs to change! I think by not saying anything, you're letting it go as "business as usual" and she will stay every bit as miserable as she has been. Maybe saying something won't help either, as some people are beyond help, but it is worth a try.

Stop talking about Anna behind her back.

Have you considered leaving the toilet seat up?

I strongly believe you should keep your nose out of it. You sound very naive, and almost nothing you could do here -- especially because you're leaving -- could help. Almost anything you could do would make things worse. It would look like you leaving a bag of crap on the porch on your way out of town. If your boss has a problem, he needs to bring it directly to Anna and not use you as an informant. (I also wonder if you're quite young, but I don't want to presume on the internet.)

The reality of life is that many people don't like their jobs (especially "unrewarding" ones), but have to keep them. That is not a crime! That's life and we all have to make a living. In this economy, no one can afford a "kick in the pants" to find a new one. This person may well be unpleasant, but think seriously about whether it's ethical to jeopardize a person's livelihood for having a"bad attitude."

Now, if she were embezzling, abusing patients, etc., that would be more serious. Making you uncomfortable is nowhere near that league.

That she would complain about you when you're not present -- why are you so surprised? What's more, why is that so terrible? You're complaining about her on the internet. Another reality of life you seem new to: Coworkers, even ones who otherwise get along well, do bitch about each other sometimes or even frequently. It's called venting -- the office environment forces togetherness under sometimes-stressful situations. Now, most people have enough discretion to do their complaining outside of the office, to trustworthy non-work friends and family.

None of this is to disagree with the fact that your coworker sounds very unpleasant to work with. I'm sure that's true. But don't consider this fact to be some kind of troubling scandal or a problem where your "help" or input is warranted. Just consider it an opportunity to learn about human nature.

with both your boss and Anna.

You know, at the root of all dysfunction in the world, be it relationship, family, government, company, is lack of accountability and transparency. Ask any dictator, corrupt CEO, or abusive spouse what they fear most and the answer will invariably come back: accountability and transparency

Anna is accountable to you and your boss, just like you are to them, and he is to you. You're all conspiring to make this an awful work environment-- you at least much less so. Save the secrets and lies for daytime TV, sweetheart. Hold the people around you accountable and you make the world a better place everyone.

This is definitely one of "those life situations."

Sometimes, when someone is grumbly at work like this, if you know them you can mention it to them and tell them that it would probably help them to refocus, from their day to day misery to a bigger, brighter goal to work for. It is not easy right now with the economy to see daylight, but I think everyone has moments where they feel like their life is something they hate but can't change. Everyone gets frustrated.

Also, sometimes saying, "The boss is asking what is up with you. People are noticing how grumpy you are" can really effect change in and of itself.

Thanks for all the advice everyone. Anna and the boss are having a private talk, so hopefully things are getting worked out. I know her job isnt very fun and personal problems are most likely compacting the problem, so I dont think she should be upbeat and smiley, but she shouldnt be putting down everyone around her for months. That kills the office spirit and productivity. I believe very much so in venting and letting it out--just not within earshot! And I definitely dont want her fired even though she is a meanie; I understand her situation. She hates her job but is good at it. Given that, I'm hoping their private talk will improve the office situation.

She is much older than me so I fear I would really piss her off if I said something to her, so I'm glad the boss finally decided to step in and have a real talk with her.