It's their wimpy, gutless sons that are the crux of the issue. If the son has a pair, and knows who'se side he is supposed to be on, the crazy MIL has no power at all. She either toes the line, or dosen't see the family...ever.

I know the LW didn't say that her husband sided with his Mom, just that Mom tried to get him to. But then she went on to say she didn't know how to handle the situation, which leads me to assume that the son didn't handle it. You see, he's the one who needs to do that, not the LW.

So now the LW needs to follow Prudie's advice and allow no more unsupervised visits with the kids, and no visits at all if Mom can't be civil. Mom will play it right out of the rule book and cause a drama with her son every time this rule is reinforced. And Son will probably round his shoulders and hide around the corner and put it all right back on the LW.

I don't know what you do- other than move across the country from his family- once you're married into this kind of situation. But dating, I would consider this type of family dynamic a deal-breaker.

Yes! If my MIL let a virtual stranger hit our children...my husband would probably never let his own mother see our children again. If my MIL called me a stupid girl, my husband would have some choice words for her.

But then again, my MIL would never do that. She's a great lady, which I'm sure is part (all?) of the reason that her son is man enough to stand up to her when he needs to (and he's done it before, but with much smaller issues). Wait, I'm back to blaming the mother.

While I agree that the son is responsible for dealing with his mother, he should not be his wife's sole representative. There is no reason that she cannot also deal directly with his mother.

Problems can arise if the two don't put forward a consistent position, but that doesn't mean that only he gets to talk. A bad Grandma will be all the more frustrated if she gets the same, consistent story from both, whether they are together or separate.

Oh, yeah....no. I didn't mean to indicate that the LW dosen't have a voice at all, only that she's going to be ultimately ineffectual in dealing with MIL if hubby won't stand behind her. Say LW makes a unilateral decision that the kids can't go to grandma's unsupervised, and Grandma gets all uncivilized. LW makes another unilateral decision that she won't go to Grandma's, either. Now, what's hubby going to do? Bring the kids over himself and let Grandma have free rein. Problem not solved.