1) The question is not whether you are over-reacting, but what the plans are for the future. It would be reasonable to explain to your wife that you don't think this arrangement can work out much longer. School should be out or nearly out where you are by now, so this might be a good time for the neighbor to relocate, especially if her house won't be ready any time soon. You needn't mention those twinges you feel when the neighbor is bouncing around in her tank top with no one else home.

2) No brainer. Sit the assistant down, and state that your weekend activities are off-limits to his inquiries, unless you bring it up first. Remind him that he has access to your calendar for professional reasons, and that your attendance at "Dumbo the Musical" has nothing to do with his duties.

3) This one I can relate to, oh so well. I've been both mother and daughter in this story. There's no need to mention marriage to your parents until it's at least time to make some plans or buy jewelry. However, they may well feel a lot better about him once his is officially a permanent part of your life, and not just a live-in fixture. In the meantime, remind your parents that many people with 2-year technical degrees make far more than many people with advanced degrees. However, even if his earning potential never approaches yours, you will not tolerate their attitude. They don't have to like him, but they must be polite. If they refuse to do so, they have made their choice to distance themselves from you.

4) How very understanding of you. He remembered your birthday; he doesn't have much money; you want your present, darn it! I'd handle it lightly. Something like, "Hey, I just remembered! You were going to give me that elephant lamp. Did something come up?" Or, you could just get over it!

Very good answers!

Although with number 4, I really do think if it is bothering her that much she does need to casually bring it up. Sure, she shouldn't be bothered by it but if she intends to have a future with him then she should be able to talk about even her insecurities that she knows are silly.

I don't know if anybody else watches Scrubs but things like this reminds me of Elliot's relationship with Keith. She is just constantly amazed that 'he knows I'm crazy and thats ok!'. I think a lot of women are looking for that guy that they can be crazy with occasionally and it still be ok.

Funny!

On your 4th response, I am right there with you. I wanted to chime in to say that I actually like the way Prudie responded to the writer by suggesting that she talk this over with her BF. I think it would be better for both of them to get her reaction to his acknowledgement to her birthday out in the open -- and sooner rather than later.

It would benefit the BF to learn now that she will expect actual gifts on special occasions, as she is not the old-fashioned, "it's the thought that counts" type, and she may benefit from both establishing the ground rules for future special occasions ( I expect __ on Valentine's Day, __ on my Birthdays, __ on Sweetest Day, and while you've missed Easter, the 4th of July is just around the corner, and the only appropriate way for you to honor me on that day would be . . . .) and by avoiding the inevitable response to every argument they may have in their next 50 years together, which may sound something like "Oh yeah? Well, remember my 18th Birthday, when you didn't buy me that new Paris Hilton CD like you promised?! What do you have to say about that?"

Love is patient . . . it does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful . . . it bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.

Young love is wonderful, but, perhaps by definition, irrational. We all learn as we go, and I truly hope she takes your advice and gets over it. Life is too short!

Re: Don't Stand So Close to Me

Of course Prudie is right. But Don't could also stop using her professional calendar for her personal engagements.

Did she spend more time composing the letters, or the answers?

The Third and Fourth letters seem like complete rehashes of recently answered letters, so I'm guessing she faked the first two as well.

I've been "Andy" here, and let me tell you, it really sucks to deal with snobby bratty parents. I grew up on welfare, then we were off and my mom worked three jobs (dad was drunk somewhere). I essentially grew up unsupervised, but I can cook, clean, and do laundry, not to mention take care of lots of household things, like repairs and such. And, I could do all of those things by age 13 (including balance a checkbook by 16). I never got in trouble growing up, and I now have a Chemical Engineering degree and an excellent job, in which I earn more than many of my "upper class" college friends currently earn, plus I don't need a girlfriend or wife to look after me, I can do it on my own, thank you. I dated a great girl who I loved for over a year, and boy, did her father loathe me! He hated everything I mentioned above, not to mention the fact I'm half Irish, half Lebanese and Catholic. He viewed me as some scumbag even though I worked my tail end off my whole life. "Bridget" graduated before me with a weaker degree because she had college paid for, while it took me some time as I had to work and take 12-14 credits to make ends meet. No matter what, he looked down on me, and Bridget never defended me during all this, she sat silent and would then accuse me of not making an effort to get along. Sorry, but being raised on the street taught me to not take crap from people when they're being out of line. Being called a "mick" when getting another helping of mashed potatoes (he said: "all you micks like potatoes, right?") clearly is being out of line. Needless to say, we broke up. My heart was broken for a time, but now I realize I'm better off. Bridget married a doctor 17 years her senior (he's like 40, ewww), I'm sure her father is very happy.

On number 2: Surely your calendar has an option to mark certain appointments as private? (It it's Outlook, it definitely does.) If it does, start using it.

My secretary (and every other secretary in the firm) has access to my calendar, but my personal medical and social appointments are marked as private. To other people, they show up as blocks of time during which I'm unavailable, but no other details are visible.

Yea, I got the feeling these were at least hand-picked to be easy. No pushing the envelope of any sore here. .

#3 is EXACTLY why I have a "Friends first, family second" policy. I do things for and get along with people (blood relatives or not) based on wether we are FRIENDS or not first. I have family members that I really don't waste my time on because they either can't behave civil to anyone, or they feel that being related entitles them to some kind of special treatment while allowing them to be as insulting and offensive as they wish. I have friends that I would give anything to if they needed, family menbers I wouldn't pee on even if they were on fire. .

. . .sort, , ,mi spelling suxors teh big 111

i can't help feeling that (in #2) any assistant who doesn't already recognize those boundaries, and shows up uninvited at social events isn't going to be fazed by a "sit down" with his boss.

this guy is trying to create a personal relationship out of a business one, and appears unbalanced

somebody buy him a puppy or something to keep him busy

Is it Walgreens? "No, I didn't get you a present, but I thought about it." "Oh honey, I love you!"

If a SO won't defend you when your family tears you down, they aren't much of a SO.

I wasn't too impressed when my daughter's husband when we met, but I was at least polite. And I've found he does have some endearing traits. Most importantly, she loves him and he loves her.

Having, and documenting, a private discussion with the employee is a good CYA in case he gets fired later.

You are so right there, especially since when (not if but when) she evetually winds up having to fire stalker-boy, there's a very good chance he'll turn around and hit her with a "sexual harassment" lawsuit.

This happened to a friend of my father, who hired a young woman that behaved exactly the same way, except she took it to the next creepy level and started telling people he was going to leave his wife for her "just as soon as he could."

His only saving grace was that he'd heavily documented all of the "here are your boundaries, don't cross them" talks he had with her. It saved his little hiney.