Prudie, I think you got this one completely wrong! Any teen that has such a remarkable attachment to their mom (a nurse, no less) should be encouraged to continue pursuing any and all communication with her. The fact that the teen has reached out to her best friend and then to an internet/magazine advice columnist before reaching to her mom is an initial red flag for their "close and open relationship". Mom would be honored to help her young woman become initiated into the world of self-exploration, if only on a medical/anatomical level. She would also be able to help this teen track down the instrument that is best for her. Do you really want this bright and virginal teen browsing adult stores?? Please. If you Miss Teen are reading this - go forth and have an important and natural conversation with your mom. You are an amazing young woman. May my 2-year-old grow to become as confident and bright as you clearly are. Thanks for giving me hope.

I think everybody is giving their opinion as if it is the only opinion that exists. Some people would be completely freaked out and want to take 100 cold showers if their 16-year old daughter ever mentioned masturbating. Some people are more matter-of-fact about it, and feel like if she came up for advice on what to do, they would just give it. This means that the advice really has to depend on the person. How do you think mom would react? If she would completely freak out, don't talk to her about it. If you think it wouldn't bother her and you want to talk about it, why not?

I can't say for sure how I would react. I hope I'd be the cool-headed one... I think not freaking out is a good thing. :)

Nice advice, Prudie. One thing that didn't come up, however, was how this young woman planned to buy her vibrator. Even woman-friendly, sex-positive places such as Good Vibrations and Babeland might require one to be 18 in order to make a purchase. If the young woman encounters this issue, her mom might help her complete said purchase. This act would also be a way for both mother and daughter to acknowledge that the daughter is maturing sexually. But I agree, no need to discuss the actual experience.

Ah, but here's the thing:

LW-Just Curious:

We have a very close and open relationship, and she says I can talk to her about anything.

Usually, when parents say this, they better mean including sexuality in its more usual forms, or what they're really saying is "I want you to think I'm a good parent, but go raise yourself."

A prepaid credit card and the internet, perhaps?

Also, you can get "massagers" at your local department store. The picture on the front will usually show a woman using it on her neck ...

Yes, but depending on the girl, one of those "Massagers" can look pretty intimidating, at least the ones that Spencer's was selling when I was that age did.

And I was thinking maybe debit card and the internet, if she has a bank account with a debit card....

Does anyone know if there actually is an age requirement for buying a vibrator? Is this actually a law? I've been wondering that all day. I guess it doesn't matter much, though, if the only places you can get them are adult stores where you have to 18 to even walk in the door anyway.

I'm not sure if it is actually a law but I just flipped over to a website and went through the checkout process - in the screen before the one that you enter your credit card info (would have to be 18 for that) into you have to check a box certifying that you are 18. This is the little "help" info:

As the leader in the adult products industry, Adam & Eve strives to maintain the highest standards of corporate responsibility. We are a corporate sponsor of the Association of Sites Advocating Child Protection (ASACP), a non-profit organization dedicated to eliminating child pornography from the Internet.

So a kid would have to at least lie about it. I seriously doubt anybody is checking though. Most porn sites use a credit card number as a way to verify age (among other things) so it seems like it would work for an online retailer as well.

Prudie didn't get this one wrong. 16 is PLENTY old enough to figure this out on her own. If she really can't handle getting a vibe on her own at an age 16, use the hand for another 2 years. Prudie is right to encourage this 16 year old to GROW up and starting acting like a young lady and for healthy adults that precludes talking to your parents about the one thing all normal people know you don't talk to your parents about. Prudie is right to try to push this girl in an independent direction. I know some of you are all conditioned to think that being open about everything with your mother is a good idea, but here is the rare case where it just isn't. For either party.

Here's the thing. Just as a person needs to be of a certain level of maturity to take on the responsibility of sex - not just 'Hey, I feel like doing it, so I can/will' - but a depth of understanding all of the emotional, medical (disease), and physical (baby) consequences of the act... that person also needs (in our current society) a similar level of maturity to take on the responsibility of purchasing 'adult' toys. This teen has a keen understanding of what she wants (a vibrator, virginity) but our society doesn't make it easy for her. That's why she needs to turn to her mom. Mom can guide her and see that her needs are met in the best way... without the added consequence of giving a credit card number to an adult site that will DEFINITELY start sending a million catalogs, emails, and selling her info to more graphic/possibly pornographic sites. She will receive adult catalogs/emails forever. That is NOT what she wants. That is NOT what mom wants. Talk to mom.

MLibbyDP:

And I was thinking maybe debit card and the internet, if she has a bank account with a debit card....

And if she doesn't, hey! Good time for her to get a part-time job and start making her own pocket-money.

I have to agree with another poster who said parents have a right not to know certain things...the mother obviously wants her child feeling comfortable enough to discuss the basics of sex, protection, birth control and the like. I'm going to assume she didn't want to be approached about the specific positions, toys, etc., figuring that every human being knows innately that is for an individual and their partner to explore rather than being handed down from Mom like grandma's wedding ring. Only this LW, if she is real, seems to be missing a screw because at 16 she should most certainly recoil at the thought of being THIS open with her mother. Prudie is trying to nudge her in the sensible direction of some independence that is certainly rational for a 16 year old on this particular subject. (Again, this isn't a biological issue but a pleasure principle that SHOULD make any child/parent highly uncomfortable, so let's not act like Prudie is sending this girl to a back alley abortion.) There is something wrong with this 16 year old ( I think the letter is fake) that she isn't uncomfortable talking to Mom about this- she should be. Or maybe she knows she should be (which is a start) so that's why she is asking Prudie rather than just going to Mom directly. So Prudie gives the sensible advice- grow up a bit kid and enjoy yourself privately, not the most accomodating advice. That's her job. USE YOUR HAND until you are able to procure luxury additions, which are easy enough to get at 16 if you really want to.

I think many people are missing the fact that vibrators...uh, er "massagers"...are sold to anyone at Bed Bath and Beyond, or your local Walgreens. Yes, some even are that uh, er, particular shape. You don't have to be eighteen. heck you can be 14 adn

On the package though, every woman seems to want to use them on their necks.

mom should use the vibrator on her. That's what special mommy-daughter relationships are for. Really fucking special ones.