From her letter, it seems like she's tried everything BUT apologizing. If I were her I would throw myself at the father's feet and cry and apologize profusely like the biblical prodigal son. Sometimes you just have to swallow your pride. This is one of those times.

Not that it matters in relation to how the problem should be solved, but I read the letter as if the LW was a man.

Hahaha. I think you're both wrong. I assumed she was a woman and that her attempts at communication included abject apologies.

Perception can be a funny thing.

i thought it was a man also...

Funny, I was picturing a woman. I also noticed that she/he didn't actually mention apologizing. But I read it as they hadn't been able to get in contact to do so.

I thought women too.

99% sure that the LW is female. We males have no ability to plan "booby traps" (that would require a cause and effect algorithm)... our brains are incapable of this degree of planning ahead!! In addition, most card carrying men would certainly stop at reporting to the cops that another male was stalking us (for fear we might then be accused of being gay...not that there's anything wrong with that !!). Lastly, no man would want to contact his parent before getting married... they might actually show up to the wedding and drink all the booze... not cool!

That's my scientific logic and I'm sticking to it.

WAA! So sorry I committed assault with intent to murder your beloved wife!

Y'know, some things are unforgivable and the LW sure seems to have done some of those things.

MonsterDog:

WAA! So sorry I committed assault with intent to murder your beloved wife!

Y'know, some things are unforgivable and the LW sure seems to have done some of those things.

Well, it's possible the LW's actions were justified because her father refused to let her buy a vibrator.

Pogue Mahone:

MonsterDog:

WAA! So sorry I committed assault with intent to murder your beloved wife!

Y'know, some things are unforgivable and the LW sure seems to have done some of those things.

Well, it's possible the LW's actions were justified because her father refused to let her buy a vibrator.

That's as may be, but in that case she should've just fucked her dad like normal people do.

MonsterDog:

Pogue Mahone:

Well, it's possible the LW's actions were justified because her father refused to let her buy a vibrator.

That's as may be, but in that case she should've just fucked her dad like normal people do.

Wow. I thought that Pogue Mahone had won the thread, until I read this buzzer beater.

I understand that begging forgiveness might be the way to go, just to get past the issue. But on the other hand, this was a child acting out. It would be insane for a father of a 27 year old to refuse to talk to her because she threw temper tantrums at 4 and acting out as a teen is sort of a natural extension of that. Yes, it went too far. Yes, even a 14 year old should have a basic understanding of why that behavior is wrong. But at 14, that sort of extreme acting out should have been dealt with and professionals should have gotten involved. That kind of behavior indicates that something was really really wrong and the kid needed help. The fact that dad just allowed her to break it off was really bad parenting on his part. So he certainly has some fault here too.

As as stepmom, I'd have a hard time forgiving this behavior, and an even harder time trusting any stepchild that causes me and my family such pain and agony. Frankly, I'd want nothing to do with the stepchild ever again. But, I would try if my husband was willing to. I think she should write one more letter of true apology to her father and stepmother and mail it--leave the relative out of the middle--and if she gets no response, she will have her answer and should move on. Parents and kids become estranged all the time. I'm currently estranged from my dad because he didn't come to my wedding three years ago--it was the final straw in a long line of events for which my dad could not be bothered to show up...including my high school and college graduations. I just can no longer endure what I perceive as his rejection of me.

I do see where you are coming from, Susan. However, it's interesting that you're being considerably easier on the LW than she is on herself. I find it very uncommon that she's matured to the degree where she fully accepts responsibility for her actions. She has my respect for that.

Could things have been handled differently all those years ago? Sure, that's easy to say now. However, once you're estranged and the other person is threatening to call the cops, bridges tend to burn and stay burned. (And a teenager setting booby traps hoping to hurt people isn't the natural extension of a 4-year-old throwing a tantrum.) The LW seems very honest and clear-headed and she's not blaming anybody else for how things turned out. I don't see any reason to argue with her.

I'm not saying the teenager has no fault here. I'm just saying that if Dad decides not to man up and take his parenting responsibilities this go around either, well the daughter ought to see that as more his failing than hers.