As a parent of teenage son and daughter I realize they both have sexual urges. I assume my son masturbates and probably my daughter too. Maybe they even have objects they use for assistance. I see that as normal and personal. If they wanted to talk to either of their parents about their sexual urges and masturbation, they know we are willing to listen and give whatever guidance we can. However I wouldn't expect them to let us know.

Besides talking with them about sex, masturbation, STD's and birth control (all in a general sense), I have talked with them about "the choking game" which is sometimes "played" to enhance sexual arousal. Now that the ice is broken I hope they would feel comfortable talking with me in further detail about sexual topics they want guidance on from me.

Would I buy a vibrator for my daughter if she asked for one? Yes. :)

What do you mean "deal with"?

What's wrong with being a horny teenager who masturbates? There another way to deal with it?

something here to please piss off everyone . ..

10 - become a white house or congressional intern

9 - pray to mecca 5 times a day

8 - get a grip (guys only)

7 - dig deeper (girls only)

6 - watch fox news, not "the OC" or "90210" or one those new vampire shows

5 - join an after school activity, like key club or "obama ambassadors"

4 - just say no

3 - sex is dirty - save it for someone you love

2 - don't be a fool - stay in school

1 - write a letter to prudie for advice

Visual arts, music, writing-- all positive ways to channel energy. I'm not so sure kids are encouraged enough to be creative. Quite the opposite. Having your own ideas is almost seen as a detriment.

Anyway, I got some great advice at that age from my dad. He said, "always wear a condom. If you get a girl pregnant, your life is over."

That one still shakes me to this day! ha

dbguy:

What do you mean "deal with"?

What's wrong with being a horny teenager who masturbates? There another way to deal with it?

The question was not phrased very well due to subject line character limitations, which is also why I had to use shorthand for some words (4, w/). What I meant to ask was:

What is your opinion on how teenagers handle their horniness: masturbate using only their hand/fingers, heel of foot, etc.; masturbate with household objects, stuffed animals, vegetables, etc; explore sex with another horny teenager; wait until they are older to explore; wait until they are married to explore?

I like 7 and 8. :)

Sports are a great way to release all kinds of tension (and agression). It doesn't have to be a team sport, running works wonders. The structure and discipline also help, they're at practice so many hours a day/week etc. and they often have to keep grades up to participate if it's a school activity.

Not that I think that should entirely take the place of masturbation, it's just another healthy release.

Pooham - My daughter used a spinbrush toothbrush. My son (15 and asperger's) googles japanese anime. They don't censure cartoons apparently. And he keeps a towel in the computer room that I refuse to touch.

TMI!

Don't have children and now I really know why!

First thought: As long as the boy and girl aren't fucking each other, you're miles ahead of the game. Your son might end up creeping out his future fiancee by playing footsie under the table with Sis.

Really, though, I'd encourage them (especially the boy) to masturbate early and often. Keeps the urges at bay and helps with self-control. I learned in seventh grade that whacking it before I left the house kept me from having to hold my books low until at least lunchtime. After 11:30, though, all bets were off...age 12 is like being on a constant supply of Viagra with no place to put it.

,,,,about YOU.

I dont know bud, but a couple of things really bother me about your post. For one, why on earth would you want to mention 'choking' as a sex technique? Don't you know the mere whiff of pussy will get a boy off, and the mere mention of oh-wow-your-boyfriend is cute, will do it for a girl? If you get into the sex technique of choking (didn't an actor die due to this?) what other techniques are you 'teaching' your kids? Definitely scievy, and in the realm of privacy, like a bowel movement, as far as I am concerned.

The other really weird thing is, what father would buy a dildo for his daughter? I mean even if you did, wouldn't your daughter not absolutely die from embarassment when you hand it to her? What's wrong with you that you don't intuitively understand this? If I were your brother, I'd keep a close eye on you and put a shrink on retainer to answer my concerns about you.

intersurfa:

,,,,about YOU.

I dont know bud, but a couple of things really bother me about your post. For one, why on earth would you want to mention 'choking' as a sex technique? Don't you know the mere whiff of pussy will get a boy off, and the mere mention of oh-wow-your-boyfriend is cute, will do it for a girl? If you get into the sex technique of choking (didn't an actor die due to this?) what other techniques are you 'teaching' your kids? Definitely scievy, and in the realm of privacy, like a bowel movement, as far as I am concerned.

The other really weird thing is, what father would buy a dildo for his daughter? I mean even if you did, wouldn't your daughter not absolutely die from embarassment when you hand it to her? What's wrong with you that you don't intuitively understand this? If I were your brother, I'd keep a close eye on you and put a shrink on retainer to answer my concerns about you.

When I talked with my kids about the choking game and why some kids do it (for a high or for sexual arousal) they said they had heard about it. I wanted to make sure they knew how dangerous it was.

I am my daughter's mother. But even if was her father and she asked me to get her a vibrator I would. :)

No need to worry about me and my family, but thanks anyway.

MonsterDog:

First thought: As long as the boy and girl aren't fucking each other, you're miles ahead of the game. Your son might end up creeping out his future fiancee by playing footsie under the table with Sis.

Nice reference to previous letter!

MonsterDog - hey now! Let's not perpetuate harmful social myths. Take the "especially the boy" out of your comment, and I wholly agree. I masturbated like crazy at age 12 - it was like there was this wild buzzing between my legs that I couldn't get enough of exploring. My personal favorite was running a bath & straddling the faucet while the tub filled. That was a good and necessary sexual release for me, only because I'm a girl, my parents treated my interest in sex as a dirty, shameful thing and punished me for it. Boys AND girls deserve to hear from their parents that masturbation is safe, fun, healthy, pleasurable, and etc. Too many girls grow up thinking they are bad for having sexual thoughts/feelings, but it's ok for boys. That leads to a dangerous mindset - girls thinking they can only act on their sexual feelings with a partner and, even then, only if they protest sufficiently before letting something sexual happen. That way they don't have to feel guilty or dirty - they are good girls, it was just the bad sexed up boy who made them feel something. It's totally twisted, but it's what happened to me. And I had to work to get over that mindset - to be able to just say, without shame, I was a sex-crazed 12 year old girl, and that's OK!

"Dealing with" sexual urges doesn't mean treating them as bad. It means being able to strongly desire sex and gain some release or fulfillment of that desire without engaging in risky behavior. It's easy to take risks when you don't know the consequences, and teens tend to lack awareness of how harmful—emotionally and physically—a bad sexual decision can be. It's only natural that parents want to protect their kids, i.e. come up with ways kids can "deal with" these urges without getting in trouble. As a single adult, I deal with my sexual urges every day. Sure, I wish I could just want it, have it, and not deal with the fallout, but, in the absence of a committed relationship, there is usually some kind of fallout. On the list of how I deal: masturbation, masturbation, masturbation; working up a sweat some non-sexual way (exercise, cleaning, gardening, etc); reading about sex in a book or in a safe online venue (risk-free fantasy); practicing my own form of mindfulness, which for me is experiencing feelings/urges/impulses and trusting that they will pass; and, occasionally, seeking out sex from an ex-boyfriend I trust. I try to deal with these urges in a way I feel is healthy (according to my values), because the more I ignore them, the bigger they become and the more likely I am to make a decision I later regret.