I may have missed something on this one, but I think the 16 year old should talk to her mom. If she really is 16. You have a be 18 to buy a vibrator, which means there is someone out there the 16 year old feels comfortable enough with to have them give her one. If I found out my daughter was using one I may not be very calm about it. I know 16 year olds masterbate, I just didn't realize they knew all about what toys to use.

You knew they masturbate, but didn't realize they knew about vibrators?! Seriously?

YEah, I thought the advice was obnoxiously dismissive, especially given that she likely can't just go out and buy one. And even if she could, the um, selection would likely be quite intimidating. My advice to her is to print her question out and give it to her Mom as a conversation-starter. If Mom has raised her in such a way that she wants to talk to her about something so personal, I'll bet Mom will be cool.

And to the top poster- c'mon, you'd be upset? Read Dan Savage from two weeks ago. I dare you...<link>

What has this world come to when we're advising children on the proper purchase and use of sex toys?!?

I suspect she'll be buying it online, so there's no real proof of her age there. If she doesn't have a credit card I suspect that she has plenty of friends who could help her out with the purchase. C'mon, since when do teenagers have trouble getting what they want? Cigarettes and alcohol are easy, so a vibrator really wouldn't be a challenge for a dedicated 16-year-old. ********** *********** ********* ********* ********* ********* ******* ******* ********* ********* ******** ******** ******** ******** ******** ******** ********* ******** ******* ***** Wrapping kids in cotton wool is ALWAYS a mistake, and the LW seems pretty sensible to me. Or would everyone rather see her having sex with someone and risking pregnancy or worse? Many kids her age are already having sex, and many are having children, too. This girl is interested in her own sexuality in an age-appropriate and safe way that harms no one. ******* ******** ******** ******** ********** ******** ********* ******* ********* ******* ****** ********* ******** ******** ******* ******** ********** ********** ******** ********* ******** ********* **** I even *gasp* agree with Prudie's advice not to tell her mother. It's none of Mom's business and Mom really doesn't want to know. Just as kids are severely squicked out at the mental image of their parents "doing it", parents really don't want to know about their kids masturbating. Or at least GOOD parents don't want to know. the parents who DO want to know have some pretty revolting issues that just aren't covered here.

PiquePlace:

What has this world come to when we're advising children on the proper purchase and use of sex toys?!?

What, you'd rather the LW had a question about getting an abortion? Please.

I guarantee you that if vibrators had been around at the time, Juliet would have been she-boppin' in her bedroom instead of knifing herself in the heart over Romeo. The world isn't "coming" to anything--except the realization that post-puberty, sex drives kick in, it's normal and people need a release; better to have that release arrive in the form of a Rabbit and handful of AAs than the local grease monkey!

Teenage sex drives have existed as long as teenagers. Just because the Big Three world religions have managed to whitewash and suppress human sexuality over the last couple centuries doesn't mean it didn't still exist, all hot and bothered, under the surface.

What has the world come to, Pique? I think a much better place. You know, one where we actually engage our kids in real life issues rather than send them out into the world at 18, completely ignorant and unprepared. But that's just me. You keep living the insular life. I'll take the responsible route.

Personally, it wouldn't freak me out at all if my 16-year-old daughter asked me for advice about vibrators. I remember being 16 and horny out of my mind and masturbating quite a lot. I could have used a vibrator and I could have used my mom's advice about it. I don't see what the big deal is. It's not as though mom would be actually helping her use it.

Would it freak people out less if the girl was 24 instead of 16?

parker:

Personally, it wouldn't freak me out at all if my 16-year-old daughter asked me for advice about vibrators. I remember being 16 and horny out of my mind and masturbating quite a lot. I could have used a vibrator and I could have used my mom's advice about it. I don't see what the big deal is. It's not as though mom would be actually helping her use it.

Would it freak people out less if the girl was 24 instead of 16?

If the girl were 24 instead of 16, it would probably freak people out that she'd feel the need to ask her mother about it.

There's a bit of gender hypocrisy here. 0% of teenage males consult their parents before going out and buying their first Playboy (or I guess in this decade, typing "porn" into the google toolbar).

The fact that males don't need any 'toys' doesn't change the fact that the activity is essentially the same.

This "child" is biologically capable of bearing a child. She is a child because in our society you are not recognized as an adult until the magical age of 18, as your basic education is not complete until high school graduation. Many societies considered that once you have learned basic life skills you are an adult, when you are able to contribute to the group by providing food if male, or by harvesting, preparing and storing food if you are female. If you think about it, the work assigned to females can be taught at a young age, while the skill set for the male only develops through time and physical maturity.

Since it is our educational system that places her in the "child" category, she is well able to decide how she wishes to proceed. Our advice is not to have sex but to encourage her to explore her sexuality in such a manner as to protect her from pregnancy. Since very young children also explore their bodies and do learn at a very early age that self touching is pleasant, I do not understand your comment about teaching her to have sex.

ROFL, you all are just so much more enlightened than I am. Our poor kids are going to go out into the world without instruction from mom and dad on the proper techniques and variations of vibrator use. Give me a break.

I'm not saying keep kids in the dark, I'm not saying kids won't be experimenting with these types of things anyway, I live in the real world just as much as you all do. Really, overall my beef is that Prudie is counseling a child to keep something from her parent. I don't think it's Prudie's place to make that call.

Instead of pondering if the LW was in her 20's, let's change it up a bit ... what if she was a mature 12 or 13 year old writing in. Would that make a difference in being okay with her vibrator use or in Prudie counseling her to keep it from her mom? I realize 16 year olds are (hopefully) more mature than 13, but they are still minors, and their well being still falls under the responsibility of their parents.

PiquePlace:

What has this world come to when we're advising children on the proper purchase and use of sex toys?!?

A 16 year old is not a child when it comes to biology. Sure, we raise them in such a fashion that they aren't ready to become adults, nor do I feel that we should do so. However, the average age of loss of virginity is between 16 and 17 for girls, so sex really is a fact of life for girls her age. It's far better for her to use a vibrator and get to know herself in a safe manner prior to starting. I wish I'd thought of that at 16....

I was just suprised that when the LW said she wanted to talk to her mom about this Prudie told her no. If the 16 yeard old was wanting to ask about birth control Prudie would tell her to run right over to mom.

Yeah, the advice was obnoxious- perhaps Prudie's most dislikeable advice so far. It was prissy, dismissive, and undercutting of the open vibe (tee-hee) that Mom and Daughter apparently have set up here.

As for toy usage, I wouldn't be more concerned if the LW was 10. I think I was about 7 when I started using rolled-up towels and the corner of the bathroom counter. Perhaps I was a little precocious, but one of those little vibrating rubber bath duckies would not have been inappropriate or unwelcome. It probably wouldn't even have required an explaination, it could have just appeared in the tub toy bag. It's not like she has to start right off with the double-headed anaconda with ball-bearings and rabbit attachment, right?

I'm not trying to say this is something all parents should initiate, just if your kid starts spending hours locked in the bathroom, and produce is disapearing from the fridge, well, think outside the box (tee-hee) folks.